Real-life MMD: My pregnant bridesmaid needs a new dress - who pays?

MrsV_to_be

First of all, make sure you congratulate her - I'm sure she's very excited, and although it may have caused you some additional stress planning your wedding, make her feel like you're happy for her - it's a very exciting time!

Was the baby planned? If so, the bridesmaid should have told you before you bought the dress. If she did tell you and you ordered it anyway, then I think you should pay for the replacement, as you rushed in to buying it knowing her body could change. If she didn't tell you she was trying, then she should pay, as she knew there was a possibility of the dress you ordered not fitting.

If the baby was a 'surprise' then it gets a bit more complicated, and really depends how close you are. If she's your very best friend and you can't imagine having anyone else by your side on your special day then I'm sure you could talk to her, maybe she can afford to maybe go 'halves' on the new dress, and if not then you'll need to pay if you really want her up there beside you. If however you asked her because she was a family member, or you just felt you should rather than wanting to perhaps it's not so important you have her there and you should maybe talk to her about other options, such as paying for the replacement herself or stepping down. If you're not particularly close, I'm sure she wouldn't mind not being so involved in your day.

Good luck for your big day, I hope it all goes well

alwayswrite

What a nice occasion for you both but you're obviously not made of money so tell her you would be delighted if she would be your maid of honour instead and let her choose another dress she could pay for as long as it fitted into your colour theme. There is no need to fall out over this so keep a smile on your face and give her a hug I find this works, everyone likes a hug.

chicobo

its difficult but organizing my own wedding currently I know how expensive everything is. Firstly if the first dress from a store? Can you talk to them and explain the situation, all store normally have seamstresses for alterations so my be able to help with a low cost solutions. These guys are experts, ask for their opinion. If that doesn't lead to a solution then I would say the only think you can do is talk to your bridesmaid and see if you can find a happy middle ground. Maybe split the cost? Good luck whatever you decide to do and i hope your wedding day goes smoothly.

MissMills81

This is such a difficult situation and as a fellow bride to be you have my every sympathy.

If this happened to me I wouldn't be happy at the extra expense but I also believe that Brides cant expect members of their wedding party to put their lives on hold and as mentioned in a previous post, these things do happen.

It all depends on what you can live with and whether you can really afford it or not. If the money is truly an issue for you and you cant afford a new dress then I think its perfectly acceptable to tell your bridesmaid that you don't have the budget for a new dress and give her the option to step down or buy her own.

If you can afford to replace the dress then you have to think about the bigger picture. If you think its something that will always annoy you then you have to say something. However in the grand scheme of things once your wedding has been and gone and you are cuddling your friends new baby, will you even be thinking about the extra expense?

Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful day

jazzali_2

This is a tricky one, and I don't have an answer as to who should pay for the new dress but I think a few things are apparent to me:

- The bridesmaid can't be expected to put her life on hold
- The bride shouldn't be expected to just cough up, no questions asked - perhaps she chose to have 2 bridesmaids because she couldn't afford 3 dresses, so why would she suddenly have the money for an extra dress now?
- Asking the friend to be maid/matron of honour is a nice idea, but what about the other bridesmaids? Fine if she is the closest friend, but I would want to pick the friend/sister I wanted to be my maid of honour, not pick one who I'm less close to because it was more convenient to get her a different dress.
- If you're making judgements on the OP's decision to get married, then stop. If they want to spend hundreds, or thousands, or hundreds of thousands (after all, how do you know their budget?) on getting married, then that's completely up to them.

Regardless of how the whole situation goes down, I hope it gets sorted amicably, and no one loses sight of the bigger picture. One friend is getting married, and another is having a baby. Both are wonderful things and should be celebrated.

tallgirld

Ask her if she is prepared to pay for a bigger dress. If she says no then pay for it yourself.

If you can not afford to do so then tell her and mention that she may have to be removed from the bridesmaid list.

Weisenwolf

Surely she is no longer a brides 'maid' and she should have volunteered to drop out herself; perhaps adding that she can't afford another dress and would not expect you to buy her two. This would have allowed you to decide without any pressure whether you would rather (and can afford) to stick your hand in your pocket and buy her another dress, remove her from the wedding party or perhaps find her another role that doesn't require expensive clothing but keeps her place in the wedding party. If it were me and my brides made behaved as above I would attempt to keep them in some capacity :T. If she simply announced her pregnancy and expected me to cough up I'm afraid she would get the elbow:(; I'm sure she will be the centre of attention in due course but this day is about you & your partner :beer: and not her!

Dudley_1066

The bridesmaid should pay. If she won't, then get a new one

elisabeth9uk

Can you afford to ruin your friendship? Is it worth fighting over two of the happiest times in both your lives?

If you're just feeling put out, rather than genuinely can't afford it, then maybe just be truly gracious. It isn't her fault, and it would be horrible to ruin her happiness and sour the wedding for you both.

If you can't afford it, ask her to help out, but negotiate kindly and with good grace. It is your wedding after all and she is doing you a favour being your bridesmaid. Maybe reduce some of the other fripperies or wedding favours to afford her dress - so much kinder.

Lin81

MSE_Debs wrote: »

Money Moral Dilemma: My pregnant bridesmaid needs a new dress - who pays?

I'm getting married in March, and have just found out one of my bridesmaids is pregnant. She's obviously not going to fit into the dress she has, so she's told me she'll need a new one. I know I'm going to get judged for saying it, but I feel like she should be the one that pays for it. Is it fair that I ask her to or is it my responsibility as the bride to pay for it?

Hi
I am getting married in May 2014. My partner and I agree that we do not need to spend a lot of money on our wedding. Therefore other than the main things we are not including a lot of things that you typically have. I have 2 bridesmaids and 1 maid of honour who are close friends. I have discussed with them what I would like them to wear but they have a lot if choice within this and advised that I would not be paying for their outfits. This is not an issue - they would defiantly say if it was. Plus what they choose will be their dress which they can wear again. I don't see what the problem is, especially if you explain and they are a good friend, it should not be a big deal.


Good luck!