Real-life MMD: My pregnant bridesmaid needs a new dress - who pays?

kentcouple

I guess there's no perfect answer to this but wondered if the reason you're questioning it is that she "told" you she needed a new dress?

teenie_jen

She should at least offer to pay. I've been on both sides (bride and bridesmaid - neither times pregnant though) and I would certainly have offered to replace my dress. I just got a bit fat before my friends wedding and if my dress hadn't fit I certainly wouldn't have expected her to pay for it! Weddings are expensive and stressful - surely it's the bridesmaids job to alleviate this a bit?

kimmc77

I found out I was pregnant after the dress was bought. Depending on how far gone you are and the style of dress it could be altered by a professional seamstress.

sometimes pregnancies aren't planned and if she was enough of a friend to ask to be a bridesmaid then if you need help financially then you should be able to approach her for this.

mambocita

Not exactly the same but my cousin gained two stone due to stress, after I'd paid for her dress. She paid for the alterations (she offered) which I agreed to (she was flying over from a different country and we had paid for her flight as well) . Weddings are expensive at the best of times without having to occur any additional costs.

I'm sure the dress can be altered, I'd speak to her and say congratulations, I'm sure the dress can be altered, are you happy to cover that as I've already paid for the original. I don't think that's an unreasonable request.

Birdie85

I think that people saying that the bride is silly for buying dresses 4 months before the wedding are being a bit clueless. Most people I know have bought wedding dresses around a year before the wedding and bridesmaid dresses about 6 months or more before. Sometimes it's because they're being specially ordered/made, sometimes it's because they're on a good deal or at the end of a line/season in a high street shop and for those who are working to a colour scheme, the main part of the scheme is the bridesmaid dresses so it's best to get that sorted before ordering everything else to match; so not really that odd to be well prepared and it helps with the budgeting to spread the costs out.

There's too much left out of this MMD to make a judgement really (as always). If the bridesmaid was trying, she ought to have made the bride aware of the possibility of her being pregnant so a back-up plan could be made/bigger dress could be ordered to be fitted if the extra room wasn;t required. If it was a surprise, then it really ought to be down to the bridesmaid to cover the costs, but then again, if it was unplanned she's probably already worrying about funds so the cost of a new dress could be adding to the stress.

If the dress can't be altered, try returning it for a bigger size or selling it to go towards a new one. She may do the good thing and pay the difference, but I think it's just one of those costs that you will have to accept if she doesn't offer.

Try not to stress too much, planning a wedding can be stressful and things like this don't help but just try to accept them and move on to the next thing that pops up to test you. When you look back, it will be with joy that your friend and her unborn baby were able to be part of your day, it won't be (or shouldn't be!) with ill feeling about her daring to get pregnant before your big day!

Squirrel2000

What wonderful news for your bridesmaid. Don't become a bridezilla. Keep perspective. It's only a dress and not what weddings are really about. Put on your most appealing manner and go back to the shop you bought the dress from and plead for their help. Can they do a swap for a bigger size? It hasn't been worn yet, so what's the harm in return for your posting on social media how incredibly sensitive and helpful they are? If no joy, she could perhaps bear your colour scheme in mind when she inevitably has to buy a maternity dress in a few months time (you can accessorise with headress/ flowers etc. )This is really not the end of the world so just relax.

sidsmum

Are bridesmaids supposed to be pregnant? I thought they were Matrons of Honor if married and No Better Than They Should Be if not!

mdcollins1984

I'd say try and see if you can return/change it.

If not, and she knew you'd already bought the dress (eg if you'd previously asked her what size to get etc.), then the responsibility should really be on her to sort it by either getting the correct one in a bigger size, or more likely to find a non-matching maternity dress in similar colours to your theme, with your agreement obviously, as it may be useful to her at another function.

happychickie

Relegate the pregnant bridesmaid to a minor role - it's your day, not hers!!! Let her keep the dress - she could wear it to her baby's naming ceremony for instance! Choose a lovely small bridesmaid who will look cutesy in your photos instead!

caressamba

I've very recently been in a similar MMD as the bridesmaid, and it did not end well. The bride bought dresses for the 5 bridesmaids that were over her budget, then told me I would have to pay for the alterations. I responded truthfully that a) I didn't have the money and b) I didn't think it was my responsibility, and she went mad and 'sacked' me! Be careful not to fall out over this. I agree that if you asked her to be bridesmaid (not the other way around) then it's your responsibility to pay, unless you don't care what she wears. If you're not bothered if she turns up in a primark dress then by all means invite her to buy it but if a specific style is needed then that's your decision and consequently your financial burden. Buying the dresses in advance leaves you open to the risk of this happening. Remember that it costs a lot to attend a wedding - presents, transport, accommodation. With a baby on the way money is no doubt tighter than usual for her so I don't think she should have to pay for anything above and beyond what a 'normal' attendee (ie not a bridesmaid) should pay. At the end of the day you have asked her to work for you for a day and so you should provide the necessary equipment!