Real-life MMD: My pregnant bridesmaid needs a new dress - who pays?

tain

From my point of view (getting married 2015):

If I couldn't afford another dress, then this isn't even a dilemma.

If I can afford it, then I'd look at it in terms of what if the caterer said the canapes were going to cost £100 more for whatever reason, or the DJ pulled out and the next cheapest was £100 more.

You take it on the chin and you deal with it. My wedding, my problem.

Augustus_the_Strong

[QUOTE/]
A little foresight might have suggested that things can change in that period of time - not only do people get pregnant, they loose and gain weight, and they have arguments so serious that they cease to be friends.![/QUOTE]
Ha ha - who knows, you might cancel the whole wedding. But one has to make some assumptions, or planning would be impossible.

h15t0r1an

I like the idea several posters have suggested here of inviting her to be maid of honour instead. I seem to remember long ago a married lady would have been maid of honour rather than bridesmaid and this is similar. Can she wear what she wants as maid of honour? perhaps that would be something from her own wardrobe she would prefer to choose depending on how she feels nearer the date.

However if she really does genuinely seem to feel you should automatically provide her a replacement dress and if you would like to be confident that her outfit will fit in with the other outfits in your wedding photos, I personally would simply pay for a new dress without comment if I could afford to. It's not worth losing a friend over.

If someone comes to work for you and then gets pregnant, you are obliged to pay them maternity leave even though their getting pregnant was not something you planned so I don't see this is much different.

If she has the class to offer to cover any extra expense, assuming she is in a position to, this would be very decent of her but in this day and age I wouldn't expect it.

thriftyrb

I’m getting married in May next year; I also already have bought my 3 bridesmaids dresses. If anyone of my chosen 3 bridesmaids were to tell me they were expecting before my wedding I would be over the moon for them. To add I do have a home with a mortgage and I’m not planning on having a family as of yet, we have been saving for our big day for some years now and everything has been on a tight budget! So don’t judge this bride to be too much as you don’t know all the facts! However I do sense your not ecstatic about the news your bridesmaid is pregnant, I don’t think it was nice of her to expect a replacement dress off you and I don’t think any of my best friends would put me in this position, but if they did I’m sure we would find away TOGETHER to solve the problem….. P.S congratulation and good luck x

rinabean

MR777 wrote: »

I can't believe some of the replies on here. Since when did someone choosing to have a baby mean that anyone else has to be out of pocket as a result? She's the one having the baby so she should pay for any prior arrangements that are affected as a consequence of that decision.

Babies, new people - mother's responsibility.

Weddings, generally pointless parties - everyone's responsibility.

Very sensible.

scarlet_macaw wrote: »

A little foresight might have suggested that things can change in that period of time - not only do people get pregnant, they loose and gain weight, and they have arguments so serious that they cease to be friends. By all means plan and choose the dresses well in advance but actually have them made? - Never!

Yeah, 4 months in advance is bizarre really. Bad planning.


It's just a party and there's no reason to get so worked up over it. It's just one day. Try and look at the big picture. Of course it's not fair to get your friend to give you money for getting pregnant before your wedding. Whether you change the dress, she wears her own dress she already has, or you pay for a new one, it doesn't matter. But don't ask her for money fgs.

ptrichardson

You've asked her to be your bridesmaid and while you can reasonable expect her to not lose or gain enough weight that she wouldn't be able to have the dress easily altered in the meantime, you cannot expect her to put her life on hold for your benefit.

Its your responsibility to provide the dress if you want someone to be part of your wedding.

Why should anyone be expected to pay out of their own pocket for someone else's wedding?


I got married 2 years ago, and this is the type of reason that any wedding budget includes a "contingency" fund.
I'm sure you can get some money back from the original dress too - so its not going to cost a fortune, surely?

DigForVictory

I think the technical term for a married woman on the bride's team is Matron of Honour. Bridesmaids are technically unmarried.
In case anyone is minded about semantics!
If the bridesmaid under discussion is unmarried, then the wording gets more ticklish, and I'll leave it to you both to agree on a title, and as an intrguing point for discussion for any other parties.

Any

You've paid for one dress... now she is pregnant she is demanding a new dress..
Yes she is pregnant and she says she can't afford it.. I think you are paying for meal etc for XY people and already bought one dress, I think you can ill afford it too..

Would I fall pregnant when someone already bought me dress, I would either afford to step down or ask you if I can alter/have different dress bought by me and also used on other occassions for comfort as I will be quite heavily pregnant by then..
I would not expect you to go and pay for another outfit for me, as you already paid for one.

A friend who demanded another dress would not be my friend anymore I am affraid. Perhaps a friend who would have nice chat to me about it suggesting the above might however even get a new dress, an old dress and baby dress too!!

careerbee

Especially if you've paid for one already, it's her problem.
Is she going to need new shoes with that too if you've got any kind of heels for her?!?!
I'm due to be a bridesmaid in July. If I get pregnant between now and the wedding I will be either buying myself a new dress or dropping out (with regret as I have never been a bridesmaid) because it's my problem and shouldn't ruin her special day! It's just not fair.

*j9*

axa wrote: »

Anyone who's mad enough to spend that amount of money on one day rather than a deposit for a house i or to nvest it for their children's future can afford a new dress. You asked asked her to be bridesmaid after all .
Although if I was her I'd be apalled that you're so obsessed with your own wedding that the fact She is pregnant has been seen as an inconvenience rather than the happy thing it is, get your priotitiesr sorted.

Sorry but who are you to assume that
a) they don't already have a house
b) they're spending a large amount on their wedding

As someone who is currently planning a wedding, if you want to save money, sometimes you have to buy things in advance. I bought my bridesmaid dresses in August for a March wedding as they were on offer. It was too good to pass up. Bridesmaid dresses aren't cheap!

Personally I think the bridesmaid should pay for at least half of the replacement dress...