'Living Simply' with children

Mojisola

Kayalana99 wrote: »

End day when they are 30 or so looking back with their own kids they won't have fond memories of their xbox or watching tv they will have memories of spending it with their family...

And maybe those memories will be of being bored out of their heads because the parents always insisted on playing board games or tramping around the countryside instead of sometimes watching TV or using a computer.

We live in the 21st century and part of a parent's job is to help their children cope with life. I don't think that preventing your children from accessing what is a major part of modern life is a good idea.

Most families manage a balance - play a computer game, play sports, walk in the countryside, watch television, etc.

balletshoes

Kayalana99 wrote: »

My little brother watchs tv, plays minecraft on computer, plays on his xbox - friends? No.

My partners little brother plays football, can't sit still unless hes outside - friends? Loads.

Admittly they have a TV but their only computer is a notebook(netbook? small laptop) which their father uses for work and nothing more. No consoles.

They havn't *choosen* to live this way they simply can't afford the extras but as a result they have a closer family.

I'd rather my kids be able to talk about what they did that weekend then what happened in Ben10 or something

End day when they are 30 or so looking back with their own kids they won't have fond memories of their xbox or watching tv they will have memories of spending it with their family...

I think you've just summarised why limiting and not banning TV/technology in the home for kids is the optimum state .

balletshoes

poet123 wrote: »

Why does it have to be either or?

My sons all played on the Xbox, they all played football for a local team, and Rugby, and another sport at County and National level. And they all have friends. Issues only arise when a child watches TV or games to the exclusion of all else and it is up to the parent to make sure that doesn't happen.

exactly - it also depends on the child. My niece and nephew are definitely outdoors sporty kids, one plays schoolboy international football, the other one is never in at the weekend as she has so many sports clubs she goes to with her friends.

Both have always had access to the TV at home, Sky channels included, and now they have laptops, tablets and the desktop at home as well. They haven't stopped their sporting activities to stay home and watch telly!

thorsoak

Araboo - I do think that you might be over-exaggerating the influence of tv/electronic devices have over today's children. I'm just back from a trip to see my 3 dgds - aged 7, 10 and 15. They all have tvs/dvds in their rooms, they also have i-pads. Eldest uses her i-pad a lot for her homework -and is writing a critique of one of the soaps for her english drama GCSE - she's shown it to me, and I am very impressed. Youngest one is very interested in outer space at the moment and is carefully making a star map for her ceiling - from some sort of game on her i-pad. No 2 dgd is carefully making a family tree - and is skyping elderly aunts/cousins etc, asking them questions.

And of course, they play all the usual games on the i-pads too! But whilst I was with them, I saw the Christmas Concert in which the two smaller ones were "starring", and also the Senior School concert which involved eldest. They also play instruments (very badly, I have to admit - my ears hurt - not sure what was worse - violin or clarinet :-D :-D) They participate in sports, love dressing up/painting nails etc. And what did we do on Sunday afternoon? Played a game of murder monopoly - and it wasn't just brought out for granny either! Then, Sunday evening I was thrashed at draughts - before we all snuggled down to watch the results of Strictly.

That's what I call balance. It's hard work for the parents too - to ensure that they're not watching "rubbish" tv/playing electronic games when you have an age gap of 9 years between oldest and youngest - but your oldest child is 6 - it should not be so hard for you to ensure that he isn't just playing guns & things games. Maybe you should involve Dad as well.

glitter_fairy

we have been looking into this, we used to be very strict now all of a sudden they are nearlly teens and I have realised how much time they spend on their ipods etc.

So rather than cut them off as they will need to know how to work all these things, we have put new rules in place, and we have put other things in place to do as a family, we have started teaching them how to play poker and other games, its been so much fun

minimoneysaver

I used to be a nanny. One of the families I worked for didn't have a TV. The little boy was bullied at school to within an inch of his life and had very few friends. The reason for this.....he didn't have anything in common with his peers. He had nothing to talk about. Didn't know how to act out playground games where they acted out scenes from programs. Worst of all, when he went to one little boys house, he outright refused to play, because there was a TV and he wanted to see the programs that he was missing out on.

A very sad situation. I really wish that things could have been different for this little boy....the same little boy ended up going to university. Struggled to make friends there and ended his life.

Is the lack of TV as a child to blame for this, who knows?

The only thing I do know is that this little boy really wanted to be like his friends....his parents wouldn't allow it.

flitter

I'll start off by admitting I haven't read all the replies to the original post so someone may have similar experiences, but if it's any help I had a friend decide to do something very similar with her children.

It didn't go bad for the first few weeks, but her son started going round to a friends to watch TV rather than playing outside like he had been, she didn't find out for about a month that he'd been doing it and he'd been watching programs she'd never have let him watch at home.

The next problem she had was when her daughters school started a project based around a particular weekly TV show, she had to go to a friends each week to watch it and ended up watching more than just that show. And ofc it's very easy for kids to watch stuff on the computer or on a smart phone while 'doing research for school project' which was something else she caught them both doing.

The kids didn't cause any problems at home or fuss too much about it for the first 6 months or so, they just spent time trying to find other ways to watch the programs they wanted. The other problem they had was that they became the odd ones out at school and ended up fighting when other kids said their parents must be crazy, they were to poor to afford a TV etc., unfortunately kids can be cruel.

Eventually the house turned into a battleground with fights over not having a TV, Xbox, Playstation etc. and only having access to the computer for homework. Maybe if they had been younger when she started it might have been different, they were 12 and 14.

Eventually after about a year of sticking it out she and her husband got a TV but the kids still got picked on at school and eventually ended up moving schools for a fresh start.

I did want to do something similar, but after watching her problems, and being caught in the middle sometimes, I went for no electrical stuff in bedrooms and a strict schedule on program watching.

Both kids get 30 mins a day to record anything they want to watch, if it's something for school and I get a note from a teacher that goes as extra and gets watched during homework time.

We watch what they record together, and if I don't think it's appropriate it gets turned off and doesn't get recorded again.

They can swap the 30 mins of TV for console/computer games or facebook/twitter now that they are older, and the kids can combine their times so they have a hour altogether it there's an hour long program they both want to watch. If there's an hour long program as a one off and the other doesn't want to combine time I let them use 2 days worth of allowance.

Hubby and I get 30 mins each as well so they cannot complain it's unfair, and they can sit and watch what we record if they really want, since ours tend to be documentaries they mostly don't and we watch them after the kids are in bed. We do both get more time on the computer than the kids, but again it tends to be after they are in bed.

We also make sure we have family time once a week where we play board/card games, go for a walk etc. which is set in stone. Both kids go to our local youth center where I know they play films etc. but it's all age related and from what I gather talking to the leaders they don't spend much time watching them anyway, they are more interested in either talking to friends or the craft projects.

It doesn't stop them going round to a friends house and watching TV while they are outside, and I'm not prepared to battle over it if they do. But since most of their friends prefer to come over to ours and help cook, help out with any craft projects and spend time with us I guess that I don't have to worry to much about it.

If you do go ahead, good luck and be prepared for any knock on effect outside the home in case any happen. Also discuss it with their teachers so the school is kept in the loop in case of school projects etc.

notanewuser

Araboo27 wrote: »

My eldest has got Xbox games on his bday (in dec) and xmas list - how do I deal with this?

Stop this practice for a start!!!!

Araboo27 wrote: »

Yes, that's my thought exactly!! My eldest is 6 and his favourite game on his iPad - yes he has his own iPad - is called 'Trigger Fist' its this army/shooting game and I hate myself for allowing him to have it but sometimes it's a million times easier to agree to something than to have the argument isn't it?

I love the idea of actually spending quality time together and playing games/going out instead of our lives revolving around one form of technology or another

How on earth did your 6 year old end up with his own iPad?!

I'm with those that question the parenting rather than the "get rid of the tv" project.

duchy

Why on earth would you buy a five or six year old an Ipad in the first place ?
You seem to be swinging from one extreme to another which is hardly consistant parenting.

You don't need to ban TV but you definitely need to get a grip on technology and not allow your kids a free for all. I deal with parents every day who have no idea how the technology their kids use work so the kids are free to download and watch what they please and the parents when they do catch on have no idea how to block access,

duchy

Araboo27 wrote: »

Jesus - why am I being slammed as a parent?! My three children are well adjusted, well behaved and very happy. I am a good Mother and, in my opinion, have the perfect balance of discipline and being easy going and fun.

Just because I suggest something different to the norm I'm jumped on and branded as incompetent and unable to 'control' my children?

Araboo27 wrote: »

Yes, that's my thought exactly!! My eldest is 6 and his favourite game on his iPad - yes he has his own iPad - is called 'Trigger Fist' its this army/shooting game and I hate myself for allowing him to have it but sometimes it's a million times easier to agree to something than to have the argument isn't it?

I love the idea of actually spending quality time together and playing games/going out instead of our lives revolving around one form of technology or another

Well frankly you can't. You're allowing a six year old to play a non age appropriate game because you can't be bothered or don't want to say no. If you can't say no to a six year old how on earth do you think you'll have any control or influence when your kids are teens. You are their parent first and their friend second....and sometimes the parent has to draw a line and say no no matter how much they want to be their child's best friend and be thought of as fun.

Not sure how much of a fun Mummy you'll be banning all technology in one fell swoop ...when they are angry and upset with you-will you use the Ipad approach and reverse it because they don't like you when you're not Fun Mummy ?

Kids really like consistency-it helps them feel secure.

All that evil technology has an off switch -it's a million times easier to leave it turned on than to make the effort and engage-but the rewards for doing so are priceless. Wean them off gently rather than go for a blanket ban -it's far more likely to work.