'Living Simply' with children

OrkneyStar

Araboo27 wrote: »

Lol, no I don't think you are being rude! I do disagree with you though and I believe a number of people have been very critical and rude. I'm happy to hear other opinions and do agree with many points that others have made but I do not expect to judged on my parenting skills by random strangers.

What happened to 'friendly' debate?!

Another one who thinks there has not really been much rudeness, just differing opinions and suggestions. Don't take it as a criticism when someone takes a slightly different slant to you, after all you did ask.
I'd say the conclusion is that you feel things are going well, but that the t.v./gadgets could become a problem for your family. So you have 2 choices- remove or limit. I'd be a bit wary of removing as it might lead to them becoming more obsessed with what they cannot have (especially if friends talk about it and so on), limited access lets them have a little fun, but also teaches the importance of everything in moderation. We let DS (6) play the wii with age appropriate games, but we also walk, read (all sorts), play board games, watch t.v./computer, play with lego/cars/dress-up, talk, draw, write and so on. Balance is key and also a good thing to teach.
Best of luck!

kboss2010

I mean this in the nicest possible way:

I understand not wanting to have technology around but going cold turkey seems like sticking your head in a bucket of sand. Kids will get their hands on rubbish tv/video games etc whether it be at a relative's house or out with friends or whatever. Instead of banning it, how about limiting it and keeping your kids entertained in other ways? If you make it fun, eventually they may start choosing the fun outdoor stuff over the xbox. This way it teaches them to make the right choices as opposed to being something forbidden.

I only say this because my OH had this style of parenting forced upon him as a teen. He wasn't allowed to watch certain things or do certain things so now that he's away from home he's gone crazy lol! Granted, his "forbidden stuff" was anything remotely dangerous e.g. Rugby so now he climbs, flies gliders, dives and would like to try base-jumping!

There's no faster way to make a kid crave something than by outright forbidding it. Conversely, my parents never banned anything and when I got to the rebellious teen stage, I had nothing to rebel against. Kinda took the excitement away compared with my friends who went mad.

In my experience, with anything growing up, it's better to have been guided through the complex brave new world of violent video games, the increasingly sexualised world of the internet and teen life by my parents than try to pretend we're living in a world of puritanical innocence and getting a huge shock later on.

Lunar_Eclipse

Re: going cold turkey and kids craving something that is banned:

I think you can decide you are not going to have a TV/technology in your home, without banning it. For instance, we don't have any cigarettes or red meat in our house, because we aren't smokers (ie users of cigarettes) or consumers of meat, but they aren't necessarily banned, we just choose not to have them in the house.

You can also do this without speaking negatively about it, just responding to any question that may (immediately or eventually) come up about it from the children that it's a lifestyle choice you made; no big deal. I say this because it's not really a big deal and I can't help but feel that anyone who thinks it is has blown their role out of healthy proportion. Most people love watching a good programme or film on TV, but that's not to say it's something we would consciously choose to do on a very regular (daily) basis. Same with chocolate, alcohol etc.

poet123

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Re: going cold turkey and kids craving something that is banned:

I think you can decide you are not going to have a TV/technology in your home, without banning it. For instance, we don't have any cigarettes or red meat in our house, because we aren't smokers (ie users of cigarettes) or consumers of meat, but they aren't necessarily banned, we just choose not to have them in the house.

You can also do this without speaking negatively about it, just responding to any question that may (immediately or eventually) come up about it from the children that it's a lifestyle choice you made; no big deal. I say this because it's not really a big deal and I can't help but feel that anyone who thinks it is has blown their role out of healthy proportion. Most people love watching a good programme or film on TV, but that's not to say it's something we would consciously choose to do on a very regular (daily) basis. Same with chocolate, alcohol etc.

Technology is all around us though, and if you choose not to engage with it personally that is fine as an adult choice, but, if you make that decision for your children you are setting them apart and yes, disadvantaging them.

Lunar_Eclipse

poet123 wrote: »

Technology is all around us though, and if you choose not to engage with it personally that is fine as an adult choice, but, if you make that decision for your children you are setting them apart and yes, disadvantaging them.

There is a world of difference between not having a TV at home, and children not engaging with technology.

Children can still engage with technology, plus they have a natural tendancy to pick things up incredibly quickly. Watching children's TV and playing games on an X-box isn't really engaging in technology anyway, is it? And I bet it would take a 5 year old less than 5 minutes to figure either of them out if they wanted to.;)

poet123

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

There is a world of difference between not having a TV at home, and children not engaging with technology.

Children can still engage with technology, plus they have a natural tendancy to pick things up incredibly quickly. Watching children's TV and playing games on an X-box isn't really engaging in technology anyway, is it? And I bet it would take a 5 year old less than 5 minutes to figure either of them out if they wanted to.;)

You might be surprised at the good things which can come out of game playing; improved manual dexterity, hand/eye co ordination, increased perception. Of course, the tendency is to equate game playing with violence but there are some great educational games out there too. Additionally, as they get older if they can't talk about things all their peers do it is isolating.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, there is a middle ground. I think that choosing to remove such influences completely is like trying to put the genie back into the bottle. I am not sure why anyone would go down that route unless they believed that as a parent they could not adequately control and supervise usage and so had to impose an outright ban. A bit like an alcoholic not daring to take even one drink as they know it is outside their control or comfort zone.

19lottie82

Right I'm prob going to get shot down for saying this, but IMO and based on my own personal experiences........

If it hasn't happened already by this point, if a kid doesn't have access to a TV / Games Console and all that jazz, when he reaches High School and the other kids find out, I would be more than willing to put on a bet that he will be bullied within an inch of his life.

Of course it's pathetic and cruel, but I'm only being realistic. Kids can be nasty, and peer pressure it a b!tch.

duchy

Araboo27 wrote: »

Jesus - why am I being slammed as a parent?! My three children are well adjusted, well behaved and very happy. I am a good Mother and, in my opinion, have the perfect balance of discipline and being easy going and fun.

Just because I suggest something different to the norm I'm jumped on and branded as incompetent and unable to 'control' my children?

I wouldn't say incompetent -inflexible perhaps.
I do find that parents who think they are perfect -usually aren't though

What are you going to do when your child comes home and says "My best friend won't play with me because I won't play <whatever the latest trend is> but I don't even know what it is" ...what are you going to do when the teacher tells you at parents evening that little Camilla is sociologically and socially isolated because she has less in common with her classmates ......when the teacher wants to discuss in class an international event your kids weren't able to see, think about the Olympics...how they inspired some kids -even had you been able to get tickets and gone to Stratford -one day wouldn't have inspired in the same way (and odds are you'd have seen little).

I don't think you've thought this through - The easy thing is to ban it -and take the disadvantages that brings on the chin - and risk your child missing exposure to inspiring stuff. How many zoologists and bontanists do you think David Attenborough has inspired - for example.

Your kids will still be exposed to bad language at school .......is the next step homeschooling ? I have friends who do that....They all say TV is an essential resource.

Selective TV viewing is a harder option for you - you'd have to monitor and restrict it - but in exchange have more educational value available in your home and kids who will invite friends to their home instead of preferring to spend time at theirs where TV is available rather than completely banned. If you ban something you make it mysterious and desirable-so more attractive. Is that what you really want ?

Kayalana99

My little brother watchs tv, plays minecraft on computer, plays on his xbox - friends? No.

My partners little brother plays football, can't sit still unless hes outside - friends? Loads.

Admittly they have a TV but their only computer is a notebook(netbook? small laptop) which their father uses for work and nothing more. No consoles.

They havn't *choosen* to live this way they simply can't afford the extras but as a result they have a closer family.

I'd rather my kids be able to talk about what they did that weekend then what happened in Ben10 or something

End day when they are 30 or so looking back with their own kids they won't have fond memories of their xbox or watching tv they will have memories of spending it with their family...

poet123

Kayalana99 wrote: »

My little brother watchs tv, plays minecraft on computer, plays on his xbox - friends? No.

My partners little brother plays football, can't sit still unless hes outside - friends? Loads.

Admittly they have a TV but their only computer is a notebook(netbook? small laptop) which their father uses for work and nothing more. No consoles.

They havn't *choosen* to live this way they simply can't afford the extras but as a result they have a closer family.

I'd rather my kids be able to talk about what they did that weekend then what happened in Ben10 or something

End day when they are 30 or so looking back with their own kids they won't have fond memories of their xbox or watching tv they will have memories of spending it with their family...

Why does it have to be either or?

My sons all played on the Xbox, they all played football for a local team, and Rugby, and another sport at County and National level. And they all have friends. Issues only arise when a child watches TV or games to the exclusion of all else and it is up to the parent to make sure that doesn't happen.