please can you offer advice i can show my 18 yo

ilikewatch

Unfortunately teenagers do daft things and sometimes no amount of sage advice from their elders will make a blind bit of difference. Several times this year my neighbours 18 year old has decided that he would spend his taxi money on drinks and walk home from Lincoln to his mum's house in Market Rasen (almost 20 miles) along an unlit country A road with no footpaths, he still continues to do this despite all the warnings he's had and despite having a key to his dad's house which is 10 minutes walk from Lincoln City centre.

Spendless

My parents would have reacted exactly how pukkamum describes her parents doing, plus my Dad was a shift worker so would sometimes been at work when I was out and my only sibling is 7 years younger than me. I couldn't realistically expect that my Mum could either wake her up to or leave my 11yo sister home alone in the middle of the night to come and collect me as I'd spent my money. I kept the money separately in my bag and always enough to get me home independently.


Not that one ever happened but in the event of an emergency eg bag stolen I would have had to call home reversing charges (days before mobile phones) and paid for the taxi farye at the other end at home.

ilikewatch

Perhaps you could encourage her to leave the price of a taxi at home, and she could always get a taxi back and nip in to get the money when she got back (unless you live in a dodgy area where taxis have to be paid up front?)
If you're financing her lifestyle then maybe this could be a condition of her getting her pocket money/allowance or whatever - i.e. you retain the some of her money, and then leave it somewhere safe once she's gone out to remove the temptation to spend it.

FatVonD

If you can afford it I like Poet's idea of an account with a local taxi firm, preferably whatever your local version of black cabs is so she's not getting into any old car thinking it's a mini cab. That's what I've always planned to do though redundancy might mean that's out of the question for me now.

Failing that get her to leave the taxi fare at home as per the above post so she can't spend it.

daisygirlmac

OP I'm the eldest of four girls and my youngest sister is 17 and does a lot of the same sorts of things as your daughter. As others have said, they don't seem to have the golden rule of sticking together anymore and often either she or her mates are absolutely paralytic and get into stupid situations.

My mum always made it clear she would either come and get us or sort out a taxi (although you'd have to wake her up to ask for the money :eek:) but my god, would you know about it the next day. When I moved out my sisters used to suddenly appear at my door (closer to town) with no money for taxis, or there'd be a 3am phonecall. I didn't mind at all, I always said same as mum so that they knew there was always a safe option. The youngest though, she just doesn't listen. She walks back, she doesn't watch her drinks and she thinks she's invincible.

This weekend, third sister's friend got spiked in Manchester and had to be taken to A&E. Me and mum sat youngest sis down and were absolutely brutal (we timed it for her being hungover so she'd be less inclined to argue the toss!). We went right through what can happen, being raped, murdered, robbed, etc etc and I think she's finally come round to the point of view that she cannot continue to put herself in unsafe situations. We've agreed she'll always have taxi money left (mum is going to take it from her before she leaves) but we also said it is up to her to make sure she is safe. Friends who leave others are not friends. Good luck OP you just have to keep hammering it home!

monim1

I think you need to talk with her seriously. You have to make yourself confident that you can handle her. You can take help from your friends.

sassyblue

olibrofiz wrote: »

She's 18, drives me mad with her untidiness & yeah whatever attitude. But i love her, & she just won,t listen to my worries about her safety. My concerns are over when she goes to town at the weekends. She goes with hardly any money, & invariably her 'friends' get para, or cop off, and leave her. Two weekends ago I had to go an pick her up at 4am as she rang me asking for help. She'd been abandoned for the umpteenth time, had no money and no way to get home, and no 'friends' place to crash out at

I keep telling her she's taking risks, not to accept drinks off people -'its fine Im with them at the bar' etc. This isn't the half of it, but she won't listen. Its like watching a slow motion car crash.

Just at a loss really. At 18 I can hardly ground her! Help

EDIT: she's not promiscuous BTW, shes Choosey, which isn't a bad thing

I can't believe how childish and spoilt your daughter is, l wouldn't have dreamed of not looking out for myself and making sure l had enough money to get home. And you go straight out to get her!

No wonder she's got such an attitude, it's really sad that she doesn't respect herself and puts herself in potentially dangerous situations.

poet123

This is an interesting thread which concerns this subject
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4805663

(putting yourself in risky situations) and yet there are those on there who think that girls/lads out on the town can do as they please and suffer no consequences.

Alias_Omega

Sounds like mum & daughter need a night out..

Then at 4am ask her how "your both" getting home...

olibrofiz

Thanks for your thoughts all.

To clarify, this was the first time she rang and asked me to pick her up, I was the last resort & for once I had no cash in the house, or a cash machine nearby, to be able to pay for a taxi. And they won't take cheques. Previously when she's been abandoned (4-5 times maybe) she managed to bump into someone she knew and tagged along with them to a party or whatever :mad:

We HAVE talked about how she's putting herself at risk etc, etc but as someone said, it's the 'bad things happen to other people' mentality. And yes, I've said these people are not real friends if they can abandon her like that. Thing is she goes out to have a dance, a laugh, few drinks - her 'friends' go out to get absolutely slaughtered, or pull - she needs new friends but that's easier said than done.

For future nights out she's agreed to have taxi money, left at home. If she uses it, she replaces it, and if it's not replaced she doesn't go out till it is.

And yes, haha, I could suggest I go with her :cool: