please can you offer advice i can show my 18 yo

double_mummy

yeah it astounds me that she is happy to go out with people who dont all stay together

if someone wanted to leave someone else when i went out as a group they would not be invited on our next night out

we all went together and we all came back together we would organise how we are getting home and where we were staying before we went out taxis booked etc

we went out recently as a group of 6 of us we dont even split up when we are inside the club we go everywhere in at least pairs none of us are ever on our own even doing this a friend was slipped something in her drink she was acting as if she was absolutely wasted after 1 drink and being their about an hour we told the bouncers and all left together to ensure she got home safely

unfortunately she may not change until something bad happens to one of her friends

pukkamum

Can I ask what your reaction is when this happens.
If I even so much as made too much noise coming in from a night out would lead to a right ear bashing from mum, if I regularly phoned asking for a lift cos I'd spent all my money not because something major had happened no way of getting home safely she would have come out I knew that but the grief I would get would be monumental.

pukkamum

The fact is at 18 she should be able to be sensible enough to realise this happens regularly and she should plan her budget accordingly always having taxi fare.
I had a little zip in my bag where I kept my taxi fare and never ever spent in the night at that age and I wasn't the most sensible drinker at 18.

space_rider

Google Caroline Coyne. There was another woman who left Nottingham early hours in the morning after a night out and didn't have enough for bus fare. She attempted to walk some of the way to meet her Mum but she was dragged into the forest recreation ground and raped quite brutally.

I don't know that reading this will make any difference to your daughter as children seem to think that bad things won't happen to them. I personally won't even get into a taxi as I don't know the driver.

I have 4 daughters and it is such a worry. My eldest has come home in a state after a night out and lost her friends with no keys, mobile, etc etc. She too walked the same way that the girl who got raped did. I could not believe how stupid my daughter was but I guess with the alcohol they just don't have the fear. I have another daughter who has got very very drunk and had to be put to bed by her friends, lord knows what would have happened if she didn't have decent friends. I have lectured my daughters so many times about consuming too much alcohol but if falls on deaf ears.

Hope your daughter stops doing this soon but in the meantime you can't do anything but go and pick her up.

kelpie35

pukkamum wrote: »

Can I ask what your reaction is when this happens.
If I even so much as made too much noise coming in from a night out would lead to a right ear bashing from mum, if I regularly phoned asking for a lift cos I'd spent all my money not because something major had happened no way of getting home safely she would have come out I knew that but the grief I would get would be monumental.

Thats what i call respecting your parents. :j

That is what is lacking with young people now a days.

OP can you let your DD know how much her behaviour is upsetting and worrying you.

I also think she really has to take a serious look at who her friends are. If they were true friends they would never leave her on her own especially knowing she has no money or any way to get home safely.

pukkamum

The way girls get on nights out now terrifies me, I know its a bit of in my time it wasn't this bad, but I'm convinced it wasn't.
I was 18 around 1995 and we got in some right states admittedly but nothing like what you see driving through town late at night, girls vomiting and laying in the road.
Me and my friends would have been mortified to get in that state but now kids think its funny.
Just adds to my cannanis versus alchohol legality issues buts thats a different thread.

pukkamum

kelpie35 wrote: »

Thats what i call respecting your parents. :j

That is what is lacking with young people now a days.

OP can you let your DD know how much her behaviour is upsetting and worrying you.

I also think she really has to take a serious look at who her friends are. If they were true friends they would never leave her on her own especially knowing she has no money or any way to get home safely.

It was totally about respect, once we hit 18 she treated us as adults, she accepted we were experimenting with drink and drugs and that sometimes we would end up in a state but she made it clear coming home in a complete state too often and you'll get told, be unsafe and you'll get told.
She had to work and we all respected we couldn't disrupt her sleep every
weekend and it very rarely did.

Kaz2904

I had to renegotiate my curfew at that age as we lived in a village so the taxi was :eek: so we all shared a taxi to the village with me being the last drop off. (I'm sure I always got stiffed!). I was told by my Aunty and Uncle that if I couldn't get home then I was to ring them (this was before widespread mobile phones).
I had to be collected ONCE after a house party. I was so drunk I couldn't stand. The conversation was so mortifying that I never wanted to repeat it.
I made sure I never had to ring them to get me from town but we all knew to save our fare so we only had our share. We also knew that our parents (my Aunty and Uncle) would be in contact with each other if any of us claimed to have been left or anything.

My plan for DD (a way off yet I hope) is that if she gets stuck, I collect her. She knows how much I love being woken and her Dad is soft. She will get ear ache and ribbing forever if she wants me to fetch her!

sharnad

mgdavid wrote: »

she's not putting herself in a situation she's very sensibly calling home, and you should be grateful for that. Hopefully when she's a bit older she'll do the same for you.

Sensible would be not getting separated from your friends pre booking a taxi and keeping spare cash that don't touch

Alchemilla

Who is funding her lifestyle? If it is you, you dont have to.