please can you offer advice i can show my 18 yo

olibrofiz

She's 18, drives me mad with her untidiness & yeah whatever attitude. But i love her, & she just won,t listen to my worries about her safety. My concerns are over when she goes to town at the weekends. She goes with hardly any money, & invariably her 'friends' get para, or cop off, and leave her. Two weekends ago I had to go an pick her up at 4am as she rang me asking for help. She'd been abandoned for the umpteenth time, had no money and no way to get home, and no 'friends' place to crash out at

I keep telling her she's taking risks, not to accept drinks off people -'its fine Im with them at the bar' etc. This isn't the half of it, but she won't listen. Its like watching a slow motion car crash.

Just at a loss really. At 18 I can hardly ground her! Help

EDIT: she's not promiscuous BTW, shes Choosey, which isn't a bad thing

pukkamum

Well gosh I really don't know what I would or what you could do with that situation, you could say tough love is needed here leave her to sort it out but would I want my daughter out alone at 4am, no way.
I'm afraid you may have set a precedent by picking her up, at that age my mum had no car so I knew there was no way I could call for a lift but then my friends would never have left me in that situation, I would be asking if true friends woud do that anyway.
If she phoned me I would be tempted to call her a taxi, pay for it but then get the money back from her.
Does she have a job?
Where does she get her money from, if you are giving her money I would be withholding it.

monty-doggy

Perhaps shock tactics? Does she listen to the news? Find some examples of girls in a similar situation and had a bad experience or been attacked? If she knew the potential dangers first hand, she wouldn't put herself in that situation.

mgdavid

she's not putting herself in a situation she's very sensibly calling home, and you should be grateful for that. Hopefully when she's a bit older she'll do the same for you.

Molly41

I will always go and rescue my kids if need be and I dont think you are setting a precedent. I think she has lousy friends and needs support to develop new friendships. Is she at college atm?

Saturnalia

I agree with Molly. Friends - friends worth having - don't let friends find their own way home at 4am. They stick together and share taxis home if they can.

And pals who get paralytic and vanish are a liability, to their own safety and their friends'.

Does she have other pals she could go out with? Or at least budget taxi fare and keep it separate from the rest of the night's spends?

Brighton_belle

I wonder though if they are all equally lousy friends to each other, i.e. She abandons them uSometimes too? and it is just a group ethos, which is rather sad.
I do think that you are right to always pick her up though.
I just can't think of anything useful to suggest. I'm presuming there is no one else who could get through to her?

theoretica

Has she done any self defence classes?

poet123

I bought all my kids a key ring thing with space for a £10 note, they have never had to use it but it is there if needed.

I think the old ethos of stick together has gone...I regularly despair when my kids tell me x vanished during the evening and they came home alone. That would never have happened when I was on the town with my friends, but, sadly, it seems the norm today.

How about opening an account with a local taxi company so at least you know she can get home if she is alone without funds. They will simply bill you.

justjohn

As someone says encourage new friends. its all you can do really ....

elsien

I think there's just a general sense of invulnerability at that age - you see the scare stories but you just don't think it's going to happen to you.
I know I did some spectacularly stupid things at a similar age, I knew the risks but somehow didn't think they applied to me.
Other than ensuring there's always some sort of back-up plan, I'm not sure how you break through that.