Please help. Really struggling.

System

But having got to the age of 44 and having never been married, some people might think its wrong if I had sex without being married to the person?

Its no ones business but your own.

Do I call myself a Christian, yes I do but would I abstain from sex until marriage? Not in a million years.

Billie-S

Oh wow, bless you all so much! What a lot of incredibly lovely people. From atheists/non-believers to 'strict' Christians and more laid-back ones.Virtually every single comment on this thread has been helpful, informative, kind, and funny, and above all - very welcoming and friendly.

I appreciate the comments from the people who say they have a non-believer for a partner, and that the Church is still OK with them. That is one of my worries, although I must say, many women seem to be alone without a partner there, and then I see them in town with their husband. (And several men at Church without partners too.) So not ALL people in Church have a partner who goes as well.

Where I live is about 10 minutes walk from the Church I go to, and there are a couple of others within 3 to 5 miles, but TBH, I would have preferred to have stayed at the Church I am at. (As it's closeby.) But obviously, if it doesn'tsuit, it's no good.

However, I think I may take the advice from people who have said maybe try it for a bit longer, and perhaps try to find some like-minded people. Because I'm sure not EVERYone can think such bigoted thoughts.

The woman who made the comment about homosexuals, was exactly like the women from my other Church actually: like very obsessed, and the sort who raises her hands to receive Jesus, like the OTT evangilistic types.

Seriously though, they tried to drag me into their little evangelist 'sect'and I fear that a few of these women in my new Church may be the same. But I am sure not everyone can think the same, and I think, no matter what Church I go to, some people are going to be a bit like this.

So I have made the decision to not go back to that group. I have the one woman's mobile phone number, and I shall text her and say that it wasn't for me and that I felt a little overwhelmed being in a big crowd of people I didn't know. As usual, there was a few who talked a lot and didn't give other people a chance, and I didn't feel 100% comfortable anyway. In fact, I was watching the clock willing 9pm to come, so I could go!

But I am going to continue to go to Church every 3 weeks or so. I think that this is an acceptable amount of frequency, and I pray when I am alone, and I am fine with my husband and most of my friends being atheist.

Also, on the occasions I have been, most people have just said 'hello' and haven't grilled and questioned me or asked where my husband is or why I wasn't here 'last' week. I was a bit concerned about the Vicar's comment saying 'are you with the right people?' but maybe he just wants people to be sure they are OK with what theyhave. I guess I shall play it by ear.

One thing I can say is that this thread has proven that atheist people and Christians CAN get on, as virtually EVERYone has been courteous and kind and very tolerant.

I live in a small market town on the border of Lancashire and Yorkshire BTW. Thank you so so so much everyone. I will keep you posted on this thread, how things go...

THANK YOU :A

ifstar

My view is that religion is the worst thing man has invented and the cause of many of the problems in the world.

I have no problem with people believing in their religion but do have problems when some try to enforce it onto others or have disgusting and bigoted views. The catholic church has been involved with one of the biggest cover-ups of abuse (physical and sexual) in history from people deeply connected to god.

To the OP, sounds like you have been reassured enough from what most of the others are saying. You'll meet people with extreme views but you are switched on enough to recognise this and can suitably ignore and move away from these strange individuals.

Billie-S

ifstar wrote: »

To the OP, sounds like you have been reassured enough from what most of the others are saying. You'll meet people with extreme views but you are switched on enough to recognise this and can suitably ignore and move away from these strange individuals.

Thank you Ifstar!

meritaten

Most Christians I have met (including Priests and vicars) are very tolerant people. but, among the 'congregation' you are going to get a very diverse set of views. They are human after all!
Stick with this church if overall they meet your needs - but avoid these 'fundamentalists' like the plague! you may even find they are just about 'tolerated' by most of the church members.

unholyangel

Sorry, haven't read any replies but wanted to share some views.

It is Gods place to judge. Not theirs. For them to judge means blasphemy as they are saying they are Gods equal, that they have a right to judge.

Or if you prefer:
"As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.

One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables.

Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.

Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand."

If they think they're without sin, they're kidding themselves.

Christianity is based on love, acceptance and forgiveness. Hate has no place in Christianity.

As for the whole homosexuality being wrong....again its largely down to them misquoting the bible.


I used to be at odds with my religion because of hateful people like that. I then realised that how I live my life and practice my religion is between me and God and no one else. I'm now at peace with my religion again and I'm sure you'll get there too

seven-day-weekend

You will get these people in any church. There are always people who think they know better and are not averse to bullying someone into submission. That's human nature I'm afraid.

Glad you have found a way through it. Enjoy your walk with Jesus xx

Lunar_Eclipse

paulineb wrote: »

Having sex doesn't mean someone is promiscuous. I'm not promiscuous. I'm just not married. There's a massive difference between having sex out of marriage and being promiscuous.

I agree. And that was the point I thought I made (by saying 'taking the opposite behaviour to the EXTREME')

It's worth remembering it's not about what any of us think about particular relationships or sexual activity though. I'm not posting my personal opinions, but "facts" according to those who believe in the particular faith in question. For Christians, it's about following what is clearly written in the Bible and walking a life of faith in relationship with God through Jesus. The only judger of behaviour is then God and God alone.

And Christianity is absolutely nothing to do with being "nice" or 'good' or 'bad' as is so often misunderstood (although those positive attributes are desirable in representing Christianity and being a magnet for others in attracting them to faith too.)

Some of my closest friends, the nicest people I know, are not Christians. They are role models of kindness, respect and community values. However, they don't believe in God or Jesus, so Biblically they will 'go to hell' when they die (if what is written in the Bible is true.)

Billie-S

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You will get these people in any church. There are always people who think they know better and are not averse to bullying someone into submission. That's human nature I'm afraid.

Glad you have found a way through it. Enjoy your walk with Jesus xx

Thank you SDW. You're so sweet.

As for your first point. I have experienced quite a few people like this; people who bully someone into submission (or try to.) Why do they do this? If someone says something that I disagree with, I just say 'let's agree to differ' as I believe that people are entitled to their own views.

But on occasions, when I have said that, they say but WHY do you believe this and that and WHY do you think that? Ummm, I don't think I have to explain why I believe or think what I do.

A little while back, I said to someone when we were talking about something, 'I guess nobody knows for sure,' in a 'let's agree to disagree' kind of way, and she said ' But I DO know for sure, and what you're saying is rubbish.' I actually just shook my head and walked away from her. I can tell you that I wasn't thinking very Christian thoughts right at that moment. :rotfl:

Seriously though, it's OK to believe and it's OK to not believe, but nobody should be bullied and intimidated into explaining their beliefs and why they believe them, (or explaining why they don't believe.)

Thanks again

seven-day-weekend

Billie-S wrote: »

Thank you SDW. You're so sweet.

As for your first point. I have experienced quite a few people like this; people who bully someone into submission (or try to.) Why do they do this? If someone says something that I disagree with, I just say 'let's agree to differ' as I believe that people are entitled to their own views.

But on occasions, when I have said that, they say but WHY do you believe this and that and WHY do you think that? Ummm, I don't think I have to explain why I believe or think what I do.

A little while back, I said to someone when we were talking about something,
'I guess nobody knows for sure,' in a 'let's agree to disagree' kind of way, and she said ' But I DO know for sure, and what you're saying is rubbish.' I actually just shook my head and walked away from her. I can tell you that I wasn't thinking very Christian thoughts right at that moment. :rotfl:

Seriously though, it's OK to believe and it's OK to not believe, but nobody should be bullied and intimidated into explaining their beliefs and why they believe them, (or explaining why they don't believe.)

Thanks again

You see, I think the trouble with that remark is that she could have said something like, ' I believe I know, for this reason' (and given the reason). She did not need to be so dogmatic, nor call your beliefs rubbish. And I do think, as you say, that at some point you should agree to disagree, rather than argue about it.There is always the possibility that one (or both) of you is wrong. We are only human with limited human understanding.

I truly believe that if you are honestly seeking God, then he will show you what you need to know, and you can stand firm in that knowledge. Someone else at a different point on the journey will be shown what THEY need to know. It's a journey for all of us, and we should help our fellow-travellers along, not just push past them because you believe them to be be on a different path.

Sermon over