Please help. Really struggling.

Billie-S

Sorry to bother people, but I wondered if someone may be able to help. Really really really long post. Please be patient. There is quite a lot to tell.

Please don't mock me LOL. I know some people don't believe in religion.

Basically, I was raised as a Christian, and went to a Christian school, and my parents sent me to Sunday school every week, which was fine. I went to church a few times in my 20s, and then again in my 30s (I am now nearly 50,) and I used to take my 2 kids (both now grown.)

But I have never been 'obsessed' or even bothered telling people I am a believer in Christ, as I don't want people to think I am a God-botherer LOL. Most people around me are not believers, and although I used to take my kids to the local church and Sunday school back in the 90s when they were little, by the time they were 7 or 8, they started to say they didn't want to go.

My one child is a fan of witchy and wizardy type things on telly, and in films, and one girl (at the Church,) told her she was 'evil' for liking it. Then one time I mentioned that I had bought my friend a Libra necklace for her birthday, and the people at the Sunday School looked shocked that I had bought something that class as part of the 'occult.'

I am not into witchcraft, but do find the paranormal interesting and things like the tarot and suchlike, but apparently, none of this is 'allowed' either.

Long story short, after about 2 years of going to this Church, every 3 or 4 weeks, a few of the women there were so judgemental, and told me once that I best not come into the Sunday school, (which I helped with sometimes,) but I better go into the service to explain to God why I hadn't been to church for 4 weeks! And the daughter of one of them looked down their nose at my kids this one time,for not coming for a few weeks too, so I eventually took the decision to not go any more, and decided to worship on my own.

My husband (married 25 years) is an atheist, but he has no problem with me being a believer and I have no problem with him not believing. When I was at this church, I heard numerous times that I 'may be with the wrong person' as he was not a believer, and that it was impossible for a Christian and an atheist to co-exist.

So fast forward a few years. I moved into a new place, (about 6 months ago,) in a small town with a small-ish community. I started going to the Church 2 months ago, and have been twice since. Again, the vicar said (to the congregation,) 'are you with the right person? Do they see Jesus as you do? And so on... questioning whether people who don't believe should be with people who do.

THEN, a couple of weeks ago, I went to Church, and two women I hadn't seen/noticed before came to me and said 'hello are you new nice to meet you' and so on, and invited me to their 'womens group' that meet every second Wednesday.

So I politely said yes I will come, (even though I actually don't like big social situations and big groups as I find them overwhelming and I get talked over and aren't massively assertive.) So, I went last night, and there were around 17 of them, and it turns out it was a 'Christian fellowship' type of thing. OK I thought - I will give it a go.

So they read stuff out of the bible and so on, and I listened. Then halfway in or so, I said we were lucky to be in the UK (after what had happened in the Philippines) and one woman said curtly 'we are BLESSED: I don't believe in luck.' It was a figure of speech to be honest. So I just smiled and nodded.

Then ANOTHER woman went on about how R.E. is only taught in junior schools, and it's not taught well. She said 'I mean, in my neighbour's daughter's school, they teach them that homosexuality is OK and normal and ALL sorts of nasty stuff!' Some of the woman went 'oh no!' Some others said nothing.

I just cringed. I HATE this side of Christianity; the bigoted and judgemental side. Some of the women were nice and chatty and asked me all about myself and my family, but when the religious stuff kicked off, I got really uncomfortable, as some of the talk became rather judgemental.

I want to pray and worship, and I do believe in the Lord and Christ, but I am REALLY STRUGGLING with all of this. I really want to go to Church, but keep getting driven away by bigots and the judgemental comments from some.

SOME people at the church are fine, and just say hello, and talk about general stuff when I go to church, but then others have these awful views. Is it not possible for me to be a Christian and not have these bigoted anti-gay views? And to have non-believing family and friends?

I grew up in a quite multicultural and diverse area and know a few gay people, and frankly, they are lovely. I really don't think I can get on board with people who judge like this. And yet they call themselves Christian?! What is Christian about despising a whole group in society, who have done nothing to deserve it?

If I keep seeing these women, I am sure it won't be long before they will start questioning how I can be with a non-believing husband. The lead woman in the group said (as I was leaving,) I shall pop in and see you one day if you like: have a coffee together maybe? I would rather not to be honest.

She was pleasant to me, but I am so mixed up in my head now.

What do I do?

As I said, 'some' of these women are OK and I am sure not ALL of them think this way, I mean I am a Christian and I don't think like this. And also, as I mentioned before, most people at the church are fine and don't quiz and question, and haven't said anything bad (IMO) yet. Although here is still time LOL.

I don't feel like I want to go back to that group again, but what excuse can I make?

And I don't know even if I feel like going back to Church again. But why should I be driven away?

My mind is so confused. I want to worship and want to be a good Christian, but some people in the faith make it so difficult for me. Especially with the gay-hating and looking down on non-believers, and not believing a relationship with one can possibly work.

What can I do???

HELP!

balletshoes

I'd suggest trying another church - and possibly another style of church too. Were both the churches you've already tried from the same type?

meritaten

I am not a 'Christian' but can sympathise with this post. I think this is the wrong church for you.
if you really feel that you want to 'worship' amongst others - then you MUST find a church which you are comfortable in. In the meantime I am sure your God wouldn't mind you just finding a peaceful place to pray or meditate or otherwise 'connect'.
have you tried another 'branch' of your church? or even a different one? sounds like yours is very 'judgemental' which isn't 'YOU'.
I know there are very Christian people on here - and am sure one or two will be along soon with some good advice for you!

PasturesNew

You're going to the wrong sort of church. You need a "normal church" .... not a bible bashing sect type.

There are lots of normal churches, without all that nonsense. Where you can just go, sing a few hymns, be nice to people, have a cup of tea and leave.

System

Have you thought about joining a different sect of Christianity? There are some who don't have these ultra-right wing views, for example the Religious Society of Friends emphasises religion in the here and now, rather than sticking to religious dogma.

I should say I am not a member of the Quakers and am not attempting to proselytise! I just think there might be other options available to you, depending on what it is you want or get from going to a church and worshipping.

theoretica

Is this church your only option where you are? If you are only going every few weeks would you be happy to travel a bit? I wonder, for instance, if you might be able to find a Quaker meeting to look in on. The ones I am familiar with would be very welcoming, but not in a 'we are so glad you have decided to be saved' way and not expect you to become a Quaker if you just wish to be an attender.

Edited to add 'snap!' to avogadro

Errata

What can I do???

Talk to the vicar/minister/pastor/priest ? Find another church? Give the womens group a swerve or speak up?
Your faith, your choice.

PasturesNew

There's a website for where churches are: https://www.achurchnearyou.com

paddy's_mum

Have you considered looking at the Humanist movement? You may well find that it fits in with your beliefs.

Remember too that a church is just a building and what goes on within it may be far from christian or kind.

Good luck.

thorsoak

It does sound as if you are attending an evangelical-type church - and I for one am not comfortable with their form of worship.

If you aren't comfortable worshipping in one of the more traditional churches - here I mean Anglican, Catholic or Free church then I go along with Avogadro and Theoretica and would suggest attending a Society of Friends (Quakers) meetings - they are very gentle!

Personally, I'm a traditional Anglican and find comfort in the traditional orders of service as a rule.

Torry_Quine

I would as a Christian say that you should stay away from anything to do with the occult, hooscopes etc which is clearly stated in the bible.

I'm certainly not going to say you're married to the wrong man but as Christians we are told not to be yoked to non-believers which is generally taken to mean non-Christians.

However these women do seem very judgemental and it's not for us to interfere in another person's marriage.

I would hope that they don't hate homosexuals but hate what they do which is very different.

We very much should have friends who aren't Christian and should still be in touch with family if they don't believe.

This doesn't sound like the church for you and it sounds like an Evangelical church, maybe you need somewhere a little more liberal? Evanglical churches do expect people to attend weekly unless there's a very good reason and joining with others for prayer/bible study on a regular basis.

God bless and hope you find the right place for you.