Paid to Breastfeed: would it have encouraged you to do it?

nodiscount

I couldn't breastfeed for medical/personal reasons

poet123 wrote: »

When I answered your direct question I wasn't aware you had written this. Why should I feel guilt? What gives you the right to judge my choice of feeding method?

Using that reasoning, What gives anyone the right to judge anything?

We all have our own judgements on various things.

I'm no earth mother but I do believe not even giving a baby the first feed of colostrum (if able) is very sad for baby. It's just smacks slightly of selfishness and/or the messed up culture we have that advocates that boobs are only to make people feel sexy, are to satisfy sexual needs only.
Going to a newsagent and seeing baps out on men's mags is perfectly acceptable but breastfeeding a child in public isn't. That is one example of this culture.
I'm sorry but that's how I feel.
Babies need love and attention and of course those who bottle feed/fed (like me ) love their babies too but that initial skin to skin contact that you get from those first feeds, I believe, is very beneficial.

aeb_2

I do/have breastfed - I would have carried on whether the money was offered or not

I feel very privileged/lucky to have b/fed all six (including triplets) for 12 months to 4 months. I have friends who were desperate to try but couldn't get on. At least they know they tried so have nothing to feel guilty about.

dizziblonde

pukkamum wrote: »

Contempt seriously?
Why would you even care how others feed their babies is it so you can feel superior in your ivory tower.
What if you had a daughter who didn't want to try would you show your contempt for her?
I save my contempt for mothers who neglect, abuse and otherwise screw their children up not for the ones who choose a different path when feeding.
Seriously there must be something majorly lacking in your life for you to be so vitriolic about this.

Nah usually it's just some deep rooted insecurity and need to feel superior to others - since breastfeeding is so heavily pushed these days, it's an officially sanctioned OK to bully, judge and harass (and yep, I've seen some horrific harassment of formula feeding mothers - complained about behaviour in the local children's centre that led to one woman scarpering away never to be seen again over this the other week in fact) other women in order to make themselves feel better with the nice get-out clause that they can bleat "it's for the good of the childrennnnn" if anyone pulls them up on it.

People who bash other people's parenting for reasons simply that it doesn't mirror their own (not talking about instances where the kids' behaviour has a negative impact upon the rest of society as a result but simply those cases where someone might use a pushchair... or a sling... or the eternal weaning bunfight... that sort of stuff) do it because of one simple thing - they need to feed their own ego and have chosen to do so by running down other people. If the only way you can define yourself in your life is by your kids and the fact you're a parent - what other way do you have to prove your superiority?! And if all else fails - the internet really really really needs another 9000 mummy blogs out there - more so than yet another video of a cat in a box.

nodiscount

I couldn't breastfeed for medical/personal reasons

dizziblonde wrote: »

Nah usually it's just some deep rooted insecurity and need to feel superior to others - since breastfeeding is so heavily pushed these days, it's an officially sanctioned OK to bully, judge and harass (and yep, I've seen some horrific harassment of formula feeding mothers - complained about behaviour in the local children's centre that led to one woman scarpering away never to be seen again over this the other week in fact) other women in order to make themselves feel better with the nice get-out clause that they can bleat "it's for the good of the childrennnnn" if anyone pulls them up on it.

People who bash other people's parenting for reasons simply that it doesn't mirror their own (not talking about instances where the kids' behaviour has a negative impact upon the rest of society as a result but simply those cases where someone might use a pushchair... or a sling... or the eternal weaning bunfight... that sort of stuff) do it because of one simple thing - they need to feed their own ego and have chosen to do so by running down other people. If the only way you can define yourself in your life is by your kids and the fact you're a parent - what other way do you have to prove your superiority?! And if all else fails - the internet really really really needs another 9000 mummy blogs out there - more so than yet another video of a cat in a box.

There are bits of your rant that I didn't get but I think what you are saying is that people who have a judgement, about how other people do things, have some deep rooted insecurities and the need to feel high and mighty.

Where do you draw the line with this statement? Am I 'allowed' to judge the mum who swears at her child in the supermarket? Or does that mean I am insecure?
Am I 'allowed' to judge the mum who takes her child out topless (yes this really did happen)
Am I 'allowed' to judge the mum who is chatting to her mates in the freezing cold while her toddler is in a pushchair with no coat or socks on?
The poster you have an issue with even admitted she couldn't bf for long. I couldn't do it for long either. That still doesn't stop me from feeling sad that breastfeeding is being completely abandoned by some.

Breastfeeding is seen by some people/communities as old-fashioned, perverse, dirty or undesirable. This perception needs to change.

Make-it-3

To answer the initial question is £200 of vouchers going to make a difference, IMO not a blind bit. Just 1% of UK mothers exclusively breast feed their baby to 6 months.

Firstly, there's the hard core who never intended to BF and much of that is cultural reasons - breasts have been sexualised for so long in UK media that people are so far removed from what they are actually for they think it is wrong, icky or primitive. £200 of vouchers isn't going to change that perception.

Then, there are the women who will "give it a go" or are committed to BF. But its hard, really hard. You go through labour, you are exhausted, you are either pressured to BF or ignored and no help is available. Breasts get sore, if the latch isn't right then more likely ripped to shreds. Your hormones are all over the place and the baby wants to feed constantly.

It takes iron will to get over all of this - £200 just won't cut it. Support is woefully inadequate both professionally and culturally (ie friends and family will urge you to try a bottle).

If you can get over all this and manage to BF - it will have its own rewards. Its free, on tap, at the right temperature and the sheer joy of bonding and providing for your baby in such a way is priceless.

I didn't have it easy, but my own perseverance got me to that stage - give me the £200 now and I would put it towards improving BF support services - believe me they need it.

Gillyx

Make-it-3 wrote: »

To answer the initial question is £200 of vouchers going to make a difference, IMO not a blind bit. Just 1% of UK mothers exclusively breast feed their baby to 6 months.

Firstly, there's the hard core who never intended to BF and much of that is cultural reasons - breasts have been sexualised for so long in UK media that people are so far removed from what they are actually for they think it is wrong, icky or primitive. £200 of vouchers isn't going to change that perception.

Then, there are the women who will "give it a go" or are committed to BF. But its hard, really hard. You go through labour, you are exhausted, you are either pressured to BF or ignored and no help is available. Breasts get sore, if the latch isn't right then more likely ripped to shreds. Your hormones are all over the place and the baby wants to feed constantly.

It takes iron will to get over all of this - £200 just won't cut it. Support is woefully inadequate both professionally and culturally (ie friends and family will urge you to try a bottle).

If you can get over all this and manage to BF - it will have its own rewards. Its free, on tap, at the right temperature and the sheer joy of bonding and providing for your baby in such a way is priceless.

I didn't have it easy, but my own perseverance got me to that stage - give me the £200 now and I would put it towards improving BF support services - believe me they need it.

Brilliant post.

I was a formula feeder by around 4 weeks PP. I pumped exclusively for the first 4 weeks as my little boy, wouldn't latch. I was told repeatedly by health professionals he was a 'lazy latcher'

By 4 weeks the constant merry go round of pumping, sterilising, trying on the breast, feeding etc wore me down.

I then found out my boy had an upper lip tie and a posterior tongue tie, which contributed to his inability to latch, maybe I was naive but I believed what I was told the twice by qualified health professionals that there was no evidence of tongue tie. In my research I have since found out that MW/GP's/HV don't have detailed training in the detection of Tongue ties.

I feel heart broken that we couldn't breastfeed, as it was something I wanted to do so very much, I no longer feel guilty about it as we made the best of a bad situation and my boy still got 4 weeks of breast milk. Most of all I feel let down, for a body who push the breast is best motto, they're not exactly interested when it isn't going well.

We now pay medical insurance and when I chose to have my next baby, I will be contacting a lactation consultant if we have any issues as I could not put my trust in the NHS when my experience tells me they will recommend formula over help.

I can't fault the treatment I got when in hospital giving birth, and I truly believe it's down to lack of funding and training and not the fault of the midwives themselves. Although the NHS could do a lot about myth busting, like not having enough milk, this happens to a small percentage of women, things like constant feeding is Norma, but a constant very slow feeder is again another sign of a tongue tie or incorrect latch.

Edit: to answer the question, no £200 of 'shopping vouchers' is ridiculous. Would have made no difference to me either way.

poet123

I don't/haven't breastfed - no I wouldn't have done it

nodiscount wrote: »

Using that reasoning, What gives anyone the right to judge anything?

We all have our own judgements on various things.

I'm no earth mother but I do believe not even giving a baby the first feed of colostrum (if able) is very sad for baby. It's just smacks slightly of selfishness and/or the messed up culture we have that advocates that boobs are only to make people feel sexy, are to satisfy sexual needs only.
Going to a newsagent and seeing baps out on men's mags is perfectly acceptable but breastfeeding a child in public isn't. That is one example of this culture.
I'm sorry but that's how I feel.
Babies need love and attention and of course those who bottle feed/fed (like me ) love their babies too but that initial skin to skin contact that you get from those first feeds, I believe, is very beneficial.

Yes, we do indeed all have our own judgements, but it is distasteful to make such negative comments about those who choose differently to you when the outcome is the same for the child. If there were issues with babies not thriving on formula or it was advised against then that would be a different thing. Perhaps breast is best but formula is also a perfectly acceptable choice.

For you and other posters to say that you have contempt for mothers who bottle feed is more of an indictment of you than of them imo.

And for you to arbitrarily decide that you can append reasons for their choices is arrogant in the extreme and quite offensive. Personally, none of those reasons apply to me, and from what others have said they didn’t apply to them either.

I reserve my judgement for mothers who bring children into unhappy, unstable relationships with men they cannot trust, those who continue to have children they can’t afford, or those who in some other way mistreat them. My bet is that plenty of those who feel superior for breastfeeding fall into the above categories.

Bottle feeding is not in the same league as any of those issues and yet some posters feel they have the right to stand in judgment over those who choose to do it. Those other factors affect the lives of far more children and in a far more negative way than bottle feeding ever could. But then, I suspect that those who have such issues in their lives (of their own making) perhaps need to grasp onto something to fuel that sense of superiority. It wouldn’t stand scrutiny however!

The outcome for my family has been more than fine.

What dismays me the most is that if both feeding methods produce happy healthy babies and happy healthy mums, which they demonstrably do, why would anyone who is happy with their own choice feel the need to hold the choice of another mother in contempt?

Mothers have a hard enough job as it is without other mums condemning them for making a choice which suits them.

SmlSave

I do/have breastfed - I would have carried on whether the money was offered or not

Originally Posted by Air Cooled 75
Isn't breast milk dairy free?

Nope Lactose (from diary products) is one thing of the few things that goes through your system to your breastmilk. It also takes over 10 weeks of a diary free diet for your milk to become lactose free and then you have to keep the diary free diet up!

Bluemeanie_2

I don't/haven't breastfed - no I wouldn't have done it

Make-it-3 wrote: »

Then, there are the women who will "give it a go" or are committed to BF. But its hard, really hard. You go through labour, you are exhausted, you are either pressured to BF or ignored and no help is available. Breasts get sore, if the latch isn't right then more likely ripped to shreds. Your hormones are all over the place and the baby wants to feed constantly.

It takes iron will to get over all of this - £200 just won't cut it. Support is woefully inadequate both professionally and culturally (ie friends and family will urge you to try a bottle).

This part of this excellent post describes me. I usually have an iron will about anything I put my mind too. (I know that's easy to say on an internet forum but honestly it's true!) I think the reason trying to breastfeed "broke" me, was because I don't feel my baby would suffer any significant detriment from being formula fed. However, if it was a matter of life and death (not £200 worth of vouchers) I would have persevered. Or there was a very high chance that they would develop a disease from being FF. But there isn't. There is a lot of stuff that could be argued is "best for the child". A good education, healthy nutritious food, two parents in a stable relationship, parents that don't smoke (that's much worse than not breastfeeding in my opinion) but it doesn't always happen, so I really do think its a travesty to put such pressure on women. Yes it gives them the best, but it isn't the be all and end all. Smae as feeding them fresh veg and meat everyday (for arguments sake) would give them the best nutritious diet doesn't always happen. Some things are worth getting upset and yourself in a state over - some aren't. And my personal experience taught me that breastfeeding wasn't worth it when there is a perfectly feasible alternative.

nodiscount

I couldn't breastfeed for medical/personal reasons

poet123 wrote: »

For you and other posters to say that you have contempt for mothers who bottle feed is more of an indictment of you than of them imo.

I don't believe I said that did I?
I bottle fed too so I hardly think I would have contempt for myself.
I said it looks like selfishness. Not the same as having contempt.