Advice Re. American Citizenship ~ Complicated

duchy

Actually most US tablets and laptops WILL work over here -just needs an adaptor for the charger (TVs are a different matter which might be what the previous poster was thinking)

$20 ? Yeah riiiiight -he's either lying or it was stolen and sold on.
Maybe you could offer to be there "in case of technical troubles " the first time she Skypes him.

As for the card....yes it sounds like it was used in NYC -Maybe by him - maybe not . My card got copied somehow when I was in Las Vegas- three months later a loads of nice meals showed up on it (none at places I'd eaten that trip) The card was cancelled and all charges reversed in days. End of story (apart from NatWest having to pay me compensation because the first time I called to cancel it they forgot to do it).

I do think deep down she knows he's scamming her -but just can't admit it even to herself but frankly she's an adult and if she chooses to continue there's not much you can do.

Spain by the way has massive unemployment at present tho. I'm sure he'd use that as an excuse.

Voyager2002

duchy wrote: »

Spain by the way has massive unemployment at present tho. I'm sure he'd use that as an excuse.

Indeed: hordes of youngish people there see England as their only hope of finding work and so are desperate to learn English. The point is to give her the idea that her son could solve his problems without needing yet more of her money.

claire16c

Amazon US has a kindle fire tablet plug for $20. Perhaps he just sent her that & forgot to buy the actual tablet..

gravitytolls

coolcait wrote: »

As Icequeen99 has pointed out, the story is starting to unravel.

The question now is "Who is the storyteller?"

Is it you, gravity? Or is it your friend?
Too complicated for me! For her too, which is why I seem muddled. I do indeed believe her though.

If you are faithfully reporting the things you are being told by your friend, didn't the bits in bold make you hesitate for a minute?

If your friend is spinning this tale to you, she must be getting something out of it. Something more than a free cake from a charity bakesale.

She's clearly getting attention, and the opportunity to feed off your emotional reactions. Is she also getting material support from you?

You are sharing with us a tale which is clearly fabricated, and which grows more fabrications by the day.

If you don't feel able to say "I know that you are sharing things that you have been told by another - but I'm afraid that it is all nonsense, and has a few contradictions", then find a way to protect yourself from being drawn into the attention-seeking drama.

(If you think your friend may be suffering from dementia or similar, consider who you might share those concerns with).

Other than that, following my own advice, I'm out.

I can't abandon her, she's no one to rely on ~ in fact I've offered to accompany her to the coroner's court in the New Year if I can cover childcare, for the findings of the investigation into the death of her DIL which prompted all this malarky.

gravitytolls

harrys_nan wrote: »

There is definitely something fishy going on here and I think that either you or your friend is being taken for a fool, not sure who though.
Do you help your friend out with money at all?
I'm about the same age as your friend and I wouldn't fall for these tall stories.
If she is telling you the whole truth then you need to get her some help in order for her to sort this out, ie age uk.

No, not at all, she'd be far too proud to accept anyway.

I invited her for Christmas dinner and she refused, saying she was going to spend the day in bed as she never gets the chance for a lay in.

gravitytolls

deannatrois wrote: »

With the story that it cost $20.., I personally would assume he's lying that he paid for it at all and its stolen.

This is kindof an atypical abusive relationship.., but I'm afraid it takes two to form this sort of relationship (speaking from experience here). Someone has to agree to be a victim.., and she's not going to get out of it til she's ready to.., if ever.

I don't mean this in a judgmental way.., but as we are all aware, there are enough red flags flying here to make an airship. She's choosing to ignore them. You can't undo that unless she wants you to.

I'd suggest counselling.., I'm sure she's had plenty of people say the same things you are.., its very complex and she needs someone with some skill at unravelling these situations and getting her to peer above the wall she's got.

Mmm, I've seen the tablet, she's using it for Skype. I suspect it was once his new wife's, as she said it 'dings' and the name of the NW father pops up ~ probably facebook or something.

Yes she has one or two other who know the situation, yes they 'hmmm' and use phrases like 'her blooming son', and it has been suggested that this is not a new thing and he has been living off her for his entire life.

As you say, there's none so blind..... Nonetheless, she still needs a friend and I'm not gonna turn he away.

gravitytolls

Voyager2002 wrote: »

I agree that this sounds like an abusive relationship...

To respond to the original question, it might be helpful if you could tell her the following (which is completely true):

There is a way in which her son could resolve his immediate problems and be together with his family in a place where he can earn a living. Under EU law he has an absolute right to live and work in any EU country (apart from the UK), together with his family: and that includes his non-EU wife. Both Spain and Italy have many opportunities for native English speakers to teach English. In particular, living costs in Spain are very low: in smaller cities like Lleida it is easy to find a family-sized apartment for less than Euro 500 per month, and there are plenty of students willing to pay for English conversation or classes. So there is really no need for him remain broke and in fear in the USA.

In fact I have suggested this, although my suggestion was Ireland, which is when he got the friend to call and spin her the 'I'm in intelligence.... all countries are joining together' rubbish.

gravitytolls

Thank you kind folk for your advice and words of wisdom.

kacie

As someone who was planning on moving to America and had started the visa process it's really not that simple especially with children, even with his new wife he wouldn't just be able to live there legally, it can take years to be able to get a green card, with interviews and medical checks. Even with military help it will still take a lot of time, although I don't know how a friend would have been able to help him.

I would guess that he's overstayed the 3 months, found a girl he could marry and is taking mum for a ride til he is able to change his status, that's if he is there at all!

Georgiegirl256

I'm still not understanding the part where she sends him money yet doesn't know his address? How is she sending it? By cheque?