Please help

loxxee

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here but I know I can't do this on my own and need support. So here's my story, I've been married a year but we've been together 9years. When we met I was in £25k debt which he knew about and supported me whilst I tried to get myself sorted, he has continued to pay extra, let me live bill and rent free whilst sacrificing things to save for a deposit so we could buy our dream house which we did in august this year. So, as of a year ago I had £11k left and all was on track but then I developed a secret gambling addiction and have managed to rack up debts to £40k in the last year, the turning point was Friday when I spent £11k on a credit card on a online gambling site.

I knew I couldn't do it anymore so plucked up the courage and told my husband and family, as I am sure you can imagine he is absolutely furious! So much so I'm not sure we can get through this. I have put a plan in place and can be debt free in 4 years but this means my husband has to put his life on hold, again, while I sort this. After everything he's done for me he just sees this as me throwing it back in his face. I can't blame him.

So I am here, being open and honest asking for help and any advice on how to manage this and get it sorted in less than 4 years, I have raided my wardrobes and am selling as much as I can to make extra money.

Thank you on advance.

sydneybean

hi loxxee
i'm just starting on my debt free journey myself and dont have a huge amount of advice to give you but didnt want to just read and run. I am sure someone with more knowledge than me will be along soon with some ideas for you. but a huge well done for posting, the first step is usually the hardest. i will pop back later to see how you are getting on x x

imoneyop

loxxee wrote: »

I developed a secret gambling addiction and have managed to rack up debts to £40k in the last year, the turning point was Friday when I spent £11k on a credit card on a online gambling site.

You need to sort out the gambling addiction before you start thinking about clearing the debts.

Join GA and look into self-exlusion of the gambling sites.

There have been numerous posters on here who have been in the same situation, so hopefully one of them will see your post and be able to offer advice based on their experiences.

[Deleted User]

First thing I think you need to do, is CUT UP ALL THE CREDIT CARD, and don't apply for any replacements.

So long as you have the cards, there's a high chance you will gamble again.

loxxee

Honestly the thought of even buying a scratch card makes me feel physically sick. The credit card I spent the £11k on was 27.7% apr so I have managed to balance transfer it onto two 0% credit cards for 27months so as soon as that's all gone through the cards will be cut and burnt.

I have a laptop which is going to have a gambling restriction put on it.

I will NEVER EVER EVER gamble again. I am now focusing all my attention onto paying back the money.

Tixy

Hi loxxee and welcome to the forum

It is good that you have a plan in place to pay off your debts, and that you feel determined not to gamble again.

Have you joined GA? perhaps it might be worth doing even if you feel resolute at the moment. Not only might it help you longer term, but hopefully it will also show your husband that you are serious about stopping and getting help.

You say you have a plan to be debt free in 4 years - is this dependant on husband continuing to support you and pay all of the mortgage and bills? and you only using your money for debt repayments? Have you discussed the numbers and plan with him and is he supportive of doing so?

If he isn't then perhaps you could talk through with him and offer to pay some money towards the household bills each month even if it means it could take a bit longer to pay off your debts?

I would guess you are perhaps on a fairly high income if you have been able to get so much credit, and have still been able to get new 0% deals on cards but could you consider getting a second job or working overtime and using extra money towards household bills so your husband sees that you want things to change and want to start contributing to your living costs?

loxxee

Hi, the 4 year plan is with me still contributing to the bills, I pay less than him anyway so don't want to ask him to let me off paying those, well I take home £2033, I pay £500 a month bills, £488 on the £25k loan repayments and then have £15000 on the credit cards, I also receive an annual bonus of £3000 every Feb, so in theory by feb 2015 I could have cleared £10k.

I haven't koine a GA but am planning to go to the doctors to see about being referred or something.

I have considers a second job but I already do long hours and I'm studying for a masters so I just don't know if I have any spare hours, that's why I've been selling as much as I can.

Tixy

How much of the remaining £1045/m are you planning to put towards credit cards (I assume you have some personal expenses as well that you need to pay so not all of it)?

Is all your card debt on 0%? or is the other £4k charging interest?

Does your loan allow overpayments?

You might want to take a look at the snowball calculator to see how long it will take to clear the debts at different monthly repayments and check you are paying them off in the most efficient manner interest-wise

I would have thought that you could clear more than £10k in 14 months. If £6k of that is from bonuses then it would work out as only paying £285 off your debts each month.

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/snowball-calculator.php

AMILLIONDOLLARS

You have taken the first steps to recovery well done you. Once your husband has calmed down and he sees you making a concerted effort to clear this debt on your own, he may be more supportive.

Take it one step at a time and get him to hold onto your cards for you, hopefully this will start to build the trust.

AMD

loxxee

Sorry I forgot to include my £350 a month train season ticket, plus £300 a month of the credit cards, leaves me with £300 to live on each month.

Tixy

Sounds like it might be worth preparing and posting up a statement of affairs to see if people can help you find ways to reduce your expenses/get things cheaper etc so you can pay more towards your cards each month to get them cleared sooner.

What does the £395 to live on have to cover?