Please help

cookyy2k

I'm the same as you with the shopping, still am to an extent but I've just had to become strict on myself. I was always "oh I can buy it now on the CC and pay at the end of the month" only at the end of the month when I had the money I suddenly found things I wanted a lot more than paying off the card.

The hardest part is admitting when something has become a problem instead of denying it to yourself and everyone else so well done for that. I'm not going to lie and say it will be easy but I'm 9 months into dealing with my debt and that self recrimination you're feeling now fades as you realize you can deal with this and it's not the end of the world. There is the danger though that when you reach this stage you may be tempted to go back to old ways.

Your husband seems like he's just shocked and lost trust in you due to this (understandable) but he has stayed and without knowing him or you I would expect once he sees you are making a real effort to deal with it and that it's not the end of the world he'll calm down. I wasn't as lucky as you, my fiancee left when I finally bit the bullet and came clean about the extent of my financial problems.

loxxee

Ah I'm sorry to hear that. I know how lucky I am and I will do everything to prove to my husband that he has made to right choice.

I will seek help about the compulsive spending as well as there is obviously a deeper rooted issue causing this.

Slowdown

Hi there,
I have not got an addiction of any type, but I do know people who have, and several who have been saddled with enormous debts because of online gambling and shopping.

They are not addicted to either of these habits, they are addicted to the feelings these habits give them. But why?

It generally comes down to the lack contentment with something else around them. It can be anything from an unhappy marriage (yours sounds fairly solid), boredom at work, a deep longing for a life essential that they know they will never have (no children from infertility, connection with someone who has passed away), the list goes on. It boils down to contentment with what they have. (Btw I am by no means trivialising these exceptionally difficult life circumstances, most of us are not driven to addiction by such extremes)

Once our basic needs in life have been met, ie warmth, shelter, food etc we should be content. Happiness does not rise in line with more money and more things, but it would seem unhappiness does.

Taking time out to be happy and appreciative of what you have will help to build a wall between you and the need to shop or gamble. Perhaps slowing your life down and taking moments to watch and listen and smile at what you experience around you will encourage you to experience great feelings that are attached to nothing less than the experience of life itself.
In the words of the poet William Henry Davies

"What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare."

Perhaps its time for you to stop chasing the money and the 'stuff' and stand and stare instead.
I wish you every success with you quest for peace and a debt free life. Good luck
Kind regards
Slowdown:)

runforlife

Hi, This is such an inspirational thread and good luck to Loxxee in her challenge to become gambling and debt free and to rescue her relationship.

I guess there will be pitfalls and disappointments along the way. Do be prepared for those slip ups and try not to be too disappointed.

My advice on a personal relationship level is something my wife and I practice. (No, not that ) Make sure you make time for each other at least once a week. Have a date night or date day…doesn't have to be for too long if time is a problem, but these days and nights will help to build your relationship.

Nor need it cost a great deal or indeed anything. Here are some suggestions:

Walk in the park or if you are lucky enough to live near woodland or beauty spots even better.
Swimming
A massage
A romantic meal at home (even if it is just regular sausage and mash)
A visit to the library
Watching a local rugby match
Walking the dogs
A coffee
Learn something new together
Start training for a run / race together

The list is endless of course but I hope my post helps you loxxee

ps Don't forget to say "I love you" everyday!

loxxee

Thank you!! If my journey helps or inspires just one person that makes me happy,

This is going to be long hard journey but I will take this challenge and fix this mess with every ounce of strength I have!!