Bullying taken a frightening twist

jellyhead

Is your daughter's friend saying she didn't see a knife, or that she didn't see the incident at all?

The policy at my son's high school is a 2 day suspension if a weapon is used. When my son was accused of stabbing a boy with a compass (he didn't, and they are good friends now) there was a meeting and it was decided that my son could go into isolation for 2 days instead of being suspended. So, that's a possibility.

He should be in isolation, not her, but I can understand the offer of isolation if she is worried about his friends.

My son had lots of pastoral care meetings and was referred to CAMHS, who had some follow-up appointments with him. He didn't really use a compass, but he had lashed out with a pencil while he was being squashed by some much bigger pupils. He still had to be punished for using a pencil that was in his hand at the time, in self defence while he was being hurt, and what this lad did to your daughter was much worse :eek:

I hope you get this sorted out soon and that your daughter stops being bullied xx

dori2o wrote: »

UPDATE-

Very quick update whilst on my break at work.

Daughter is off school for the minute. They will not suspend/exclude the boy until they have investigated as the boy has a right to be educated.

Unfortunately the kid hasn't turned up today so they cannot search/question him. Guilty Concience?

The school has tried to contact the parents but as yet have had no luck.

I have told the school that the ongoing bullying needs to be sorted and that as yet I am undecided if the school is the right environment for my Daughter to be in.

The school will send some work for her to do for the next couple of days.

They have offerred to teach her in isolation from the rest of her class mates and also to allow her to be let out 15 minutes early and be escorted home by a teacher until the situations is resolved as a way of trying to keep her in school.

I have refused this offer atm but my daughter was very upset on the way home as she loves school and desperately wants to be there, even if it is in isolation.

Daughters friend is claiming she didn't see anything.



RE Police.

Went to to local station to make formal complaint but no suitable officer available apparently.

I have been given the email address to the Chief Constable and told to make the formal complaint in writing direct to him. I also managed to get the Crime/Log number.

My wife has contacted the local education department at the LA and they are calling back later to discuss how we would go about moving her to another school.

We'd love to homeschool but neither I nor my wife have the confidence, the resources, nor theexperience to teach her properly and we don't want to do it and then have it cause problems for her later in life if we do a bad job. So we'll leave teaching to the professionals.

Thats all for now. Break over. I will update later if there is anything to update.

Thanks for the support/advice so far.

kizkiz

Sparklyfairy wrote: »

Here's a PDF I found that helps explain the Harassment Warning a bit...(hope link works!)

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=6&cad=rja&sqi=2&ved=0CGEQFjAF&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.parliament.uk%2Fbriefing-papers%2FSN06411.pdf&ei=KQl9UtKIOIKThQeTjIHQDQ&usg=AFQjCNGtIW-nEBg1_F8ByL7rGOMnaWrAAA&sig2=2rOLhrCymzbexDJ0XkVMCw&bvm=bv.56146854,d.d2k

That's a really good link and explains it well

DigForVictory

First if all, how is your daughter? In school, doing school work at home, studying from Internet sites at home? Is she physically OK, eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising?
How are you as a family doing? Had any contact with support groups, other parents from the same school?

As a (now lapsed) School Governor, there will be Policies on this somewhere. Or the County will, & the school can hold an Extraordinary Meeting to formally adopt said policy & protect the children. Then Governors can ask the Management Team (Head etc) what the options are.

As a parent, the Governors need to hear from you as well as whatever the playground gossip is saying, and so please write to them. With copy screenshots et al. No matter what the police do, the school has a clear duty of care too.

Of course chivvy the police.
Of course keep your daughter at home for the meantime & get school to help sort an initially temporary placement at another school - they should be as keen as you on her ongoing education as well as safety.
Of course talk to your daughter's friend & family - she may have been hassled over Facebook too.
(Only get the press in when school & police have done *Nothing* for 48 hours? The lengths they go for a story will potentially spoil police work & certainly mess up your daughter's education.)

Teaching in isolation - that's an expensive gesture by school & they do care about her safety - if she wants to go back, that's a good starting offer.
That the lad is excluded is also a good clear gesture & there are Pupil Referral Units he can be educated at if school decide they cannot have him back.

If his mates even consider carrying on where he left off, your daughter needs consistency where possible - and she knows & is known at this school. Plus whatever is legally settled on is a useful warning.

I'd permit chaperoned Facebook - she'll be getting a lot if support there too, all being well. Your homemade system sounds much better though & much safer!

What help have you got from victim support, (who might also be able to reassure the friend that bring a witness is unlikely to be fatal)?

This weekend will be long & stressful, but if it is going to be the time when you decide to move your daughter from the school she knows to another one, then a lot of talking & listening & weighing up pros & cons needs to happen. This is tiring & stressful, so don't try to do it all in one session, unless she suggests it & has plans & hopes &, while shocked, has spent a couple of days thinking wisely.

Wishing you all - your daughter, you, your wife, any other children, your daughter's scared friend & even the dumb cluck with the knife, the very best with moving forwards from this.

Yorkie1

Sparklyfairy wrote: »

A bit of advice..I'd go back to the police (make an appointment) & demand the lad receives a Harassment Warning. Once he receives this, should he contact your daughter again (face to face, twitter, fb), he'll be arrested. I agree that he should have already been arrested - any knife & threat to harm is worthy of this - but you have other options. This Harassment Warning will stay on his record for life. Whether or not the order will have a shelf life is debatable, obviously if he's not contacted her in 6 months, then harasses her again, chances are a judge would not grant further action iykwim. But the Harassment Warning will remain on his record for life & he'll have to disclose it when applying for jobs, etc. The police don't need any proof of the harassment in order to issue one of these.

Tryingagainandagain wrote: »

It's a harassment warning, not an order, and is designed to nip any harassment in the bud before it gets so serious as to merit prosecution.

Some people simply don't understand that their actions amount to harassment (ex-boyfriends/girlfriends continuing to contact etc - they may think that because they are being "friendly" it is okay) Sometimes a warning stops the problem, which is often more comfortable for the victim than a court process.

I'm not sure what evidence the police need, but it is probably similar to the old caution where the perpetrator has to admit the offending. In that case it would be recorded on PNC, but does not have the status of a criminal offence.

As you say, anything else would be unfair and unlawful.

Sparklyfairy wrote: »

I know - that's the downside. Anyone can basically pull something out of the air & demand a Harassment Warning on someone & it'll be on the police records for life. BUT, in this instance I don't think the op has anything to lose by demanding one.

Some misinformation going on here. (Comments are generalised and not applying to the OP's facts).

Nobody has the right to demand that a harassment warning is issued by the police. It is up to the police.

It is not a punitive measure, nor is it any indication of guilt or criminal activity, and can only be issued if the police decide there is sufficient cause to justify it. So there is some evidence required.

It will be on the police information systems for life but does not need to be declared on a DBS check. It may only be revealed in the case of an enhanced DBS check on which the police decided it was relevant. So no automatic disclosure.

Any future contact will not automatically lead to further police action. It is not an order and therefore there is no concept of breach akin to an ASBO or something. A judge is not involved in its grant and therefore there is no 'going to a judge to order anything further' in the way that there would be for an ASBO.

Its sole purpose is to demonstrate to the person warned that certain particular behaviour causes the 'victim' (I only use commas as some people do not like to consider themselves a victim of conduct) harassment, alarm or distress. TAAA is right. Future repetition of similar behaviour MAY provide evidence towards a prosecution for harassment because that requires a course of conduct and - more importantly - proof that the offender knew or ought to have known that the conduct caused the 'victim' harassment etc. Innocuous behaviour does not automatically fall within that.

mountainofdebt

andygb wrote: »

Yes, and that is exactly the spineless attitude which let Jimmy Saville get away with all his crimes.

No it wasn't.

What let JS get away with it was the fact that those in authority didn't have the guts to put their above the parapet ....a far cry from saying that a school age girl should have the backbone to stand up to a pen/flick knife welding thug.

Yes the friend will learn that we get the society that we are prepared to put up with but to call her spineless from behind a computer screen is a bit spineless in itself.

Dunroamin

jellyhead wrote: »

Is your daughter's friend saying she didn't see a knife, or that she didn't see the incident at all?

The policy at my son's high school is a 2 day suspension if a weapon is used. When my son was accused of stabbing a boy with a compass (he didn't, and they are good friends now) there was a meeting and it was decided that my son could go into isolation for 2 days instead of being suspended. So, that's a possibility.

Is that all?:eek::eek:

coinxoperated

Haven't read all the posts but read your OP.

Seriously consider home education. You don't need to be a teacher or particularly educated yourself. It's alternative education and would mean your child won't have to go back to that horrific school.

I was home educated from day dot by a self-employed window man and a stay at home mum. Hasn't done me any harm and both my sister and I are studying for degrees alongside working and living independently. Don't completely write it off.... It's an option that works very well for a lot of people!

andygb

mountainofdebt wrote: »

No it wasn't.

What let JS get away with it was the fact that those in authority didn't have the guts to put their above the parapet ....a far cry from saying that a school age girl should have the backbone to stand up to a pen/flick knife welding thug.

I have put my head above the parapet a few times - and paid for it.
I have highlighted that little piece from you, because it was not just those in authority, it was everyone.
I don't blame the schoolgirl, I think it was her parents who were reluctant.

mountainofdebt

andygb wrote: »

I have put my head above the parapet a few times - and paid for it.
I have highlighted that little piece from you, because it was not just those in authority, it was everyone.
I don't blame the schoolgirl, I think it was her parents who were reluctant.

Not wishing to detrail this thread but seriously - everyone?

No....it was those who had the power - the police, those in tv land, those who worked in the health service - to actually do something about it but chose not to, for whatever reason

anyway my comment was originally made in response to j.e.j's post (#104) - which I thought was highly unfair

aridjis

I've not read all the thread, OP, but I hope your daughter is OK.

As adults I'm sure we wouldn't be too keen on the thought of going into work if someone there was carrying a knife, had used it to threaten us, and was also harassing and bullying us on FaceBook.

So why do they expect a child to go to school and be able to tolerate it.