EMA - small rant

Tigger36

Let's put this in perspective:
With over 7 years experience in this field I know what I'm talking about.
Believe it or not, the average age that a young person leaves home is now 23. That is why Care Leavers who are 'turfed out' at 16 get support until they are 21. It's happened because of the research that's been done on young people trying to live independently and believe me it's not pleasant reading. I'm not talking about a cheque and a few phone calls, I'm talking about regular personal, practical and emotional support. This young girl is 16. She has a boyfriend, she's starting College, she's going through those nasty teenage years that are hell anyway. Then she's expected to sustain a job and look after a house too.
So...what happens if she falls out with her boyfriend? What about the student parties in her house because everyone else lives at home? Who's going to talk her through problems? Who's going to make sure she is using contraception? Who is going to make sure she can live independently? Peer pressure is HUGE. It doesn't matter how responsible she is or how intelligent she is, she's starting College and possibly a new job and she will want to fit in. I've worked with thousands of teenagers and I've met literally 1 or 2 who could cope with that little lot. She needs support and you're leaving her with her boyfriend. How old is he? Is that support enough? Let's hope so. Personally I wouldn't be able to sleep at nights. I worry about our young people constantly and they're not even my own.

Commenting on the findings, the Minister said: "It is totally unacceptable that these young people, many of whom are aged only 16, who are some of the most vulnerable individuals in our society, do not enjoy a better level of support from public sector agencies. We need to invest in innovative approaches to improving their life chances.
"It is of particular concern that some leavers are aged 16 and have to survive alone in the community, generally on benefit and with limited support. This is an unacceptable challenge that sixteen year olds should not have to confront."

Oldernotwiser

Let's face it, OP's keen for her daughter to leave home so that she can start a new life with her young familyand new partner, without a sulky teenager in tow. Daughter's keen to leave home because of social life and boyfriend. Grandparents are no help because a. they're too ill (?) b. they stopped supporting their own daughter (OP) at the age of 16 so it must be ok to do this. There seems to be nobody in this family shouting "Whoa! this is a really bad idea!"

If even Social Services have come to realise that cared for children need support beyond the age of 16, surely a parent must be able to see that the same thing applies to their own children.

zoezoe_3

It appears that there is nothing you all like more than confirming that your own parenting choices are the only right one's and that those of other people are rubbish.

Personally I believe that there are plenty of ways to raise a child and that the parents are usually the best people to make decisions for their family.

I think it is very hard to find a parent who does not care about their child or put their child first. I think that is should be assumed that all the parents posting on this thread have and will continue to do what they think is best for their family, and that includes me.

Oldernotwiser

zoezoe wrote: »

I think it is very hard to find a parent who does not care about their child or put their child first.

Not hard at all, as your posts on here have shown so well.

milkydrink

zoezoe wrote: »

It appears that there is nothing you all like more than confirming that your own parenting choices are the only right one's and that those of other people are rubbish. .

Believing it is WRONG to move & leave your 16 year old behind with an responsible adult IS THE ONLY RIGHT WAY.

zoezoe wrote: »

Personally I believe that there are plenty of ways to raise a child and that the parents are usually the best people to make decisions for their family..

Usually but not always, which is why we have the social services:rolleyes: .

zoezoe wrote: »

I think it is very hard to find a parent who does not care about their child or put their child first. I think that is should be assumed that all the parents posting on this thread have and will continue to do what they think is best for their family, and that includes me.

You REALLY do think its best to send her off into the world ALONE at 16????:mad:

zoezoe_3

Again, i find myself drawn into replying ! I have removed my message.

zoezoe_3

Again, i find myself drawn into replying ! I have removed my message.

milkydrink

Let’s just deal with your very first question then, just the financial aspect of it all.
You are surprised there are no provisions for a 16 year old to leave home, work, attend college & claim EMA along with the wages they earn to support themselves?????

PERHAPS IT’S BECAUSE IT’S NOT THE WAY TO DO THINGS, PERHAPS IT’S BECAUSE IF YOU MOVE & LEAVE YOUR CHILD BEHIND IT’S THE SOCIAL SERVICES THAT HAVE TO INTERVEN TO HELP THE CHILD, NOT THE EMA.
You are not talking about a common family situation here & not everything can be legislated for. Sometimes we have abnormal circumstances & children under 18 not living with their parents is NOT THE "NORMAL" SUITUATION.

Please read my post where I was in a similar situation & how I dealt with it.

TheWaltons_3

The people replying to this post come from a wide variety of backgrounds, yet concur that this just isn't acceptable.

Usually, people who have had bad childhoods/left home early/been kicked out strive damn hard to ensure their own children have the most stable environment that they can offer... as consciously it is in the back of their minds that they MUST not do what their parents did to them. This is my mindset anyway, and the same for most people I know.

Nobody means to upset you, I am sure, but I think people just want you to realise that you are potentially inviting a lot of trouble into your daughters life. Do you want to be a Grandmother right now, as well as mum to young children?

Well done for coping yourself at 16, with no parental support and a young baby. It is admirable. But you can't just meet a new bloke and put the past - your first child - behind you, just because you 'managed' - and if you really think hard, I'll bet it was very difficult for you all those years ago. Yeah you've come through it now.. those memories are long ago.. you have support now.. but I wouldn't wish difficult times on anyone.. let alone my eldest daughter.

zoezoe_3

TheWaltons wrote: »

The people replying to this post come from a wide variety of backgrounds, yet concur that this just isn't acceptable.

Well done for coping yourself at 16, with no parental support and a young baby. It is admirable. But you can't just meet a new bloke and put the past - your first child - behind you, just because you 'managed' - and if you really think hard, I'll bet it was very difficult for you all those years ago. Yeah you've come through it now.. those memories are long ago.. you have support now.. but I wouldn't wish difficult times on anyone.. let alone my eldest daughter.

Why not stop jumping to conclussions ?

1) I am not throwing my daughter out !!! She wants to leave home.
2) How dare you imply that I am putting my new bloke before my child! I have been with my partner for 6 or so years so he is now *new* and my partner has nothing to do with my intentions to move. I want to move for many reasons but since he has only ever visited plymouth a handful of times it is certainly not for him.
3) I never said i had no parental support after i left home, who do you think looked after my baby when I was at uni or work?
4) I am not wishing difficult times on my daughter, I want her to come with me !!!!

I am not sure what it is you think I am *doing* that is not acceptable to you, but I was litterally exploring my daughters options should she not come with us. I cannot force her, but if she find that she has no money then perhaps she will come all by herself.