Counselling is not doing any good! Not sure what to do.

Anoneemoose

I have also been looking ar dietitians online to see if there was a registered on near me with a view to helping. Not sure how I could afford that and a counsellor though!!

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Thanks again. Especially Paulineb for sharing your story.

I have tried so many different approaches to weight loss previously and have never been able to find one I can continue long term. I struggle to exercise as it leaves me so fatigued. (In my head, I want to go swimming as I used to enjoy this) but my body is like, get stuffed!!

I do feel like my life is on hold in way, that sums it up well. I often go through phases where I think "right, this is me - go and get a decent wardrobe and accessories etc" - then I think "what's the point" when I am fat and nothing looks nice so I buy cheap stuff.

My gp isn't great...I was recently diagnosed with Fibro/CFS and she told me just to exercise!!! This is practically impossible! I haven been re: my weight before but she just said we have tried all there is.

I know I need to do the work myself but I honestly don't know where to start...it is like a reflex action, when I look in the mirror, how I feel (badly) is just ingrained if that makes sense.

Do you have a particular approach to your weight loss Paulineb?

Thanks for taking the time to help.

This time, I didnt count calories. I didnt go on a very low cal diet either, no shakes, no meal replacements, just proper food.

Im very much an all or nothing person. If I have a multipack of crisps in front of me, I could eat 3 in a day, more if I wanted. I basically cleared my house of junk food and if I do want a packet of crisps now and then I'll buy them one at a time.

I cook a lot from scratch but I had to reduce my portion sizes. I was eating healthily before, but I was probably eating the portions of two people. I was maintaining my weight but then I had an injury last year and it went on.

I also cut down on wine, its full of carbs, if I wanted an alcoholic drink I had a gin and slimline tonic. I eat a lot of veg anyway.

Its been fairly restrictive in the sense that some people might eat very well diet wise and then have a blow out on the 7th day, but I cant really do that. If I have a lot of naughty stuff I'll crave it more. Having said that, Ive been out for meals where I have had chips for example, but a couple of times Ive been out, Ive not always wanted them.

I think after a while your body gets used to eating healthily. I do still eat carbs but not as many. I eat things like sweet potato and its protein that keeps you fuller for longer, not carbs so Im trying to eat more protein.

And I make a lot of homemade soup as well. Ive also learned that I was stuffing my face due to boredom, or being unhappy with things, stressed. When being overweight just made me uncomfortable. I still have a fair way to go, I could lose the same again and still not be underweight, but I was miserable this time last year. I had clothes I couldnt get on and now I can and even though I still have more weight to lose, I feel much better for it.

Ive also tried to get it into my head that this isnt a diet, its just a way of life and its healthier eating, because a diet makes you think theres an end in sight and you can go back to eating the way you were. I cant do that, or I'll just end up heavy again.

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I have also been looking ar dietitians online to see if there was a registered on near me with a view to helping. Not sure how I could afford that and a counsellor though!!

If you can get to a gym ask someone who is a personal trainer for advice. My brother is a PT and he has his gp referral qualification which means he can work with people with certain health qualifications.

If theres a get active scheme through your local gym where you can be referred for cheap exercise, try and get on it

Also, look at sites online. Theres one I use called coach calorie and the advice is very good.

sacha28

Could you ask your GP to refer you to a self esteem class? I did one of these, referred to by my GP, it was a 4 week class that took place once a week. It was a bit odd at first, I felt a bit stupid, but then I realised everyone there was there for the same reason as me......because we found it hard to like ourselves, let alone love ourselves.

I have also struggled with my weight. I met my (abusive) ex at 16 and was a size 10. After 5 extremely unhappy years I had piled on 5 stone and was a size 20. It didn't help that my idiot ex was constantly on my case about him wanting me to look how I did when we first met....what a pr!ck. He even bought me a slendertone for my birthday and a gym membership for xmas one year!!!

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

This time, I didnt count calories. I didnt go on a very low cal diet either, no shakes, no meal replacements, just proper food.

Im very much an all or nothing person. If I have a multipack of crisps in front of me, I could eat 3 in a day, more if I wanted. I basically cleared my house of junk food and if I do want a packet of crisps now and then I'll buy them one at a time.

I cook a lot from scratch but I had to reduce my portion sizes. I was eating healthily before, but I was probably eating the portions of two people. I was maintaining my weight but then I had an injury last year and it went on.

I also cut down on wine, its full of carbs, if I wanted an alcoholic drink I had a gin and slimline tonic. I eat a lot of veg anyway.

Its been fairly restrictive in the sense that some people might eat very well diet wise and then have a blow out on the 7th day, but I cant really do that. If I have a lot of naughty stuff I'll crave it more. Having said that, Ive been out for meals where I have had chips for example, but a couple of times Ive been out, Ive not always wanted them.

I think after a while your body gets used to eating healthily. I do still eat carbs but not as many. I eat things like sweet potato and its protein that keeps you fuller for longer, not carbs so Im trying to eat more protein.

And I make a lot of homemade soup as well. Ive also learned that I was stuffing my face due to boredom, or being unhappy with things, stressed. When being overweight just made me uncomfortable. I still have a fair way to go, I could lose the same again and still not be underweight, but I was miserable this time last year. I had clothes I couldnt get on and now I can and even though I still have more weight to lose, I feel much better for it.

Ive also tried to get it into my head that this isnt a diet, its just a way of life and its healthier eating, because a diet makes you think theres an end in sight and you can go back to eating the way you were. I cant do that, or I'll just end up heavy again.

Ooh you sound like me!! Although funnily enough, I have crisps and biscuits in all the time but I just don't fancy them much now whereas as before i would binge eat 4 of 5 packs at a time or half a pack of biscuits. reasoning with myself that that would do instead of a meal. I am of the habit of sending hubs to the garage for whatever is on offer in the big bar of chocolate section! :eek:

I should cook from scratch more but some days I just don't have the energy by the time I have fed the kids/done homework/baths/uniforms/lunches etc. Lots of people say to use the slow cooker but hubs always says everything tastes samey and lukewarm in there. I might use it to make some 'ready meals' for freezing and at least there is always something to hand.

I have sent an email enquiry to a counsellor in the area and am waiting for a response. It is £30 a session but I figure it might be money well spent if it works.

Anoneemoose

sacha28 wrote: »

Could you ask your GP to refer you to a self esteem class? I did one of these, referred to by my GP, it was a 4 week class that took place once a week. It was a bit odd at first, I felt a bit stupid, but then I realised everyone there was there for the same reason as me......because we found it hard to like ourselves, let alone love ourselves.

I have also struggled with my weight. I met my (abusive) ex at 16 and was a size 10. After 5 extremely unhappy years I had piled on 5 stone and was a size 20. It didn't help that my idiot ex was constantly on my case about him wanting me to look how I did when we first met....what a pr!ck. He even bought me a slendertone for my birthday and a gym membership for xmas one year!!!

I shall mention this, thanks. I told her i wanted counselling for self esteem and she said "it's self referral now" and handede the number for mind which is who I have been through.

Keeping_Motivated

Hi

I have just read through your posts and I wondered are you a perfectionist? Sometimes perfectionism paralyses us..as in if everythings not perfect 'what is the point'. Also no point treating myself to clothes as I am not perfect...

Look up books on Perfectionism on Amazon maybe and here is a link to a good self help Self Esteem book on Amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-Melanie-Fennell/dp/1849010684/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382730224&sr=1-9&keywords=perfectionism

paulineb_2

I can absolutely understand what its like not wanting to treat yourself to clothes when you are bigger. I tend to wear casual clothes most of the time anyway and I dont have much cash, but when I was at my slimmest around 6 years ago, I bought a lot of clothes, I did have more money then too

But in the last 5 years or so, Ive bought hardly anything, a few bits from charity shops. Im not really into getting really dressed up, so its no biggie.

But even being two stones over your ideal weight can make you feel, I dont want to buy anything or I'll look awful in it

I have a dress I bought years ago. I love it and it fits me whether Im slimmer or fatter. But I had it on just before I started losing weight and I was like, look at the state of you.

I wouldnt have bought myself new clothes at my biggest and Im not in a rush to buy loads of clothes because I have plenty. But carrying extra weight can make you feel crap and its not about being perfect I think

Its about having to buy things in bigger sizes, feeling awful in those clothes, knowing that you were slimmer and looked better in things.

I bought a dress today but I wouldnt have done that 6 months ago.

Anoneemoose

paulineb wrote: »

I can absolutely understand what its like not wanting to treat yourself to clothes when you are bigger. I tend to wear casual clothes most of the time anyway and I dont have much cash, but when I was at my slimmest around 6 years ago, I bought a lot of clothes, I did have more money then too

But in the last 5 years or so, Ive bought hardly anything, a few bits from charity shops. Im not really into getting really dressed up, so its no biggie.

But even being two stones over your ideal weight can make you feel, I dont want to buy anything or I'll look awful in it

I have a dress I bought years ago. I love it and it fits me whether Im slimmer or fatter. But I had it on just before I started losing weight and I was like, look at the state of you.

I wouldnt have bought myself new clothes at my biggest and Im not in a rush to buy loads of clothes because I have plenty. But carrying extra weight can make you feel crap and its not about being perfect I think

Its about having to buy things in bigger sizes, feeling awful in those clothes, knowing that you were slimmer and looked better in things.

I bought a dress today but I wouldnt have done that 6 months ago.

Well done on the new dress!! I have seen a gorgeous one in next that I would like for christmas time but I just know at my size, it won't look nice. Same with other things. I have read a lot of plus size blogs but even the ladies on those are somewhat toned and it looks a heck of a lot better being a large size and 'neat' than being the same size and looking like a sack of spuds!

And I can't deny that I think clothes look a great deal better in smaller sizes.

paulineb_2

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Well done on the new dress!! I have seen a gorgeous one in next that I would like for christmas time but I just know at my size, it won't look nice. Same with other things. I have read a lot of plus size blogs but even the ladies on those are somewhat toned and it looks a heck of a lot better being a large size and 'neat' than being the same size and looking like a sack of spuds!

And I can't deny that I think clothes look a great deal better in smaller sizes.

Im confortable in a size 14, even at my thinnest Im certainly not tiny. Even at a small 16 I feel ok, but if Im bursting out a 16 or touching an 18, I start to look awful and I feel it. Im small as well so any extra weight, I dont carry it well.

I think you need to try and find how you can exercise and what you can do without it affecting your heath in any way. It would make all the difference

For me, exercise and healthy eating go hand in hand. I dont know what you can and cant do, even walking, some water based fitness classes or even doing exercise at home, lifting light weights or gentle aerobics. Or maybe a pilates type class, its fairly gentle but you still get a good workout from it.

You'll feel better as you get fitter and I think that also gives you an incentive to eat healthier as well.