Real-life MMD: Party-pooping payment request - should I pay up?

ooh_matron

Outrageous. I would not pay £25 for my child to attend a birthday party no matter where it is. It`s expensive enough to buy a gift for the party boy/ girl, but to be expected to pay to attend as well is beyond belief. If the parents of the birthday child are asking you to pay for the privilege, then obviously it is too expensive in the first place, maybe a cheaper option would be better.

Rivermonster

I would consider it an insult to be invited in this way. I feel sorry for these birthday kids because their parents clearly do not have their best interests at heart.

babyjaike

I would be inclined to say a definite NO!!
I recently organised a paintballing party for my son. That was £20 per head and then took them to Harvester for dinner - set meal at £9.99 each.

This was my choice to pay £30 per child. I put a limit of 7 friends. I could have spent the money on my son with an extra gift, but he wanted to go there, had great fun on the day and its not someting he could have done alone anyway, so was win win. I would never have expected any of the parents to pay!

[Deleted User]

happyinflorida wrote: »

MSE will you stop this - put more information in your question - what type of party is this? Is it an expensive one that costs £25 and is every child in the class being invited and that's why there's a cost?

Hear hear. I would want to know what it was that was costing £25.

And I completely agree with what babyjaike says - a limit on the number of people is sensible. When I was a kid, I was told "you can invite 5 people", and each of the 5 people was told to "bring their favourite food for the table". My parents paid and organised the venue and majority of the food.

Primrose

why not respond on the lines of
Dear x
I'm really embarrassed and don't know whether X will.be attending because this is the first time he's ever received an invitation to a party where the guest has to pay and we don,t know whether a present is expected to be provided
Would really appreciate your guidance as we tend to throw inexpensive parties at home for our child to avoid the risk of any parent being unable to afford their child attending.
Regards,

TBagpuss

I would not pay for my child to attend.
It's incredibly rude and inappropriate.
when we were children, we were allowed to chose what kind of party we wanted, but the type of party dictated how many guests we could invite - happy to have friends round to the house? - You can invite 15 people. Want to go to McDonalds and on to the cinema? You can invite 3 people.
And if your kid wants something which you can't afford, then you explain to him/her that it's not possible and offer alternatives which *are* in your budget.

(My younger brother had a friend who was the only child of very ell-off parents. Friend got to invite about 40 kids for a day involving laserquest and then gokarting, with a catered meal in the middle. When Brother's birthday came round, he wanted the same. He was told that wasn't possible, but that he could take 3 friends karting OR to laserquest. And he picked one and had a great time.)

If kid really wanted to go I would let him chose to do so, on the basis that I would contribute the same amount we'd normally spend on a gift for a child's party, and kid could pay the balance. I would not send a gift as well.

depending on how well I knew the parent, (and how the invite was given) I might say something to them like "I hope you don't mind me mentioning, but I noticed that you seem to have accidentally used invitations intended for a fundraiser for the invite, which makes it look as if as if you are actually trying to charge guests to attend!2

I'd be tempted to send an RSVP saying " thank you for you note. However, i don't wish to buy a ticket" but that would be rude so I'd try to resist!

dianauni

Most definitely not! If the parents cannot afford a party then they shouldn't have one. They should just have a family celebration at home and explain to their child why and phone the parents of the birthday boy/girl and tell them politely how they feel.

LauraCV21

This is why my kid doesn't have 'parties'. She has gone to ones where we don't pay to attend but send a gift, others where it's been a Saturday morning film which we'v been asked to pay the £1 entry fee, but those where she's been expected to pay to attend she's refused to go to herself (we've tried to bring her up to understand the value of money).

She is now a teenager had for her birthday she is always allowed a couple of friends for a 'sleep-over' and we try to include activities to make the two days fun (the day before, plus her actual birthday). Spookily enough it was her borthday yesterday so this is a timely MMD. These activities include bowling, pictures, meals out (or a KFC takeaway if that's what they want). But we would never dream of asking the parents to 'contribute'.

She is happy with that and, when invited to other friends parties always puts her own money in the card (£5) as a present and, when it's not at a house, we give her a few quid to buy drinks but, no0one has ever tried to bill us for a party! And knowing my daughter, if they did she'd decline the invite and not tell us rather than expect us to fork out for it.

This does not mean she hasn't been to expensive parties, just that other parents have always covered the cost themselves - it's their choice what party the child has so therefore it's their expense.

I will add that when she hits 16 and/or 18 she will gt a 'proper' party at a venue (depending what she wants at the time), and I expect to cover the cost myself, not ask for 'contributions'!

LauraCV21

I should add to my previous reply, she has had 'proper parties' when she was younger - all the class invited, along with family and other friends - and they were always held in a venue (our house is too small for 30+ kids plus whatever adults wanted to come, and the time of year (end October) means the garden isn't a viable extension to throw them into for etra space).

She did enjoy them, even the entertainment we booked for her, but now feels she's too old for such events and is happier with a couple of friends on a sleepover rather than a party.

I also recognise that'll change in a couple of years when she's a little older again.
:rotfl::beer:

vanilla_twist

Shocked:eek:

Not held a kids party for over 10 years but even as a single parent would not have dreamed of asking for money.
If my child was ever invited to a nice event I would always offer a donation but never once was this accepted.

My guidance would be...
if it was a very close friend (maybe with several siblings) and they were doing something great then the parent would probably have asked your opinion before deciding to ask for financial help.
I can't see that these parents are people you know well so therefore unlikely to be a close friend of your childs anyway. So I would say no.
If question by parent about not participating I would ask them why they are holding an event they obviously can't afford!

I agree with other posters, this is a slippery slope and will only spiral a bit like hen and stag parties have over the years.

Explain to you child you have a yearly budget for parties and if you pay out her own will end up being a bag of chips on the swings as will be no money left in the pot.
V x