Real-life MMD: Party-pooping payment request - should I pay up?

stmartinsdiver

It seems the world is going mad and common sense has gone clean out of the window. Parents seem to find it increasing hard to say 'no' to their offspring due to peer group pressure and/or embarrassment of not 'keeping up with the Jones's'
Simply decline the invitation - others may just follow suit as there will no doubt be others who feel as you do. Perhaps a word with another mum would confirm to you that this type of invitation makes some people very uncomfortable, a fact which those 'putting on a show' are blissfully unaware of. (or are they?)

oldnewhand

What a relief to read the responses. I know times have moved on since my children had a party in our garden where we put a tent up in case of rain (it never did all those years ago of course!) Grandchildren had a few friends at a pub/restaurant chain or went bowling. I didn't really like this effortless (apart from paying) idea but now all the parent has to do is organise it and everyone else stumps up the cost WHAT A RIP OFF. I think for the sake of my child I would quietly talk to parents of other unlucky invitees and guage their reaction but my initial reaction is "Do I really want my child socialising with a child whose parents have the audacity to expect me to contribute towards their child's day?" To me with my old fashioned ideas it's about GIVING your child a day to remember not BUYING (or getting others to buy) a fun time.

POPPYOSCAR

No I would not.

I hear of this more and more though.

I am reminded of when my daughter was younger and invited to a 'make over" birthday party at a studio. She was told that all the girls going would have a make over and their photo taken which they would then get a copy of.

However, a few days later she came home from school with an order form to choose from with each photo costing £25!!

I must admit I was torn about paying for one but even she told me not to do it.

jonnyb1978

Kids get everything these days, they are way above their years with regards to what possessions they have. I wouldn't be surprised if this was just a cheeky new idea or craze made up to get the birthday person extra money so they can go and blow it on more pointless stuff...No chance would i pay.

lindadykes

Parties should be paid for by the host. If the hosts can't afford the party they should think of an alternative celebration that they can afford. This year for my granddaughter's 6th birthday it was held at her auntie's house as her mams house has no garden and is rather small. It was panned to be held in the garden but with a contingency plan to move it into the house if the weather turned nasty. We themed the party around Peter Pan and her mam and I spent many happy hours on Pinterest gleaning ideas. We decorated the garden with home made bunting and homemade signs and planned themed crafts and games. I bought a bunch of "prizes" in Wilkinsons sale with none costing more than 35p. We decorated brown paper lunch bags with a Peter Pan printable and popped a star shaped sandwich, a sausage roll, bag of crisps and a homemade cupcake into each one which was eaten as a picnic on the lawn. We "re-labelled" cheap bottles of fizzy pop with printable themed labels and gave out one per child with their lunch bag. We made sure every child won a prize and went home with a goody bag containing a small toy, again from Wilkinsons, a Peter Pan themed puzzle sheet (printed from t'interweb, a piece of birthday cake and a funsize bag of Haribo's. My daughter received a number of text messages from parents whose children attended and they all said how brilliant it was to have attended a more "traditional" birthday party. The whole thing for 16 children cost less than £30 - shows what you can do with a bit of ingenuity and planning.
:T

davedogs

Do as you see fit basically!

if you can't afford it, don't

if you can, do!

i would explain to my child that the money spent would be their "nice" things for the month and they should decide if that they wanted to attend both etc.

reason it through - isn't too difficult this one.

Faery_Oracle

It is absolutely outrageous to ask for payment - decline the offer. Avoid those parents in future.

meknowalot-51

By paying you will encourage others to do the same,do not pay.
How many times have you been invited to;barbecues,anniversaries,weddings,christenings,birthday parties and engagement parties?Quite a few i bet.How many times have you been asked to pay?The answer is none,you take a present which is expected and that's it.The amount your being asked to pay is irrelevant,this is wrong on a lot of levels.What about the kids whose parents really can't afford anything,it's a terrible idea.The whole thing sounds like a scam.Just an excuse to make some money out of people who should know better.If you were invited to a party and then told it would be £10 each would you really pay up?

duchy

Although I disagreed with about 80% FLG's post

Age is a factor .......Infant school it seems to be invite the whole class , juniors they get more selective and high school is usually a smaller tight core of friends and obviously different activities ....... I can see how with teenagers a scenario of "Beckham wants to go to Alton Towers for his birthday and would like Matthew Mark Luke and John to come too. We'd love them all to join us so would be happy to transport the kids and feed them if they'd like to pay the admission fee themselves" can happen -and I'd be OK with that -the parents are offering hospitality and it's clear what the plan is but it is NOT a party. Younger kids parties it is down to the parents to provide full hospitality at a venue and head count they can afford. If you want an afternoon riding ponies or laser quest and can't afford to pay for thirty then invite the three or five guests you CAN afford to host.

I did laugh at the idea that children should pay for birthday parties out of their own pocket money -I assume as FLG speaks in terms of being a carer that pocket money is in one way or another funded by an external source ......but for traditional families pocket money is funded by parents so it is still getting the parents to pay by increasing pocket money to allow for such increased expense.

duchy

meknowalot-51 wrote: »

By paying you will encourage others to do the same,do not pay.
How many times have you been invited to;barbecues,anniversaries,weddings,christenings,birthday parties and engagement parties?Quite a few i bet.How many times have you been asked to pay?The answer is none,you take a present which is expected and that's it.The amount your being asked to pay is irrelevant,this is wrong on a lot of levels.What about the kids whose parents really can't afford anything,it's a terrible idea.The whole thing sounds like a scam.Just an excuse to make some money out of people who should know better.If you were invited to a party and then told it would be £10 each would you really pay up?

You'd be surprised...... the question of "Can I charge my guests to come to my wedding meal?" crops up fairly often on the weddings board here.

I suppose if you equate a teenager's "day out" to a stag or hen night ...... the principle of guests paying to attend is already established.