Vent - Disappointed

skye

Hi, sorry just feelign the need to vent at the moment as just feeling a bit disappointed in some of the people around me (friends family). The feeling has stemmed from organising a halloween party as I love halloween, I think I am now going to have to cancel it even though I have bought my costume (spent near £50 on it), bought decorations, sweets, snacks and some alcohol already.

I've had one family member saying that they can come and then when I've sent out a text to try & get numbers to see if worth while, her mum has replied telling me that she can't come as she is babysitting for her daughter to go out for her birthday - she hasn't bothered telling me she's not coming. She also did it at my birthday - she said she was coming out then I text her to see if she wants to meet at mine earlier and she said sorry she forgot & she'll meet me up later. Then I text her later to let her know where I am and she's gone home ill apparantly.

Then there's the other friends who say yes or maybe when I double check something has come up (or last year I got a text at the time of the party saying sorry tired or headache etc), or they have no money to buy a costume so can't come - it doesn't have to be elabrate fancy dress a witch might cost £2 from a pound shop for a hat & broom - they don't even really need to be in a costume, so I'm assuming just another excuse. I'm a pretty generous person & I always provide plenty of food and alcohol at my parties - usually with jugs of cocktails so it isn't even like it would cost much to attend.

I'm so fed up of the rubbish excuses I think I would rather people just said look sorry halloween isn't my thing or just told me intially they have something else on. I think adding to that just other things with friends have been disappointing me - one friend last year gave me a bottle of brewed beer for my birthday, apart from thae fact that she knoes I would never drink that in a million years it was 2 years out of date. I put effort into her presents and although would only spend about £10 I thought that was a bit of a joke so at Christmas I asked her not to do presents as I was skint. So birthdays come round this year I try & put effort in still, although probably not so much but I still think it was a nice present and I get a recycled Christmas present - a little bit more my style but part of it is out of date again (I also previously got another recycled out of date present previously from her years ago). I find it a bit embarassing, am I supposed to thank you for an out of date bottle of brewed beer that is only for for the bin?? Then recently she gives me some cash for something she has asked me to get whilst on holiday, I get to the shop and I know it is going to cost me more than what she has given me - I can see it coming and low and below there isn't even enough for 1 of them and she has asked me to get 2. I feel so disappointed she knows how much they cost as she's bought them before and I think she knows I would be too embarassed to ask for the rest of the cash. I feel taken advantage of at this point but I did consider her a friend (yet she's one who let me down at last minute last year's party and appeared for about an hour on my birthday and disappeared when we changed pubs without even saying goodbye).

I just feel like I need some new friends who I can count on and who actually like halloween! At a total of around maybe 13 people confirmed and probably not anymore it's probably not worth the effort of a party, is it??

*max*

skye wrote: »

Hi, sorry just feelign the need to vent at the moment as just feeling a bit disappointed in some of the people around me (friends family). The feeling has stemmed from organising a halloween party as I love halloween, I think I am now going to have to cancel it even though I have bought my costume (spent near £50 on it), bought decorations, sweets, snacks and some alcohol already.

I've had one family member saying that they can come and then when I've sent out a text to try & get numbers to see if worth while, her mum has replied telling me that she can't come as she is babysitting for her daughter to go out for her birthday - she hasn't bothered telling me she's not coming. She also did it at my birthday - she said she was coming out then I text her to see if she wants to meet at mine earlier and she said sorry she forgot & she'll meet me up later. Then I text her later to let her know where I am and she's gone home ill apparantly.

Then there's the other friends who say yes or maybe when I double check something has come up (or last year I got a text at the time of the party saying sorry tired or headache etc), or they have no money to buy a costume so can't come - it doesn't have to be elabrate fancy dress a witch might cost £2 from a pound shop for a hat & broom - they don't even really need to be in a costume, so I'm assuming just another excuse. I'm a pretty generous person & I always provide plenty of food and alcohol at my parties - usually with jugs of cocktails so it isn't even like it would cost much to attend.

I'm so fed up of the rubbish excuses I think I would rather people just said look sorry halloween isn't my thing or just told me intially they have something else on. I think adding to that just other things with friends have been disappointing me - one friend last year gave me a bottle of brewed beer for my birthday, apart from thae fact that she knoes I would never drink that in a million years it was 2 years out of date. I put effort into her presents and although would only spend about £10 I thought that was a bit of a joke so at Christmas I asked her not to do presents as I was skint. So birthdays come round this year I try & put effort in still, although probably not so much but I still think it was a nice present and I get a recycled Christmas present - a little bit more my style but part of it is out of date again (I also previously got another recycled out of date present previously from her years ago). I find it a bit embarassing, am I supposed to thank you for an out of date bottle of brewed beer that is only for for the bin?? Then recently she gives me some cash for something she has asked me to get whilst on holiday, I get to the shop and I know it is going to cost me more than what she has given me - I can see it coming and low and below there isn't even enough for 1 of them and she has asked me to get 2. I feel so disappointed she knows how much they cost as she's bought them before and I think she knows I would be too embarassed to ask for the rest of the cash. I feel taken advantage of at this point but I did consider her a friend (yet she's one who let me down at last minute last year's party and appeared for about an hour on my birthday and disappeared when we changed pubs without even saying goodbye).

I just feel like I need some new friends who I can count on and who actually like halloween! At a total of around maybe 13 people confirmed and probably not anymore it's probably not worth the effort of a party, is it??

Why? 13 people is plenty for a party! I've had parties with 4 or 5 people there before. Hell, I don't think I could even find 13 people to ask, nevermind actually come.

So you have a couple of unreliable mates, everybody has those. No need to cancel everything for the sake of a few who can't/won't come. Maybe you should lower your expectations a little too. It's the best way to avoid disappointment I find!

victory

So you have had some letdowns? Don't we all? There is a lot of negativity in your post and it will bring you down...seek out the people that are fun to be around, that make you happy, that do not let you down, that want to be there at the party, like you say not everyone is so keen on halloween as you are and that is not necessarily a bad thing, it just is.

LEJC

How many were you expecting...I have to agree that 13 at a house party would be a perfect number

tea_lover

I wouldn't know 13 people to invite!

Brighton_belle

tea_lover wrote: »

I wouldn't know 13 people to invite!

And most people I know couldn't give a monkey's about Halloween.

marisco_2

Friendships are something many people invest much into. The amount of contact you have with friends can change as your lives evolve and you each gain more commitments and responsibilities. I get the impression though that this scenario isn't solely the case, for the discontentment you feel toward some of your friends at present.

It can feel horrible when you come to the realisation that some friendships are imbalanced and unhealthy. Distance yourself for a while from the people who you feel take you for granted and who don't treat you well. If they contact you and start to make an effort then maybe bridges can be rebuilt. If not then you know it is time to move on and to try to connect with others more on your wavelength.

fabforty

Speaking of friendship, you aren't treating the 13 friends who have confirmed very well are you? You are basically letting them down because others have let you down. Parties are not about numbers, it's about having fun with your friends - at least it's supposed to be.

peachyprice

It probably doesn't help that it's on a Thursday this year.

barbarawright

If you want an old fashioned kid-style Hallowe'en party, 13 is a perfect number for apple-bobbing and fortune telling and that sort of thing. Sounds great to me. Can I come?

skye

Thanks for the replies, the 13 includes myself & my boyfriend. Another 2 would be my parents who would only pop in for an hour maybe 2, and would be quite happy if I cancelled as they are not into halloween. Another 2 are my boyfriends family who might only be able to come later on - ie they may not be able to come. Another 2 are plus 1s from work friends so might not be definites. I know it sounds mean on those people who have said they can come but I think they are only coming for me & not because they really want to go to a halloween party which is nice of them but I don't want it to be a complete let down for those people who do make the effort. I think I might still have it as last year it was good with only a few people, but this year those people are away or can't come. Where as this year my close friends & sister & boyfriends mum & sisters definately can't come so maybe that's why I'm worried.