Vent - Disappointed

shegirl

How old are you op? Your comments about not being happy with 13 people,thinking about new friends and things like (even if light hearted) ones that like Halloween as much as you,made me wonder.

Most adults aren't interested in halloween.Many don't like dressing in costumes and many grow out of parties or have less interest in them than they used to.

Add to that busy lives,work etc and there are several reasons people would decline an invite.Don't take it personally.

Any with kids possibly have kids Halloween parties to go to.

Don't worry about only a couple wearing costumes,not everyone has the same idea of fun but the people who are coming are making an effort for you

13 is a good number for a house party,why have more?You don't live in an American teen flick,house parties are smaller in reality,you have a good number to actually enjoy the party.I used to throw great parties with a few less and they're everyone remembers them because they were fun and small enough for us all to engage and have fun with every single person there on a good level.

Relax and have fun

skye

I'm 30, I'll go ahead but just hope those other 11 people turn up!! The reason I'm worried is I'm used to people saying they'll come and just not turning up or sending a text saying they can't come around the time the party starts.

lazer

I had the saem issue with a birthday party one year - loads of people had let me down, and it finished up with 4 people (incluiding me) - I was going to cancel it - but thought i can have just as much fun with just a few friends, and the friends that came, are real friends.

It was a brilliant night in the end and the same friends are the ones I now make an effort to go to events they organise - what goes around comes around!

lazer

PS - Halloween parties are very popular around my way too!

Kildare

I think one of the other posters asked this but did you send out 'formal' invites or just facebook / text messages. If I receive a proper invite on email or in the post (someones taken the time to put together an image and info etc.) I take that to be a big event. If it's just facebook / text its kind of "come if your available". A lot of people don't reply to facebook / text invites because they forget about them. For a casual house party where it doesn't matter how many show up its fine though

Also - the Saturday after Halloween is when most of the firework displays are on in my area so if people have kids (or are a big kid like me ) it could be they are off to displays

skye

Kildare wrote: »

I think one of the other posters asked this but did you send out 'formal' invites or just facebook / text messages. If I receive a proper invite on email or in the post (someones taken the time to put together an image and info etc.) I take that to be a big event. If it's just facebook / text its kind of "come if your available". A lot of people don't reply to facebook / text invites because they forget about them. For a casual house party where it doesn't matter how many show up its fine though

Also - the Saturday after Halloween is when most of the firework displays are on in my area so if people have kids (or are a big kid like me ) it could be they are off to displays

I originally sent a text and set up a facebook invite, some people I then spoke with. Recently followed up with a text and a message asking if people who hadn't let me know if they were coming or not could do on the facebook event page. Maybe I should have gone with more formal invites, but I didn't think it would have made that much difference at the time. In future i will do a formal invite, and re: bonfire if i choose to have one next year ot the year after at least it can be on actual halloween - i'll see how this years goes first though!!

balletshoes

skye wrote: »

Just to answer another question, I originally sent a text and set up a facebook invite, some people I then spoke with. Recently followed up with a text and a message asking if people who hadn't let me know if they were coming or not could do on the facebook event page. Maybe I should have gone with more formal invites, but I don't think it would have made that much difference.

see, that would have made a huge difference to me - I don't count facebook invites as specific invites at all, and probably would just skim over it and not bother to reply to it.

I also agree with others - you love Halloween and want to have a party, thats great. But I don't really like dressing up or silly party games, so if I was your friend and you invited me, it really would have to be because you wanted me to be there, wanted to spend some time with me, and not expect me to be as loved-up with Halloween as you are .

pinkshoes

skye wrote: »

Then recently she gives me some cash for something she has asked me to get whilst on holiday, I get to the shop and I know it is going to cost me more than what she has given me - I can see it coming and low and below there isn't even enough for 1 of them and she has asked me to get 2. I feel so disappointed she knows how much they cost as she's bought them before and I think she knows I would be too embarassed to ask for the rest of the cash. I feel taken advantage of at this point but I did consider her a friend

The quick blunt version: STOP BEING A DOORMAT!!!

I can tell you now, this person is NOT a friend, so stop being such a push over and ignore her.

If she has deliberately not given you enough money, then just return the £10 or whatever and say they were £12 each, so you need to give me £24 if you want two.

top_drawer_2

Hello

I should apoligise for my late reply, I read your message on Tuesday on my phone but as I never answer messages due to it being too fiddly, I'm only responding now.

I read your OP and wondered if you were me!

From what I'm reading is that the people who have agreed to go to your party are the type that are almost obliged too, although you would never want them to feel that way... You really want to have a bit of fun and I love get-togethers for Christmas / Bonfire Night and although Halloween doesn't do it for me, I would probably attend if invited. Its a shame that no-one else seems to be interested, its happened to me a lot in the past!

We all have different perspective on social events but I consider fb to be an excellent way to arrange things (setting up an event on fb is the done thing with people, I know) and only you really know these people and whether they are responsive to this set-up. I think what missing is that they feel ok with letting you down - maybe your the fallback option / maybe they don't take you too seriously or you're just too available.

I think you should use it to your advantage though and have a shake-up of your friends / acquaintances. Firstly, an injection of new friends and events could be just what you need to move away from the people that treat you like you have described. Its much easier when you are busy doing other fun things and you might even find they treat you better once they see they aren't your first option.

I had a similar "friend" as the one you describe who didn't give you enough money, mine treated me worse than you would an animal when I visited her for a few days, on her insistence and then sent me abusive text messages as she felt I wasn't grateful enough for "my holiday." Prior to that she got me into some very dodgy situations in pubs / clubs around where we both lived as she tends to err on the grey end of the continuum of criminal activity.

https://www.meet-up.co.uk is good and also say yes to everything you encounter in your community such as stuff featured on noticeboards, I came across a book group by accident and I have formed a friendship within the group.

TD

7roland8

Hey Slye - ow did the party go?

Likewise I only respond to 'proper' invites - some with in laws come as 'anyone can come' which I just ignore - a proper invite warrants a proper reply.

Re out of date gifts - no solution really - just don't bother wasting much money on them either - I have had some stuff like that too.