Vent - Disappointed

Hermia

honeypop wrote: »

I think this entirely depends on the persons set of friends. In contrast to your post, my group of friends/family and I would throw a large Halloween party each year for about 7 years (until we moved to a much smaller house and couldn't host such a gathering anymore) and guests ranged from 18 to in their 40's and enjoyed it in full themed fancy dress.

There will be those who think no-one does it because no-one they know does, then there will be people who are part of a group who regularly hold such a party so for them it's 'normal'.

True, but the OP does seem to be getting a lukewarm response from people she knows so it might be because a halloween party is not their thing. I do know people who would rather make an excuse than be honest about really not liking that particular sort of event.

meritaten

I am not going to go into the 'you don't understand All Hallows Eve'.
you want to make it a party night.
well - the kids usually like to go trick an treating - so that can make arriving at a party a bit hit or miss. depending on how long it takes.
and if its a 'school night' beyond 9.00pm is also a no no.
have you sent out 'formal' invitations - because 'come round to mine and we will have a party - on the phone is taken as a casual invite.
sorry - but 'Halloween parties' are not 'the norm'. kids tend to trick or treat and go home to count the spoils! parties? hmmm - different thing and mostly for adults with no kids.

*Louise*

skye wrote: »

Then recently she gives me some cash for something she has asked me to get whilst on holiday, I get to the shop and I know it is going to cost me more than what she has given me - I can see it coming and low and below there isn't even enough for 1 of them and she has asked me to get 2. I feel so disappointed she knows how much they cost as she's bought them before and I think she knows I would be too embarassed to ask for the rest of the cash. I feel taken advantage of at this point but I did consider her a friend

Halloween party aside - why would you let yourself be treated like this? There is nothing embarrassing in asking for money you are owed, she should be the one embarrassed for putting that on you.

I probably would have bought the two - then handed them over with the receipt and simply said 'you were a bit short, so I loaned it to you, but I know you're good for it next time I see you' (ie make a bit of a joke but make it clear there was a discrepancy)

Soleil_lune

honeypop wrote: »

I think this entirely depends on the persons set of friends. In contrast to your post, my group of friends/family and I would throw a large Halloween party each year for about 7 years (until we moved to a much smaller house and couldn't host such a gathering anymore) and guests ranged from 18 to in their 40's and enjoyed it in full themed fancy dress.

There will be those who think no-one does it because no-one they know does, then there will be people who are part of a group who regularly hold such a party so for them it's 'normal'.

To the OP, I say go with it!

Have to agree. I LOVE Halloween and love going to parties. We are going to one being held by the community in the small town I live in: it's £3 each and about 100 are going to be there. Me and my family are going as characters from The Walking Dead. Should be a real laugh.

Re the OP: I am sorry you're feeling this way about your pals letting you down, but TBH to have 13 people to invite still, you are very lucky. As someone said earlier in the thread, just concentrate on the people who DO make the same effort as you, and give the people who um and ah and let you down, a wide berth. Maybe don't even contact them, and wait for them to contact you.

barbarawright

skye wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, the 13 includes myself & my boyfriend. Another 2 would be my parents who would only pop in for an hour maybe 2, and would be quite happy if I cancelled as they are not into halloween. Another 2 are my boyfriends family who might only be able to come later on - ie they may not be able to come. Another 2 are plus 1s from work friends so might not be definites. I know it sounds mean on those people who have said they can come but I think they are only coming for me & not because they really want to go to a halloween party which is nice of them but I don't want it to be a complete let down for those people who do make the effort. I think I might still have it as last year it was good with only a few people, but this year those people are away or can't come. Where as this year my close friends & sister & boyfriends mum & sisters definately can't come so maybe that's why I'm worried.

"My friend Skye decided to have a Hallowe'en party. Not really my thing but he/she is a good friend and it sounded like it might be fun so I put the date in my diary, turned down another invitation and put together a cheap costume. I was really quite looking forward to it until it was cancelled at the last minute. No reason given but I got the impression it was because some of the more glam invitees couldn't come. Now I feel a bit miffed - I made the effort but it seems it didn't really matter whether I came or not and I can't decide if we're really friends."

Lunar_Eclipse

meritaten wrote: »

sorry - but 'Halloween parties' are not 'the norm'. kids tend to trick or treat and go home to count the spoils! parties? hmmm - different thing and mostly for adults with no kids.

Halloween parties are very much the norm! But in our case, for adults with kids (ie mainly for the kids.) We've been to one every year since eldest was 3 and I have very fond memories of going to them as a child too. I know plenty of young adults will have them too, as will universities.

DD2 (12) also has one at school on 31st. Fancy dress and Halloween games but no trick or treating at that one.

All over by about 9 as you said.

skye

Thanks for all your replies - I think I'm just going to go with it, just worried that I'll get some of the 11 people saying on night that they can't come & I'll end up with none but so be it! Just for clarity I'm pretty sure that only 2 people coming other than me & the boyfriend are considering dressing up & I don't think they have bought anything - I agree that would be very mean of me to cancel if those guests had also gone to lengths to buy costumes etc. on the babysitting issue, only 1 person with a child is coming, & the friends with small children aren't coming mostly as they have other plans (not halloween related).

In relation to separating the issues I think I do really need to. And in response to whether to get the items on holiday - I didn't because something bad happened on holiday & I had no spare cash, so I used the money to get a very similar smaller product which I could get a few of. I still need to give them to her but I will make a point of explaining why I got the alternative. I think maybe I need to review how people see me - I had another friend (not a best friend but enough that we had started seeing each other quite a bit for nights & parties) a bit unreliable but a good laugh. I lent her £40 one night on a night out, I actually wrote off the money because she's useless with it but did ask her for it back when she wasn't very forthcoming. Let's just say I haven't really seen her since, despite inviting her to a few things. As for the presents thing I'm not too bothered as I haven't spent lots of money - just more embarrassed! I think I will just start saying let's not do presents.

skye

I was originally planning the party for this weekend, which might have been a better date however my cousin asked if he come come & stay. His wife is pregnant & they have a small child so my mum spoke to him & basically the result was they would rather not have the party whilst there so I arranged it for the week after.

skye

Just to answer another question, I originally sent a text and set up a facebook invite, some people I then spoke with. Recently followed up with a text and a message asking if people who hadn't let me know if they were coming or not could do on the facebook event page. Maybe I should have gone with more formal invites, but I don't think it would have made that much difference.

fluffnutter

Just a general comment about friendships... I think it's healthy to have fairly low expectations. Sure it's OK to expect your friends not to steal from you, slag off your kids or shag your husband but beyond that, their lives are their own and if we don't expect too much then we won't be disappointed.

We're all very different people with different priorities, wants and needs. It's wise to remember that - just because someone doesn't want to do *this* doesn't mean they hate you. And if they neglect to tell you, that doesn't necessarily make them rude - they might just be really busy and a bit forgetful. Sometimes it's just not about us.