Parents want to do a "House Swap".

FatVonD

Mojisola wrote: »

Even if you weren't allowed to sell it, had to spend most of your money on its upkeep and felt like you were living in someone else's house all the time?

Add to that, potential parental disapproval every time you tried to change the decor or do any other work in the house?

Absolutely, but I'd do all those things anyway once I had my mitts on it and put up with their disapproval

AlexLK

elsien wrote: »

If the idea is that you keep the house and pass it down the generations, that's a massive tie on your future life choices.
What if you decide you want to move away, or follow a career elsewhere? Or decide that you don't like the financial compromises you have to make to keep up with the daily living costs? Without the aid of a crystal ball, none of us know what the future holds.
Unless your parents are giving you the house and a free choice, either they have a big hold on you in the future, or you risk a massive fall out if your choices don't tie in with their perceptions of your "agreement."
If it's not a swap without reservations, don't do it.

Edit - if you do swap, you and your wife have to make the changes you need to make it your own. To make it your house and not your parents, without fear of upsetting them. Even if it means tearing the insides out and starting again.

I doubt we'll move away and so far as my "career" goes I have my own small business and my wife; whilst she could get a much better paying job in her field by moving abroad has no desire to go that far. Jobs in the UK seem to all pay about the same.

They would be very angry if we simply sold the house and moved on, nor would they want us to change it (we couldn't afford to either :rotfl:). My parents and I have already been estranged through my bad financial decisions.

Person_one wrote: »

At their ages, its impossible to say, and a big gamble.

I'm 29 and I don't even know if I'll be alive this time next week.

The fact that they've essentially given away a huge asset would also be an issue if they ever needed care. They could be assessed as though they still have the house, I believe, and expected to pay accordingly.

Well at the moment father only has minor health problems and mother still does 4 miles walking a day and drives a Defender, she says to start worrying when she swaps it in for an automatic RR. :rotfl:

So far as if they ever needed care, I don't see why they wouldn't be able to pay for that anyway.

Mojisola wrote: »

Why would you want to work merely to fund an expensive house?

There's more to life than keeping a house going!

Who would want to be restricted to living and finding work in one area for the whole of their lives? What if you or your OH got an amazing job offer at the other end of the country?

It could become a millstone rather than a house.

Yes it could be difficult. However, it has long been (before I was born) my father's dream to pass on the house they restored through my family for many generations to come. I suppose that sounds somewhat old fashioned but it would mean a lot to them.

My earnings would be nowhere near enough to fund the upkeep of their house but together my wife and I could just about do it. As for the area question I hope I've answered that.

AlexLK

whitewing wrote: »

What if your wife had an affair and wanted a divorce?

What if one of you had to stop work, assuming you both work?

Just trying to think of scenarios where your parents did not get the outcome that they are thinking of?

Have you factored maintenance of the house in as well as regular monthly bills?

The other thing is that you could 'grow' into the house. If I got the chance to move into a better house for the same money as now, I am sure that it would slightly change my outlook and perspective on life. It's not a materialistic thing, just an optimistic/lucky feeling that would make other opportunities present themselves.

Also, would your parents want you to put up other family members, eg in the spare room? Or even would they be expecting that one of them comes to live with you when the other passes on?

We could just about afford upkeep on the house if we started to live frugally.

My parents would not expect us to "put up" other family members as I am an only child.

Mojisola wrote: »

Even if you weren't allowed to sell it, had to spend most of your money on its upkeep and felt like you were living in someone else's house all the time?

Add to that, potential parental disapproval every time you tried to change the decor or do any other work in the house?

FatVonD wrote: »

Absolutely, but I'd do all those things anyway once I had my mitts on it and put up with their disapproval

Some good points here. However, I couldn't afford to change the place and like it as it is. The main issue would be the fact I'm not sure it would feel like a home to me, never mind my wife.

Mojisola

FatVonD wrote: »

Absolutely, but I'd do all those things anyway once I had my mitts on it and put up with their disapproval

It doesn't sound as if Alex would, though.

AlexLK wrote: »

They would be very angry if we simply sold the house and moved on, nor would they want us to change it (we couldn't afford to either :rotfl:).

Yes it could be difficult. However, it has long been (before I was born) my father's dream to pass on the house they restored through my family for many generations to come. I suppose that sounds somewhat old fashioned but it would mean a lot to them.

My earnings would be nowhere near enough to fund the upkeep of their house but together my wife and I could just about do it. As for the area question I hope I've answered that.

I wouldn't do it but if you want to tie yourself to a building for the rest of your life, that's your choice.

What would happen if one of you got too ill and work and so couldn't maintain the house; your wife died and your wages wouldn't cover the costs of the house; you and your wife divorce and she wants her half of the joint assets; you die and your wife inherits the house - she sells up and escapes off to a wonderful job in another country?

How could you afford to have children so that there's someone to inherit the house if all your wages are going on running the house?

elsien

AlexLK wrote: »

They would be very angry if we simply sold the house and moved on, nor would they want us to change it (we couldn't afford to either :rotfl:). My parents and I have already been estranged through my bad financial decisions.


Yes it could be difficult. However, it has long been (before I was born) my father's dream to pass on the house they restored through my family for many generations to come. I suppose that sounds somewhat old fashioned but it would mean a lot to them.

My earnings would be nowhere near enough to fund the upkeep of their house but together my wife and I could just about do it.

All this says to me is it really isn't worth it. You've not been great with money and this will stretch you further. What if one of you loses your job?
Life's too short for all the potential complications and fallings out and living in a house that's less your family home and more a memorial to your parent's taste.
Plus if your wife's not keen and her wages are a large factor in the equation, don't you think you should be taking that a lot more into account than you seem to be at the moment.

FatVonD

But he's going to inherit it at some point so will have the same set of problems as now but have a huge tax bill on top which may entail the house being sold to settle it?

I'd soooooooo go for it, (even if I could only afford to heat one room ) but I love big houses.

Regarding tax avoidance, I'm more disapproving of you (OP) not paying your debts yet saving towards full and final settlement figures but that's another thread entirely :rotfl:

mountainofdebt

AlexLK wrote: »

lt. However, it has long been (before I was born) my father's dream to pass on the house they restored through my family for many generations to come. I suppose that sounds somewhat old fashioned but it would mean a lot to them.
.

I don't get this mentality at all.

So they would expect you to keep a house, something that you couldn't comfortably afford to keep, just because they restored it.

So would they expect to stay in the family forever more?

You may be guillted in to keeping it but I doubt your children would be

FatVonD

AlexLK wrote: »

The main issue would be the fact I'm not sure it would feel like a home to me, never mind my wife.

I worked with an American woman many years ago who'd married an Englishman with 'old' money and it drove her potty that she could never buy any new furniture as his parents would always insist they had whatever piece they needed from one of their other houses.

elsien

FatVonD wrote: »

I'd soooooooo go for it, (even if I could only afford to heat one room ) but I love big houses.
:

So do I but I'd rather have a life. Big house, one liveable room and serious frugality vs current small house in rundown area with holidays, gigs, theatre, days out with friends. And good wine. No contest.

Plus the added advantage that I can tell my mother to sling her hook when she starts seriously getting on my nerves and commenting on the state of my decor and cleanliness.

AlexLK

Mojisola wrote: »

It doesn't sound as if Alex would, though.


I wouldn't do it but if you want to tie yourself to a building for the rest of your life, that's your choice.

What would happen if one of you got too ill and work and so couldn't maintain the house; your wife died and your wages wouldn't cover the costs of the house; you and your wife divorce and she wants her half of the joint assets; you die and your wife inherits the house - she sells up and escapes off to a wonderful job in another country?

How could you afford to have children so that there's someone to inherit the house if all your wages are going on running the house?

Erm, I'm not sure is my pathetic answer to all of those questions.:p Apart from money will not always be an issue as I will at some point inherit their investments.

We already have a son and are not planning on having any more.

elsien wrote: »

All this says to me is it really isn't worth it. You've not been great with money and this will stretch you further. What if one of you loses your job?
Life's too short for all the potential complications and fallings out and living in a house that's less your family home and more a memorial to your parent's taste.
Plus if your wife's not keen and her wages are a large factor in the equation, don't you think you should be taking that a lot more into account than you seem to be at the moment.

No, I've not been great with money. The reason my wife isn't keen is because it wouldn't be "her house" and my parent cannot stand her family (didn't really approve of her until a time after we married).

FatVonD wrote: »

But he's going to inherit it at some point so will have the same set of problems as now but have a huge tax bill on top which may entail the house being sold to settle it?

I'd soooooooo go for it, (even if I could only afford to heat one room ) but I love big houses.

Regarding tax avoidance, I'm more disapproving of you (OP) not paying your debts yet saving towards full and final settlement figures but that's another thread entirely :rotfl:

:rotfl: I suppose I love big houses too.

I suppose you could say I'm a chip off the old block regarding tax avoidance, so long as it's not illegal, eh?