Husband just left after 28 years!

jinty246

Post removed

petrol-head

just wanted to offer hugs xxx I have no real advice to give except to suggest looking on wikivorce for the financial aspects of things

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

I'm sorry for the breakdown of your marriage. It sounds as though your husband never really stopped seeing the other woman, but you've probably worked that one out for yourself by now.

The important thing to do now is get some legal advice. Most solicitors offer a half hour consultation for free and this should give you some idea of how your finances are going to look post divorce.

Will you be filing for divorce or him? Do you support yourself financially? or have you been a stay at home parent?

Also recommend taking a look at wikidivorce like the other poster said.

Lunar_Eclipse

Sorry to hear about your situation OP. You must be feeling a wide range of emotions right now.:o

My suggestion is to give yourself/him time. I think your husband is probably feeling stressed and confused about what he wants; the redundancy appears to have come at a very bad time.

I second the suggestion of speaking to a solicitor, when/if you feel ready, to give you an idea of financials.

Look after yourself.

Lunar_Eclipse

jinty246 wrote: »

he feels he has destroyed things here by his affair and doesn't see any way of fixing things.

Depending on your thoughts regarding the future of your marriage, only the two of you can deal with this. I would respectfully suggest it has nothing to do with your children, although of course they are entitled to their opinion on his behaviour.

Many couples survive an affair. Some supposedly even thrive after it. If you don't feel things are destroyed, or think they could be salvaged, I would communicate that clearly to him, but letting him know what you expect moving forwards if you both decide he should return.

kelpie35

Sorry I don't have any financial advice to offer.

How do you feel about taking him back, if like you say, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

How do your children feel about the situation?

I don't think you should use them to relay information about what the other is feeling as that might cause more problems in what you decide is best for YOU.

I can only send you ((((((((((hugs))))))))

pmlindyloo

Have a good read of this as it covers most things:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_relationship_problems_e/ending_a_marriage.htm

If you can avoid getting solicitors involved (costs a small fortune) then please do. A Mediation Service (if there is one in your area) can be much cheaper and really useful if things remain amicable.

Having said that it seems that this may just be a 'blip'. How you deal with that is up to you. We all have different viewpoints. Having an affair is a no no in my book but some people seem to cope.

Interested me to read your comment about grass being greener and actually it's brown and scruffy. Does that mean you would accept him back?

If you feel that way I would take this opportunity to give myself a make over and show him what he's missing!

You seem to be very independent and 'together'(hope you don't mind my saying so) which makes me suspect that you might be open to rekindling your relationship or be able to cope magnificently on your own!

pinkteapot

Just had to say how truly sorry I am. My parents split up under near-identical circumstances after almost 30 years.

I would second the advice above to get advice from a solicitor before agreeing to any sort of financial split. Don't agree to anything he suggests on that front in the meantime. I know you're in a terrible state of shock and don't want to hear this, but you have to look after your own long-term interests.

A solicitor doesn't have to cost the earth, and they'll also help with all the necessary paperwork. My mum had a solicitor, my dad didn't, so there was no warring between the two of them. Mum took advice about the finances, dad went along with what she suggested (not saying that was best for him!). Solicitor also did all the legal stuff. Solicitor bills only rack up if you let them wrangle on your behalf for ages over the financial split.

My mum got through it, and you will too, in time. x

Rummer

What a shock, I hope that you have people around you to support you.

As for entitlement I think you would be best contacting a solicitor. Often you get a free initial consultation however even if you have to pay a fee the peace of mind will be immense. Finding out all the facts about your finances is important too so I would obtain/print copies of current statements etc so that you have the information to hand.

This still leaves things open however it means you are prepared if you need to start making decisions. Most importantly though take care of yourself.

spacey2012

He Sounds a right Kevin.

BJV

So sorry. Can not really say anything except that I hope if anything ever happened to me like this I am not sure I would be able to deal with it the way you have.

Just take time and think about what you want. Forget everyone else and think about you. What is best for you.

If the legal route is the best way fine, but if working it through is best fine. I don't think any of us can judge. Being with my OH for over twenty years myself I can not imagine how strong you have been.

Really hope what ever happens you are ok.