Did you get over the heartache?

Chlorine7

I've had a lot of mates ex's 'find themselves' and I don't really understand it. It's hard to deal with. I'm still pretty upset about being older and single again but I'm definitely going to look into trying to meet new people etc.

I'm feeling slightly more optimistic today. I'll have to get used to the Leeds night-life again I think once I can get my mates out. We never used to go out that much with my work and his work. If anyone has any good suggestions for some nice places up here let me know and maybe I'll give them a try once I can face people.

bagpussbear

Chlorine7 wrote: »

I've had a lot of mates ex's 'find themselves' and I don't really understand it. It's hard to deal with. I'm still pretty upset about being older and single again but I'm definitely going to look into trying to meet new people etc.

I'm feeling slightly more optimistic today. I'll have to get used to the Leeds night-life again I think once I can get my mates out. We never used to go out that much with my work and his work. If anyone has any good suggestions for some nice places up here let me know and maybe I'll give them a try once I can face people.

Glad you feel a little more optimistic today. It will feel strange for a while while you establish your own routine again. Don't feel like you have to get out there and do the night life or clubbing thing soon, just when you feel up to it (I never felt like getting back into the clubbing scene!). Maybe a nice meal out on a Friday night with some friends to start with, Leeds has lots of restaurants to choose from. Nice bit of shopping on a Saturday in the centre with a friend, followed by a yummy latte and cake - think of all the nice things you can do now :-)

Also have a think about any new interests you'd like to start, places to visit, opportunities to meet people. What sort of things do you like?

I found that keeping busy, and doing different things, sometimes when I didn't feel like it, helped me forget about things, and moved me on emotionally.

Skintski

Get yourself out there and spend as much time with family and friends as you can. I found work a huge help when I split with my partner as it kept some routine in my life. I spent my weekends with mates and slowly but surely things began to feel more normal and I missed him less and less as I settled into my own new routine.

We owned a house together and my initial reaction was to run away and go home (I'd moved away to be with him) but sat tight for several months, eventually made the decision to buy him out and once I'd decided what was right for me having taken the emotional side out of the equation it suddenly became a business decision and the rest was easy.

I was 28 when we split up, 3 weeks before my 30th birthday when I was quite happy just toddling along being me I met a friend of a friend. We get married in 6 weeks and I've never been happier.

I always thought I would be married with kids by the time I was 30, that was my life plan but it didn't pan out but I wouldn't change it for the world.

tayforth

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Yes. I thought I never would. And then I did , in my late 30's and we're now married and very happy.
Breaking up/having your heart broken really is awful:(. Hang on in there: fortunately, you still have good time to meet someone and have children: better break up now than 35/6 . Not that that diminishes the misery you feel at the moment :grouphug:

*ahem* I'm 35, soon to be 36, and I separated from my ex-husband six months ago. So 30 is very young still! Life's too short to 'make do', as someone else said.

meritaten wrote: »

No, you shouldn't think of them as 'failed' relationships! they are 'learning experiences'! You are not 'stupid' and you shouldn't feel embarrassed. relationships are not 'exams' you have to pass or fail! they are 'life experiences' and they help you grow and mature. You will learn from this, and who knows, the next relationship may be 'the one'!

:T

paulineb_2

I left my last long term relationship when I was 36 and apart from a few very short term relationships Ive not met anyone since.

I also dont have kids, but I dont sit back and think, oh I wish I had done this or done that, I left him when I was able to, I should have left before but I didnt.

You cant predict how life will be, I totally agree that making do isnt good for anyone.

Theres nothing wrong with being single, far better to be single and happy than coupled up and miserable and Im not saying people in couples are miserable, but some are. The same way some people can be single and manage well and other people seem to need to be in a relationship.

Ive also had my lonely times, really lonely times. Not just in my 30s and 40s but in my 20s, when a 2 year relationship ended very suddenly. We had friends in common that were my friends long before I started seeing him, but they were engaged to two of his and it was just too tough for me to go out and see him, particularly when he had a new gf and she was there also, I just couldnt do it and things were awkward.

But when I left my last long term relationship at 36, what I felt was, happy, even with the loneliness, I was happy, because that relationship was toxic.

And on the whole I'm still happy. I have a social life that I had to work hard for but I go out more than I did ten years ago. One of my exes is on marriage number two, hes been married twice in the last 6 years and he now has a child, do I envy him and his wife, not a bit.

When you know you arent happy and you know you arent being treated well, you can go into denial about how awful a relationship really is or was, Ive been there and done that.

But no matter how tough some times have been being single, I am far far happier than I was with my exes and I also know now what I wont put up with if I meet anyone in the future.

skintbuthappy81

I'm 32 and ended my 9 year relationship last year, it was the hardest thing I have ever done, we were engaged and had our own house but things just weren't 'right'.

Anyway since then I have cried a lot of tears, had plenty of sleepless nights and was even diagnosed with anxiety and depression but in all honesty it was the best thing that could have happened. Earlier this year I met someone at work (he was already a friend) and now I couldn't be happier.

Hang in there, it's tough but it does get easier.... and don't forget life actually begins at 40 so enjoy yourself :beer: