Did you get over the heartache?

Chlorine7

I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend after just over 6 years.

I don’t want to talk to my friends because I don’t want them to feel sorry for me.

I’m just over 30 now and have had my heart broken twice but this time is far worse than the first. We wanted different things in the end.He quit his job, which I supported. He then decided he needed to start again to ‘find himself’ and that we were in a routine and it was boring.

I was getting resentful that I was over 30 and the majority of my friends were engaged/married/had children and my boyfriend was unemployed

Anyway after all that, what I’d actually like to know is did people over 30 meet someone new and get married etc. after their heart was broken?

I’m aware there are far worse things to suffer in life but at the moment this is the hardest thing I’ve had to face.

whitewing

Oh yes.

I've been in relationships where we have ended up wanting different things at different times. It was hard at times.

I always knew that there was a moment there in the future that would change my life and it happened and I am married now with a young DD.

30 is still young now. You have plenty of time to meet someone, marry and still celebrate your diamond wedding anniversary if you are lucky.

Dimey

Sounds like your boyfriend had his own issues, nothing to do with your relationship.

Yes you'll get over it and I hope you enjoy making a fresh start without someone so needy and misguided holding you back.

I split from my husband after 25 years and had no interest in meeting anyone new. After the first 6 months of being numb, it took me a couple of years to get over the upset. I built a lovely life for myself. Then 6 years later I met a really nice man and we had a great time for 10 years.

I decided that I just didn't want to marry again or have anyone living with me. I love the life I created and I don't want to change that.

Brighton_belle

Chlorine7 wrote: »

Anyway after all that, what I’d actually like to know is did people over 30 meet someone new and get married etc. after their heart was broken?

Yes. I thought I never would. And then I did , in my late 30's and we're now married and very happy.
Breaking up/having your heart broken really is awful:(. Hang on in there: fortunately, you still have good time to meet someone and have children: better break up now than 35/6 . Not that that diminishes the misery you feel at the moment :grouphug:

wangdoodle

Sounds pretty similar to what I went through. I lived with my ex for 4 years, he was my life. But he sounds similar to yours in that he wanted to be a writer but lacked any motivation to go after what he wanted. He wasn't interested in marriage or commitment and it's something that's quite important to me, so I made the heartbreaking decision to walk away. It was hands down the hardest thing I've ever done. It really broke me and I thought I'd never recover.

It was 3 months after my 31st birthday and I really thought that was it, my chance at getting married and having a family had gone.

I moved in with some friends and, after a few difficult weeks, I just cracked on with my life. I enjoyed going out and being single, made lots of new friends, had some crazy times and just generally had an amazing year.

During this time I also did a bit of online dating, I met some lovely guys, some, er, interesting ones and some right A holes. Then, just over a year after walking away from my old life, I met my current OH.

We have been together just over two years now, we are living together and trying for a baby. Not married but at least now I have some hope!

I look back on my life with my ex and it's like it wasn't even me, if that makes sense. Without doubt I did the right thing. I am so much happier now than I thought I ever would be.

Don't ever give up hope. Look forwards with a positive attitude. Enjoy yourself, you're still young. And when you're ready, go out there and find what you're looking for; someone who really wants and deserves you.

Your ex sounds like he's all take and no give. I think you've had a lucky escape!

WD x

bagpussbear

Time is definitely a healer.

My ex hubby broke my heart, walked out on me and our son when he was 2. I didn't think it was possible to hurt like it actually did, so you have my sympathies :-( I was divorced at 30.

But, you know i ended up meeting my soul mate at 39, and married again when I was 41. The heart break feels a long time gone now, and it will again for you don't you worry.

Hang on in there honey, hugs to you.

meritaten

Time? well a lady I knew got married for the first time at the grand old age of 72! (I have no idea if she had relationships before that - I didn't like to ask!)

Pthree

Chlorine7 wrote: »

Anyway after all that, what I’d actually like to know is did people over 30 meet someone new and get married etc. after their heart was broken?

.

God threads like this make me feel so pathetic, I am 38 and have never actually been in love, I have cried over men, but never had that heart breaking pain that I have seen so many of my friends go through. In fact I have never had a relationship last longer than 6 months.

I blame Mills & Boon I read as a teenager, I have searched for 20 years for the punch in the gut, lightening strike, knee trembling man. I am starting to think they don't exist and I will die alone and be eaten by my 89 cats that I will have for company.

My friends simply say I am too fussy... I am starting to think they are right.

I think I may be feeling a little sorry for myself tonight :rotfl:

6feet

I broke up with my fianc! when I was 30 and I married my husband when I was 31 and 1/2. 12 years later still married with a DD who is 9 and a DS who is 7.

Concentrate on you and your career goals. You will meet the "one" when you least expect it and you aren't looking for him!

Hang with your girl friends, enjoy life, get comfortable in your own single skin. Remember you are a beautiful person with gifts to give to the world.

Be kind to yourself and look to the future. Take baby steps. You will achieve your goals.

Chlorine7

It's nice to hear people found happiness. I thought I did but I guess maybe the next one.

Thank you for your advice and stories. I know time is the only healer but I feel so stupid and embarrassed that I failed again. It's just this time I'm not 24 with lots of friends to go out with. I'm more gutted that I got here and I don't really have much to show for it.

I know 30 isn't that old but all I see right now is I'm alone and debating living with strangers in the hope of making new friends or into a studio where I can have a bit more dignity in my pain.

sweetme

Chlorine7 wrote: »

It's nice to hear people found happiness. I thought I did but I guess maybe the next one.

Thank you for your advice and stories. I know time is the only healer but I feel so stupid and embarrassed that I failed again. It's just this time I'm not 24 with lots of friends to go out with. I'm more gutted that I got here and I don't really have much to show for it. I know it all sounds so over-dramatic.

I know 30 isn't that old but all I see right now is I'm alone and debating living with strangers in the hope of making new friends or into a studio where I can have a bit more dignity in my pain.

You haven't failed. Look at it as not being an ending but a new beginning. Do things you want to do, with people you want to do them with. Like has already been said, time is a great healer. Don't look at yourself as a failure.