Did you get over the heartache?

Toto

You never know when you're going to meet the person you're meant to be with. I adored my ex, I thought we were going to be together forever, I was beyond devastated when he ran off with a 19 year old (he was 45, it lasted a few weeks).

I was at work one day and met the sound guy who seemed nice, we chatted a bit, he asked me out, I said no. We met again a couple of weeks later and he said, how about lunch. I thought, what the hell, a transition guy, that's what I need to pull me out of this funk. We joked about it, I made no secret of the fact I wasn't in the market for a relationship.

What can I say, he grew on me, we've now been together for 9 years, married for 6 and have a daughter together. I don't have that all consuming love that I had for my ex, nor do I want to. I have a really happy, easy, comfortable love which is built on trust and a shared goal to be happy.

I'll bet everything I own that your love story isn't over yet, it probably hasn't even begun.

FBaby

I had to wait until I was 38 to meet the man of my life. I fell madly in love with a boy at 16. He lived on the other side of the continent but that didn't stop me! We were way too young and emotionally disturbed to make it happen, but despite other relationship, he remained THE ONE. Then I met my ex, not the feelings I had for my ex, but he brought the security and commitment I had been craving for until I realised that he was but stable in every day life.

I had long given up meeting a man who would fulfill both my need for intense love and the security of a devoted and committed relationship. I had accepted that it just wasn't for me. He came into my life when I was at my lowest and lifted me up within weeks. 5 years later, we are now married and I am still as madly in love with him as I felt in the first weeks. He is 'the one' and I am so grateful we found me.

What is very telling is that we are both without a doubt that had we meet earlier in our life, we wouldn't have made it. We both had to mature in the areas of life we lacked maturity to be able to make our relationship worked. We met at the right time for us. Sounds very much like fate, maybe it really does exist!

dandelionclock30

He obviously dosnt want a career or a relationship with you. Everyone is different and theres plenty of people who dont want committment, marriage,children, good job,nice house etc. Some people just throw their cards into the air because they want to. Theres nothing wrong with that and not being into a conventional lifestyle. At least he told you.
Life often takes us off on different paths when we least expect it and this ex partner doesnt sound like hes the man for you at all.
All you can really do is try to do the things you want to do in all aspects of your life. Get out and meet different people, join groups and do things and have a good time. You have more chance of meeting someone decent by doing something you are genuinely interested in. Do things for yourself and all the things you want to do. You will soon be over him and not giving him a thought.

loveabargain13

Pthree wrote: »

God threads like this make me feel so pathetic, I am 38 and have never actually been in love, I have cried over men, but never had that heart breaking pain that I have seen so many of my friends go through. In fact I have never had a relationship last longer than 6 months.

I blame Mills & Boon I read as a teenager, I have searched for 20 years for the punch in the gut, lightening strike, knee trembling man. I am starting to think they don't exist and I will die alone and be eaten by my 89 cats that I will have for company.

My friends simply say I am too fussy... I am starting to think they are right.

I think I may be feeling a little sorry for myself tonight :rotfl:

Pthree fussy is a good thing! I'm very fussy! hehe

OP your only young, I'm 30 too at least as some of the others have posted that your not mid thirties and still in a rut. It is hard but time will get better.

Hayley11 I can't keep up with dating in 2013.... I just don't get it, probably why I'm single...

davenport151

Time to concentrate on YOU!
What do you like doing? You have the time and money for doing things that you possiblly would't have if you were married or had kids. You can be utterly selfish.
As others have said build up you career or work towards something you really want to do.
If family is what you really want it will come but this time is for yourself.

System

For me its always been a matter of living with it.

GenericUsername

kleapatra wrote: »

OP I can't tell you how much I know what you're going through. I split up with my OH of 5 years in February and quite honestly even now I can't imagine it getting any easier. I really can't imagine ever meeting anyone else and I can't even find a way of moving on when I'm still in love with him. I'm crying as I type this and like you can't even talk about to anyone without crying.
If you come up with any heartbreak cures please let me know :-)

Kleapatra, there is one cure for heartbreak and one cure only. Time.

My first girlfriend left me one week into our University courses. We went away together to University, very far away from home. I thought she was 'the one' and when my Dad told me I would be in love a hundred times before I was 30 I told him he was mad. One day she was there, the next it was over. I was 20 and heartbroken because we had been together 3 years. I had to see her everyday which made things very difficult, especially after a few months when she met a new guy. He was a long-haired hippy and she changed a lot. All I could do for a few months was lock myself in the dorm and cry, but slowly I made a few friends and started going out. It took a long time to feel 'normal'. One year later, I met another girl at University and we hit it off. Spent all our time together, fell in love, moved in together after university and I thought that was it for me. Four years in and it was all over when she met someone else whilst working on a UK lecture tour. They hit it off on the tour bus and he seemed infinitely more interesting than me at home. This time it was worse because I was 24 and felt like an adult. I was depressed for months and months. Didn't want to see anyone, hoped she would change her mind, the lot.

Six months later on a random night out I met my OH. She was also coming out of a stormy relationship and it was nice having the company of someone who understood. We became friends and it developed. Both of us knew it was nothing serious as we were 'damaged'. My ex then came back, told me she was sorry, it was all a mistake. Mr wonderful wasn't so wonderful when they returned to normal life. Could we try again? It was right at that moment that I realised I had met 'the one'. My OH. The person who was damaged like me. Turned out we weren't so damged after all. I told my ex it was too late and asked my OH if we could be the real deal. Luckily for me she said yes. 10 years and one beautiful son later we are happy.

But in those moments when I had been cast aside for whatever reason by my ex's it had almost been too much to bear. The cliches were true. Nothing felt right and nothing tasted, smelt or looked right. The world was too much. I spent a lot of time trying not to think and lying on the sofa ignoring the world.

It was only through the passing of time that things got better. Nothing I did helped. Only the passing of time. Maybe it is a good thing that there's nothing you need to do to make yourself feel better, but I know it is the hardest thing in the world. The waiting is the hardest part, but I can promise you (and I think others will agree) that one day you will feel better. I told my Mum this when her and my Dad separated and at the time she didn't think so. Now she reminds me of what I said all the time because now she knows it is true and it really helped her.

As for the ex's, sometimes I think of them and hope they have found what they were looking for.

There is one other thing which I think would be good. If you get a chance whenever you are ready read a book called 'Yes Man' by Danny Wallace (there is also a film with Jim Carrey, but read the book instead). He was stuck in a rut, just split with his girlfriend, didn't go out. Gave his friends excuses not to see them etc. Then one day he made a decision - for six months he would say yes to everything. Every offer of a night out, every email, every invitation. It changed his life in ways he couldn't have imagined. It is very funny, but I think there is a message there because it is all to easy to say no. But life will give you more of the things you want when you start to say yes.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Bazey

My !!!!!!!! ex split up with me last year after 7 years together. Completely d!cked me over with the finances and she moved to Pompey and started dating a paperboy. I didn't know whether I'd be able to afford my life in London anymore but I got myself a new flatmate, made various changes to the way I was living, and after a year I'm finally over that !!!!!.

I'm 35, feeling good about myself and ready to love again.

Keep your chin up. Stay positive and avoid arseh*les. Someone worth your time effort will come along soon.

newcook

I first had my heart broken when I was 15 and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let anyone close enough to break my heart again – and I did alright until I was 30 and my boyfriend who I was head over heels in love with dumped me. I think (and this is only hindsight) that a lot of the pain I was feeling was more a ‘woe is me’ as I was 30, single, no children and all of my friends were coupled up/married with kids! For quite a while I thought I would never have what they have.

3 years later I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man – next year we will be finding somewhere to live together and start a family.

You may not feel it at the minute but your pain will ease, you will think less and less of him and one day you will barely think about him at all!

Kleapatra – it sounds to me as if you need some closure from him/on the relationship. If I were you, I would write him a letter (but don’t send it!). change your living room around and get some new pictures on the walls so it starts to look and feel more like your home.

They reckon we sometimes grieve relationships as we would if someone had died – only with death you will never bump into them somewhere or hear about how they are/what they are doing (it really stung when I heard through a mutual friend that ex had got back together with the girl he was with before me and she was now 3 months pregnant – 5 months after I suffered a miscarriage of his baby).

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'm 40, and only started seeing a genuinely lovely guy this year. The rest have been variants upon your ex in one way or another.

You won't feel like it right now, but you've had a lucky escape from somebody who would reduce you to a shell of a person in the end.

Think of the freedom of not having to keep things together whilst he 'finds himself', or not having a baby that he then decides he isn't ready for and neglects, of finding out when you're 44 that he deliberately messed you around about children knowing that it'll eventually be too late for you, whilst he can still do it at any time in the next 30 years.

The best thing that could happen has happened now - you're free to make your own life - and that means when the right one comes along, you'll be able to see them and choose them, instead of letting them pass by because you were committed to somebody who quite obviously is not committed to you.

The only cure for being sad about a relationship not working is to laugh. Which means picking yourself up and doing things for you, rather than for an ungrateful teenager.