Did you get over the heartache?

Chlorine7

Pthree wrote: »

God threads like this make me feel so pathetic, I am 38 and have never actually been in love, I have cried over men, but never had that heart breaking pain that I have seen so many of my friends go through. In fact I have never had a relationship last longer than 6 months.

I blame Mills & Boon I read as a teenager, I have searched for 20 years for the punch in the gut, lightening strike, knee trembling man. I am starting to think they don't exist and I will die alone and be eaten by my 89 cats that I will have for company.

My friends simply say I am too fussy... I am starting to think they are right.

I think I may be feeling a little sorry for myself tonight :rotfl:

I'd currently give anything to not have the heart-breaking pain or lose the honeymoon stage but as they say 'the grass is always greener...'

Don't ever stop being fussy.

bluenoseam

Who needs the friends to go out with, when you feel ready to start get on a dating website & cut out the whole bar/club scene. At 30 you're still plenty young enough to find the right guy & settle down, you just need to present yourself well. That is to come across more as someone who's just not found the right guy, not "OK so I'm 30 now & want married last weekend!" cos that might be a bit scary!

Chin up, after all, it's the end of a relationship, not the end of the world!

meritaten

Chlorine7 wrote: »

It's nice to hear people found happiness. I thought I did but I guess maybe the next one.

Thank you for your advice and stories. I know time is the only healer but I feel so stupid and embarrassed that I failed again. It's just this time I'm not 24 with lots of friends to go out with. I'm more gutted that I got here and I don't really have much to show for it. I know it all sounds so over-dramatic.

I know 30 isn't that old but all I see right now is I'm alone and debating living with strangers in the hope of making new friends or into a studio where I can have a bit more dignity in my pain.

No, you shouldn't think of them as 'failed' relationships! they are 'learning experiences'! You are not 'stupid' and you shouldn't feel embarrassed. relationships are not 'exams' you have to pass or fail! they are 'life experiences' and they help you grow and mature. You will learn from this, and who knows, the next relationship may be 'the one'!

skateykatey

I broke up with my last bf after 5 years together as I realised it wasn't going anywhere. I was more like his mum than a potential wife and I just couldn't face a future like that. So, there I was, suddenly single again at 35 and back home living with my mum in my old(tiny) bedroom with all my stuff packed in boxes! It was pretty grim I have to confess. He bought me out of the house so I did have a bit of cash at least. After a year or so I decided to get back on the dating horse and met my now husband. We got married in January at the grand age of 41 and I can honestly say that I'm totally 100% content and so glad I was brave enough to walk away from the last relationship. It would have been so easy to stay and just make do for the rest of my life. To me, 30 is so young, it's a big world out there; grab every opportunity you can. Next time you get invited out, go, even if its something you don't really fancy. X

whitewing

The boyfriend before my husband dumped me. I still don't really know why and that made it hard. My friends all said, 'Oh no, what a shame, I really liked him', which made it even worse. I was deep down sad for a long time. I thought that he'd miss me and come back. He didn't.

My subsequent marriage is better because I don't take it for granted. (I didn't take the previous relationship for granted either).

I heard from the ex now twelve years later, just a connection on a social networking site. I wouldn't say that he hurt, just the situation itself did, and it has long healed but it is surprisingly sweet that he has thought enough to realise that it's me in a different part of the country with my married surname.

You haven't failed. As others have said, one part of your life has finished and others are about to start.

hollydays

I've been through horrendous things to find my true happiness.once you realise you don't NEED anyone else-everything else is a breeze,that's when the true you comes out, and you love your life-then people like your attitude to life and well.. Anything is possible.

wangdoodle

bluenoseam wrote: »

Who needs the friends to go out with, when you feel ready to start get on a dating website & cut out the whole bar/club scene. At 30 you're still plenty young enough to find the right guy & settle down, you just need to present yourself well. That is to come across more as someone who's just not found the right guy, not "OK so I'm 30 now & want married last weekend!" cos that might be a bit scary!

Chin up, after all, it's the end of a relationship, not the end of the world!

Having friends and fun and a life of your own is generally a bit more fulfilling and makes being single more enjoyable than say at home on a dating website focusing all your attention on meeting someone.

I met my partner online, but my friends and social life were the thing that got me through my break up and put the life and hope back in me, only then was I ready to meet someone

Spendless

Yes, I was 30 years and eight months when I started dating my husband, who I'd met originally as a teenager (he's a school friends brother). I had 3 serious relationships behind me, one that had lasted 4.5 years and a string of shorter term ones. We married 2 years later, had eldest child less than a year after that.

Pollycat

Chlorine7 wrote: »

Anyway after all that, what I’d actually like to know is did people over 30 meet someone new and get married etc. after their heart was broken?

I don't really fall into this category as I was married at age 20 (then divorced at age 32 and married again for 25 years - and still going ) but I just wanted to say that he sounds a bit immature and, despite how sad you're feeling at this moment, it's probably for the best.
In fact, he sounds a lot like my ex.

Don't push your friends away, they'll want to give you support and comfort through a difficult time.

Good luck for the future.

FBaby

It is hard psychologically to come out of a relationship in your early 30s because until then, you harbour the dream and hope that you would be getting married and starting to have children at that time. Instead, not only you find yourself not going that route, but that this route is going to be even longer because you've learnt how important it is not to rush it.

But although it might not be exactly how you imagined it would be like, of course you still have plenty of time and chance to make it happen. Maybe not exactly as it was in your dreams, but in a way that will make you much more fulfilled and happy then you would have otherwise have been.

All I can suggest is once you are over the worse of the sadness, instead of getting your mind stuck on what you are missing on, focus on what you do have. That is freedom and still being able to put YOU first, the things that most married women with young children miss most. Go out, look after yourself, discover places, people, new experiences. It is whilst doing this, happy, free and confident that you are most likely to find someone else most compatible with who you are.