Did you get over the heartache?

duchy

I married at 19 by the time I was 22 I realized we had very different goals and I left. I spent my twenties travelling and working hard at my career and met my second husband at 29 and married a year later- we split up eight years later but not before having our son and now at 53 I'm planning my third wedding and am really happy.

I'm still in touch with my first husband - the second turned into a bit of a loser after we split so I'm not.

Married three times sounds like a lot but although I've had other relationships I've only lived with a man properly once married.

TBH your ex sounds like a biit of a Mummy's boy with no real ambition or get up and go to get what he wants from life. Focus on you.....get out there and meet people -meetup is good for making new friends without the pressure of a dating site , broaden your social circle, do new things ...or even old things your last boyfriend wasn't interested in -and you'll meet new people who share your interests and that's how you meet the best partners. You have PLENTY of time .

Chlorine7

He did come with a lot of family issues and tbh I am glad that I won't have to deal with them ever again.

As for ambitious, he would class himself as ambitious. I think he has had everything handed to him.

I don't want to meet anyone new. It's hard having to tell them it's over, especially as everyone loved him and said he was perfect for me. Having to move is causing more stress.

Chlorine7

FBaby wrote: »

It is hard psychologically to come out of a relationship in your early 30s because until then, you harbour the dream and hope that you would be getting married and starting to have children at that time. Instead, not only you find yourself not going that route, but that this route is going to be even longer because you've learnt how important it is not to rush it.

This is exactly what I'm going through.

kleapatra

OP I can't tell you how much I know what you're going through. I split up with my OH of 5 years in February and quite honestly even now I can't imagine it getting any easier. He was (and still is) the love of my life and one day, completely out the blue he just left me, we'd been happy, didn't have any fights and were in the middle of buying our first house together. I still even now don't know the reason for him going, I'm 99% certain depression (on his side) was a factor but maybe I'll never know. I'm 33 and this was the man I was certain I was going to be with forever and be the father of my children. Everyone keeps telling me it'll get easier but I'm still waiting. I have friends but they're all married with children and I genuinely don't know opened one singe person and I'm really not a pub/clubbing kind of person. Unlike you I'm still in the house we shared (I bought it before we met) but as it's full of 'our' stuff I'm not sure this is even a good thing and I can't afford to move on my own.
I really can't imagine ever meeting anyone else and I can't even find a way of moving on when I'm still in love with him. I'm crying as I type this and like you can't even talk about to anyone without crying.
If you come up with any heartbreak cures please let me know :-)

Chlorine7

kleapatra wrote: »

I really can't imagine ever meeting anyone else and I can't even find a way of moving on when I'm still in love with him. I'm crying as I type this and like you can't even talk about to anyone without crying.
If you come up with any heartbreak cures please let me know :-)

If I found a cure, I bet I'd make a lot of money.

hayley11

Hi OP

You will feel better, it takes time but you'll get there. I'm 30 also, my husband cheated on me and we broke up 6 months ago, we'd been together 7 years. Even now, I feel sad about it. I miss him, I miss our life, we didn't fight much, we got on well, we'd made plans for the future and he just ripped it all to shreds in the blink of an eye for a girl he barely knew. But then at the same time he was a liar and a cheat (cheated on me 3 times altogether, I knew about one, didn't know about the 2nd then I found about the 3rd and kicked him out) and his lies and deceit literally sent me crazy to the point where I didn't leave the house. So I know i'm better off without him but it's still very hard.

It's hard starting again, I can't really be bothered with it at the moment, I liked being settled and not having to worry about the whole dating scene. I am absolutely dreading my first christmas on my own and keep bursting into tears thinking about it But I know it's just another hurdle to get over and then i'll feel better afterwards. I was dreading our second wedding anniversary which was only three after we broke up but I was suprisingly fine that day so maybe Christmas won't be as bad as I think.

Don't put any pressure on yourself to feel better or to get over him, just feel what you need to feel and keep telling yourself it WILL get better, because as hard as it is to believe right now, it will get better. I find keeping myself very busy helps, I live alone and work from home so I could get very isolated but I make myself go out every day or somebody comes round to see me so I don't get lonely.

Hope you're okay xx

hayley11

On the going out/socialising front, my friends are shacked up with kids and find it hard to get out as much as i'd want to now, so I joined a MeetUp group, I then started my own in my local area and i'm meeting some people tomorrow, it's scary but i'm determined to get out, make new friends and start having a life again. It might be too soon for you to start thinking about things like that, but MeetUp is a really good place to start when you are ready.

DigForVictory

Of course it hurts - it should do - part of your hopes and dreams have been ripped out & stomped on. However, the pain does ease off, and then both healing and anticipation can felt.

Having to move is a real PITA, but a change of scene may help. A shared house, a studio, even back with parents - whatever you can sort quickly and affordably. Don't leave a parting note in cress seeds, or bleach, or whatever may seem like a dashed tempting idea at this time - a bit of diginity will stand you in very good stead. Keep fantasy where it belongs - where it adds entertainment to life and harms noone.

Sure you had more friends handy at 25, but they've not *all* emigrated to the Falklands. Better still, noone's stopping you from trying *anything* new other than you. So go for it - line dancing classes, lindyhop, Scouts, Church - a limiting factor *may* be the change of address for the CRB check, but people do move.

Do a stock take - what skills have you got?
(If that goes against the grain, What's on your bucket list?!)
If you were to draw up a SoA now, just how poorly off are you in comaprison with all these married-with-kids folks? And what do you plan to do about it?
What are you planning to tell your employer & have they any workplace counselling or compassionate leave or the like (if either of those would help - and for moving, a bit of midweek leave is usually a godsend as well as moneysaver.)

"feel so stupid and embarrassed that I failed again" - what? Your boyfriend made a bunch of bad decisions - This Is Not Your Fault! You've stayed sensible & worked - he's done the self indulgent "finding himself" and the devil take the consequences. (It so rarely involves unearthing a nicer person & usually is a pretext for how much damamge can I 'excuse' with a single phrase.)

So, focus on moving & exams & then rebuilding yourself.
Come back here, any time you need virtual friends to cheer you on!

Alchemilla

You have had a lucky escape from this man child.
He would not be much use with babies.
I married a similar manchild when i was 28. By 31 he had left me with a 3 month old baby.
I have three now, and a man who is my intellectual better, which i find so sexy, and also amazing in the horizontal sense.
Chin up honey, look up stacey kent on you tube the best is yet to come and play it every day and loud. Xxx

marisco_2

I think that people have an amazing capacity to survive almost anything, especially emotional turmoil. Some of the best advice I was given sounds harsh but works, and that is to "fake it till you make it". Meaning get on with life, get out of bed each day, eat, work, socialise etc. The end of a relationship with someone who meant so much to you is always painful, but in time it becomes easier to deal with accepting that that part of your life is over. Move forward gradually and try to be strong for the sake of continuing to live a happy and productive life. Eventually at some point you will realise you have started to feel better, you may not even notice when this change occurs. If you obsess over the loss of a relationship though, your square focus on it won't allow you to enjoy life and make the most of it.