Reality finally dawns!!

yummybutgrumpymummy

Moneymash wrote: »

The thing is, it is difficult for people to be able to help and support you when you have left out very important information from your first post.

I assumed you wanted help with debts, but could only see one loan repayment. Why don't you start again with a full, frank, and honest post about your past, and current situation and where you would like to be in the future. Then perhaps you will get the help you seek.

I obviously dont understand how this all works

Dimey

yummybutgrumpymummy wrote: »

I tried to be as honest as i could to start. This is hard and i obviously have filled things incorrectly but i didn't expect to be dragged to the cleaners. I am sure there are genuine people out there to help... But people just judged. I am more upset now for admitting my problems on here and trying to seek advice than before

The way I read the comments is - its not you people are questioning, it's the government principle where anyone can earn £2k per month in benefits. Some people are surprised, they can't believe its true so are asking questions. Its not that they don't believe what you are saying, they are trying to understand.

Then to widen out the discussion some people are comparing that level of benefits to what they earn. Nothing against you personally.

You've had some good suggestions for areas to cut back. What do you think about saving on newspapers, coffees, eating/ drinking out etc? If not entirely eliminating, then cutting down?

Would there be any grant or benefits for paying your son's daily taxi bills. Its obviously essential he gets to his day centre. If you got financial assistance with that then you could afford to postpone your driving lessons.

If you buy a car you'll add a lot more expense at a time when you really cant afford it eg. Cost of the car, insurance, tax, MOT, servicing, maintenance, breakdown repairs, fuel. I'd suggest you look to avoid all that for the 3 years you estimate it will take to get back on your feet again.

Dimey

With regard to your Sky package. It might be worth your while researching going to Freesat. That won't cost you anything per month. You might be able to use your existing Sky dish and box to receive Freesat.

If you move to a provider like Plussnet or Talk Talk your broadband will reduce to less than £6.50 per month (£3 in some promo offers) and your phone line rental to around £9.50 per month. Your mobile phone to £7.50 per month mobile phone contract.

Edit: Just a thought. Your loan repayment seems modest and do-able. Have you forgotten any other debts you have to pay off? eg: Do you have to make any payments to your bankruptcy agreements or from the previous partner's debts?

Scritti

yummybutgrumpymummy wrote: »

I have decided that this site has done nothing but ridicule me. I honestly came here for help!! I have worked since i was 17 yrs old and was made redundant 2 yrs ago. I care for my son and trust me if i could just walk into a job that allowed me regular time off when my son has hospital appts or melt downs so bad he can't get up the next day i would take it!!

Sky tv was taken 6yrs ago and i never thought about reducing the package ad it includes the internet and phone which i do need!!

What is the point of people being on a forum to support each other when u don't take the time to understand

Well, now that that's cleared-up, I'm sure there are many people on here who will have loads of really helpful advice.

I will say, though, that it's all very well getting upset at people having a pop at your level of benefits but perhaps it would have been an idea to mention your disabled child in your original post?! Surely you understand that many people visiting a money saving forum would be on low pay or even minimum wage and, as stated, get less than you do even before the grasping government take their (un)fair share.

My ex is a carer of an autistic son and I understand the emotional struggle this is - it's a full-time job in itself and a hugely draining one at times that gives you almost no "time off" so I get why you would take offense. My advice is to put this all down to lack of communication and forget it and lets all move past it and let these people try to get your finances sorted.

Please don't leave the site just because of a slight blip at the outset. I promise you the knowledge these guys have WILL get you sorted if you take their advice.

Just by reading some of Martin's wise words and the words of loads of people on these forums, I've knocked thousands off of my debt in the nine months or so that I've been visiting this site and will soon be debt-free after a decade and a half of making stupid mistakes and messing up time and time again. I'd really like the same thing to happen to you as I have first-hand experience of the kind of thing you're going through so please, please get over this blip, don't leave the forums and let these people help you. I know it can feel exposing to reveal your finances to everyone but they really can make a huge difference if you are willing to really look at your finances, give up a few luxuries and, eventually, take pleasure in cutting back wherever you can and putting as much as possible into killing off that miserable debt.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you stay with this!!

yummybutgrumpymummy

Dimey wrote: »

The way I read the comments is - its not you people are questioning, it's the government principle where anyone can earn £2k per month in benefits. Some people are surprised, they can't believe its true so are asking questions. Its not that they don't believe what you are saying, they are trying to understand.

Then to widen out the discussion some people are comparing that level of benefits to what they earn. Nothing against you personally.

You've had some good suggestions for areas to cut back. What do you think about saving on newspapers, coffees, eating/ drinking out etc? If not entirely eliminating, then cutting down?

Would there be any grant or benefits for paying your son's daily taxi bills. Its obviously essential he gets to his day centre. If you got financial assistance with that then you could afford to postpone your driving lessons.

If you buy a car you'll add a lot more expense at a time when you really cant afford it eg. Cost of the car, insurance, tax, MOT, servicivg, maintenance, breakdown repairs, fuel. I'd suggest you look to avoid all that for the 3 years you estimate it will take to get back on your feet again.

I understand that it can be shocking when u see the amount bunched together like that and honestly half the time i agree that its nite an incentive to return to work for some people.

I kept a diary for two weeks and averaged my costs over that. My driving test us in two weeks however i never intended to jump straight in to getting a car. If u add the amounts for transport and driving lessons i think i would still prob be the same. In regards to "funding" for my sons taxis... He doesn't qualify as he is in recipit of Dla but we are only in the process of statementing and without this there is no help.

yummybutgrumpymummy

Dimey wrote: »

With regard to your Sky package. It might be worth your while researching going to Freesat. That won't cost you anything per month. You might be able to use your existing Sky dish and box to receive Freesat.

If you move to a provider like Plussnet or Talk Talk your broadband will reduce to less than £6.50 per month (£3 in some promo offers) and your phone line rental to around £9.50 per month. Your mobile phone to £7.50 per month mobile phone contract.

Edit: Just a thought. Your loan repayment seems modest and do-able. Have you forgotten any other debts you have to pay off? eg: Do you have to make any payments to your bankruptcy agreements or from the previous partner's debts?

I currently have talk talk tv phone and internet this at the moment it relatively cheap the tv package itself is 15 per month. I don't have the movies or sports. As i was doing the budget it said if u pay for a package group it together under tv/cable... I did this surely others have done the same?

I have other debts that i did add on as i do not currently pay them. As u can see im already overspending and thought it would be a good idea to get help and advice from people who had been there.

yummybutgrumpymummy

Scritti wrote: »

Well, now that that's cleared-up, I'm sure there are many people on here who will have loads of really helpful advice.

I will say, though, that it's all very well getting upset at people having a pop at your level of benefits but perhaps it would have been an idea to mention your disabled child in your original post?! Surely you understand that many people visiting a money saving forum would be on low pay or even minimum wage and, as stated, get less than you do even before the grasping government take their (un)fair share.

My ex is a carer of an autistic son and I understand the emotional struggle this is - it's a full-time job in itself and a hugely draining one at times that gives you almost no "time off" so I get why you would take offense. My advice is to put this all down to lack of communication and forget it and lets all move past it and let these people try to get your finances sorted.

Please don't leave the site just because of a slight blip at the outset. I promise you the knowledge these guys have WILL get you sorted if you take their advice.

Just by reading some of Martin's wise words and the words of loads of people on these forums, I've knocked thousands off of my debt in the nine months or so that I've been visiting this site and will soon be debt-free after a decade and a half of making stupid mistakes and messing up time and time again. I'd really like the same thing to happen to you as I have first-hand experience of the kind of thing you're going through so please, please get over this blip, don't leave the forums and let these people help you. I know it can feel exposing to reveal your finances to everyone but they really can make a huge difference if you are willing to really look at your finances, give up a few luxuries and, eventually, take pleasure in cutting back wherever you can and putting as much as possible into killing off that miserable debt.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you stay with this!!

I honestly thought i had mentioned it... But i had written it on my profile not the post. I was upset and yes people have made some good suggestions im not disputing that.. Things i will look at... But some people didn't ask questions they just let off steam... Maybe not directly at me but still this was a post about my situation.
I kept a diary over 2 weeks and estimated the costs from there. Eating out May be a little over the top because there were circumstances in those weeks. But still.
Holidays and xmas seem a lot but when u break it down 900 for a year its prob about as cheap as we will get for our situation.

yummybutgrumpymummy

yummybutgrumpymummy wrote: »

I currently have talk talk tv phone and internet this at the moment it relatively cheap the tv package itself is 15 per month. I don't have the movies or sports. As i was doing the budget it said if u pay for a package group it together under tv/cable... I did this surely others have done the same?

I have other debts that i did add on as i do not currently pay them. As u can see im already overspending and thought it would be a good idea to get help and advice from people who had been there.

This should say " other debts i didnt addon" not did

lizzy23

OUCH that was uncalled for!!, have to say i am also a higher rate tax payer, and in these circumtsances if you can find someone to give her disabled son the care she is giving him for 30k then please come forward with your suggestions, because full time 24hr care if she didn't do it would probably cost us as higehr rate tax payers double,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

bargainbetty

yummybutgrumpymummy wrote: »

Holidays and xmas seem a lot but when u break it down 900 for a year its prob about as cheap as we will get for our situation.

I work with a disabled person, and make no comment about the benefits you receive - it is your business.

However, my comment about your mindset stands. It is not 'as cheap as you will get'. Until you are in a better position financially, you cannot afford a holiday (it is not a right, it is a privilege) and Christmas should also be cut to suit your cloth. You don't have to spend that much money. You just don't. Talk to family members about reducing present exchanges and ask for clothes/practical gifts for your children (vouchers for music lessons etc). Stop buying for adults. Your mindset needs to change.

Your expenditure on coffee, newspapers, clothes, driving lessons etc can all be reduced. Your food bill can also be reduced. Once your arrears are paid on electric, water etc, your expenditure will reduce. This has nothing to do with benefits and everything to do with your spending choices.

I'm sorry if you feel put upon. Lots of people come on here expecting warm and fuzzy and those of us who have been on here for a while and dragged our backsides out of debt know that while lovely, that simply doesn't work. Sugar-coating things won't help you.

I wish you and your children nothing but health and happiness.