Going "halves"

Bluegreen143

Have to chip in and say my fiance always buys a seperate gift for my mum, and if we all chip in for something big, he pays too (so does my sister's fiance, so it ends up being even, but before she met him we'd split three ways).

Just wanted to give another perspective, BUT I am aware that the OP's situation is more normal as per other posters' opinions.

The reason we do it our way is because (seemingly unusual for men!) my fiance absolutely loves choosing and buying presents, he's very generous and thoughtful with gifts, not just for me but for his own family, mine and also friends. It gives him a lot of satisfaction to pick the perfect gift out and see the recipient's face when they open it, and as he gets on really well with my immediate family, he likes to buy them gifts from himself. (It is something I love about it though as the more frugal partner it slightly makes me panic at how much he spends at Christmas! But then I wouldn't want him to be any different really )

It works out that he buys separate presents for my mum, stepdad and sister and I do just put his name on the card for other more random relatives - likewise, I buy his mum something separate and his brother, and just split in with him for others/where we go to wedding etc. Works for us!

persa

A gift for a mutual friend would be three ways.

For the mum? 50:50. Let's face it, if the sister and BIL divorce, he won't be buying the mum any presents. He's a token name on the card, the present is from the two women.

Lunar_Eclipse

Saturnalia wrote: »

that a couple is classed as a single person for bill-splitting purposes?

Yes, which is fine when no-one else is involved.

If three people go out for dinner and two of them are married, the bill should be split 3 ways and not 2. If I go out to dinner with my husband and a friend, one of us will pay for both of us - but two thirds of the bill. I think sometimes people find it hard to see the logic in this when it's a larger group of singles and couples (although I've never understood why.)

In this case of a gift for your mother, I'd say it should be split 2 or 3 ways. Either makes sense.

Lunar_Eclipse

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Often? In our relationship, and also in our respective families, a married couple counts as one unit for bills, or anything else.

Yes, one unit, but in proportion to whatever is consumed. If it's a meal out, two people typically consume more than one, so need to pay accordingly, which can be as one unit (ie by 1 person) if they like though.

Sometimes people mix the two things up.

nimbo

globalds wrote: »

presents like this - yes . I would expect the couple to be classed as half as you are.

But if you ever go for meal ..get him to pay his share.

entirely what I would say.

I don't buy my MIL a separate gift but may make her a litle somethong to go with the gift my boyfriend gets her - which has my name on the tag. (His name goes on the tags of the gifts I give too)...

Toto

Well, my husband hasn't purchased a gift for his family in years, I do it! We buy a gift for them from us as a couple. I agree with the majority here, 50/50 split.

paulineb_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'd expect it to be thirds. It's from 3 people... it's 1/3rds.

I actually agree. The OP is paying £60 and the other two are paying £30 each, I can see why the OP is cheesed off. Just because people are married and by assumption have other people to buy for doesnt mean that single people also dont have other birthday presents to fund either.

And tbh, the reaction of no, we are paying £60 between us and you are stumping up £60 on your own too bad would have made me feel like my feelings werent being taken into account.

If it had gone the other way it would have been £80 between the couple and £40 for the OP but at least every person contributing to the present would have paid the same. And if that wasnt an option either, Id have left them to buy something themselves and bought something else to the value I wanted to buy.

Id probably have bought a present for the mum on my own.

Toto

paulineb wrote: »

I actually agree. The OP is paying £60 and the other two are paying £30 each, I can see why the OP is cheesed off. Just because people are married and by assumption have other people to buy for doesnt mean that single people also dont have other birthday presents to fund either.

And tbh, the reaction of no, we are paying £60 between us and you are stumping up £60 on your own too bad would have made me feel like my feelings werent being taken into account.

If it had gone the other way it would have been £80 between the couple and £40 for the OP but at least every person contributing to the present would have paid the same. And if that wasnt an option either, Id have left them to buy something themselves and bought something else to the value I wanted to buy.

Id probably have bought a present for the mum on my own.

So when both daughters start having children do you start dividing it up by how many kids they have too? After all the gift will then be from more people. I'd either buy individual gifts or just divide it between the daughters.

krlyr

Toto wrote: »

So when both daughters start having children do you start dividing it up by how many kids they have too? After all the gift will then be from more people. I'd either buy individual gifts or just divide it between the daughters.

Yes, I'd view the sister's OH as a token name on the card.
"Love from Janet, Karen & Bob" just as much as "Love from Janet, Karen, Bob, Susie and Bobby Jnr", or "Love from Karen & Scruff the dog, Karen & Bob" - the name doesn't imply the payment split (wish my two doggies would pay their way otherwise!!).

OP and her sister agreed to go halves, the cost was split in half, it's not cost her any extra. I think my family would find it a bit odd if my OH's name wasn't signed on cards/gifts - the only exclusion really being Mother's Day/Father's Day.

aileth

I agree with your sister. The present may also come from her partner, but it's effectively a big present from her two daughters. 50/50 split is fair. Me and my husband are counted as 'one entity', e.g. people always buy a gift that covers us both in one for christmas.

When me and my sister have split for mum/dad's birthday, we've always gone 50/50. When my OH and his brother have split for theirs, they always go 50/50.