Going "halves"

Saturnalia

Odd one here, and I wondered what you lot with your wise heads would have done/said?

My mum has a big birthday coming up. For a few months now, my sister and I (her only 2 children) have been batting ideas around for what to get her and finally settled on the right gift. We'd agreed to go halves, she'd been to arrange it and the other night we were chatting. I asked her how much I owed and she told me, I agreed to transfer the money today when I was paid, and the conversation went on. I asked what her husband had got for our mum, and she said he was joining in on our gift.

So I said then, if the gift was £120 and 3 of us were buying jointly, it's only £40 each. She said no, because she and her husband are a couple.

So I took the coward's way out and agreed to pay the £60, and did so today as promised. My reasons were that a) that is about what I would have paid for a present for my mum if I'd been buying on my own; b) I supposed that had I had a partner, I could have put their name on the gift tag and paid their share and mine myself too; c) I agreed months ago to go halves so I'll stand by that and d) most importantly of all, I'm not going to argue with my sister over £20. No way.

Is this normal etiquette, that a couple is classed as a single person for bill-splitting purposes? I really wouldn't know. But I have the feeing that, while it isn't rip-off of the decade, it isn't exactly fair shares either?

whitewing

We would go halves in this present-giving situation.

mummyroysof3

When my mum turned 50 we bought her a camera and paid half each. I would think it strange if my hubby was expected to chip in seperatly but then all our money is seen as joint.

bunty109

I wouldn't be expecting my partner to go thirds on a gift for my mum anymore than I'd go thirds on a gift for his mum. I think halves is right to be honest.

clairec79

I would go 50/50 - if it wasn't for the fact that we are together he wouldn't be in a giftgiving relationship w2ith my mother

Torry_Quine

I would expect a present to be from both members of a couple, it would seem rather strange for a husband to buy his own gift for his mother-in-law. You agreed to go halves and when the agreement was made is when you should have discussed this surely.

globalds

presents like this - yes . I would expect the couple to be classed as half as you are.

But if you ever go for meal ..get him to pay his share.

pink_princess

Yes it is normal etiquette.

Brighton_belle

well, I see where you are coming from OP - your sister and DH have 2 incomes coming in and less expenses going out most probably (based of 2 living cheaper than 1)
I imagine all conversations with your sister were based on what you and her as your mothers daughters were going to get her.

However, I think you have done the right thing to not make as issue of it and spoil the whole thing. I know my married older siblings in this situation when I was single always ensured they paid a bigger share, but not everyone has that amount of thought for those on their own/less income.

CH27

It's normal etiquette.

sukysue

50/50 in our family too and we wouldn't even think about it. Taken as read.