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Going "halves"

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Comments

  • *max*
    *max* Posts: 3,208 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    It's completely different to a restaurant situation where everyone is actually eating their own share. I understand it's maybe difficult to grasp if you haven't been in that situation before though. It's happened a couple of times that my brother suggested a gift that was out of my budget if split two ways, so he/they paid more towards it than I did, because he/they have a bigger disposable income with joint incomes than I do. But he always offered to pay more because he knew that, I never had to ask, it was just a given. There has never been any resentment on either side, ever, over who pays what. And I hope there will never be. I find that kind of pettiness within immediate family very depressing tbh.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,551 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Saturnalia wrote: »
    Wow, so this is how things usually work?

    Yup. You live and land learn. :)
  • Honestly, no resentment here. I've already paid the half-share and didn't press the point. I was just a bit confused as I've never been in this situation before and I didn't realise this was the norm. I though this place was a good place to ask as you lot have seen it all and done it all (at least, I'm yet to read a question on here where at least one poster hasn't been there done that)!
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  • maman
    maman Posts: 29,985 Forumite
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    Saturnalia wrote: »
    Honestly, no resentment here. I've already paid the half-share and didn't press the point. I was just a bit confused as I've never been in this situation before and I didn't realise this was the norm. I though this place was a good place to ask as you lot have seen it all and done it all (at least, I'm yet to read a question on here where at least one poster hasn't been there done that)!

    I think the best analogy I read was the Christmas/birthday card one. So your mum gets two cards: one from you and one from sis and BIL together. Same applies to her present.

    No logic compared to eating out but much more tactful!;)
  • I would expect to go halves as in the gift is per family, not per person. So if I were buying with my brother it would be a 50/50 split despite me being single and him being a family of 4.

    However, what we often do is each contribute the amount we would normally spend, so for example if a gift was £70 then my brother would put in £30 and my sister and I would put in £20 each because that's what our budgets are for family gifts. My sister is also a family of 4 but all of us have different incomes/outgoings and none of us make a fuss about it.
  • krlyr
    krlyr Posts: 5,993 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    maman wrote: »
    I think the best analogy I read was the Christmas/birthday card one. So your mum gets two cards: one from you and one from sis and BIL together. Same applies to her present.

    No logic compared to eating out but much more tactful!;)

    Yes, I think it's a bit different to your houseshare/meals out/etc. comparisons. I don't think there's one method that suits every shared situation.

    Effectively, the way I'd look at it, he's basically signing his name on the card. Whether he's paid your sister £30 or not is prettty irrelevant - if he has, I imagine she'd give him £30 towards a present for his mum on her birthday so it would cancel out. Therefore it's likely it's cost her £60, you £60, and her OH has just got a bit of credit on the gift because he's 'part' of the couple as an entity.

    You were going to go halves anyway so it's cost you no more, I can understand that in principle if he wants his name on it he should pay towards it but I'm sure your mum will appreciate the gift anyway, regardless of who's claiming "credit" for getting it.

    You may decide, as I have done with the whole 'going in on a gift' thing with siblings, the hassle isn't worth it in the future and just sort out your own gifts from now on. Took me a few birthdays/Christmases and then a few of them forgetting to pay me to come to that conclusion, but now I don't even ask - I can still find plenty of nice gifts within my budget and my mum appreciates them just as much, without all the hassle for me!
  • I agree with the majority. In this case, 50-50 is right. Maybe you'll feel better when you get them a joint Christmas present.
  • joansgirl
    joansgirl Posts: 17,899 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    A situation like this arose earlier this year for me. My mil had a big birthday and all the kids and grandchildren chipped in to buy an expensive present. There were 4 couples and 2 singletons so, being one of the singletons, I expected to pay 1/6. However, sil who was organising it said no, it's being split 10 ways. So we all paid £30. I thought this was odd at the time. I fully expected to pay £50. I didn't argue though, I was very MSE!!!!
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  • jellie
    jellie Posts: 884 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper
    I think a 50/50 split is fair for the gift as it's from the household, not the individual people.

    Eating out would be different - split would be per person.
  • Amanda65
    Amanda65 Posts: 2,076 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Saturnalia wrote: »
    I asked what her husband had got for our mum, and she said he was joining in on our gift. ?

    Would your BIL normally buy your mum a gift just from him? If not, why would you assume he would in this instance?

    I would find it very odd if it were being split 3 ways tbh - I would always add my husbands name to gifts and vice versa.
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