Would you invite?

Undecided2012

Hello all,

My partners parents sadly recently separated and are going through a divorce, her father has a new partner (which we believe has been going on for a long time).

I have never met said partner but my oh has a few times and her brother & girlfriend have too. Brother is engaged and is planning on inviting fathers girlfriend to wedding.

I have known my oh's mother for all of my life and thus know her very well (brothers gf only known since they got together so could affect view). I don't wish to have anything to do with fathers new gf as I am hurt by his affair (as is my girlfriend but she has put on a brave face the two times they have met).

Gf's mother is very hurt (of course) and gf's father didn't come to brothers engagement party as it was in martial home.

Basically we would feel completely uncomfortable inviting farthers new partner to our wedding. Do you think we 'have' to as brother is? His fianc!e's parents are divorced whereas my family are very close and everyone is together.

I'm not sure we could put oh's mother through it, we are also really hurt by fathers actions.

Wwyd?

Thanks everyone.

krlyr

I don't think you have to feel obliged to invite him just because the brother has.

For various reasons, I don't speak to my dad (or the girlfriend/kids either). I have my reasons, and my brothers know some of the story, but it's their decision if they still wish to maintain a relationship with him. Two of them still see him, one of them doesn't particularly go out of their way to see him, but it's completely up to them and it doesn't bother me what they choose.

Being invited to the same family do might be awkward - it's not happened yet - but I'm sure as adults we'd all manage it. But I'm sure none of my brothers expect me to invite him to anything!

honeypop

How long until your wedding? If it's very soon, I could understand everyone still feeling raw over this, if it's in about a year or mores time, it could all have settled down and you and partner feel more accepting of it.

What I am saying is, don't make a final decision now (and announce it) if your actual wedding isn't for quite a while as things will change in that time.

Undecided2012

Thank you both.

We aren't making any decisions, the wedding is over a year away just the brother has got me thinking. It's been over a year since the separation and since then I've seen the dad once (at Christmas) and gf seen him less than 5 times, we live 200 miles away.

Difficult situation, I don't think the mum & dad have seen each other in the past year either.

sulkisu

Undecided2012 wrote: »

Thank you both.

We aren't making any decisions, the wedding is over a year away just the brother has got me thinking. It's been over a year since the separation and since then I've seen the dad once (at Christmas) and gf seen him less than 5 times, we live 200 miles away.

Difficult situation, I don't think the mum & dad have seen each other in the past year either.

In your opening post you say they separated recently, then you say it is over a year, which is far from recent.

Nobody knows what goes on in another couples marriage, so my personal view is that unless you know the ins and outs of your partner's parents relationship, you shouldn't be taking sides. You are calling it an affair, although you admit that you don't know that it was one. Perhaps the fact that you have known her mother your whole life is colouring your view.

Undecided2012

sulkisu wrote: »

In your opening post you say they separated recently, then you say it is over a year, which is far from recent.

Nobody knows what goes on in another couples marriage, so my personal view is that unless you know the ins and outs of your partner's parents relationship, you shouldn't be taking sides. You are calling it an affair, although you admit that you don't know that it was one. Perhaps the fact that you have known her mother your whole life is colouring your view.

It has been a year which I still see as fairly recent.

We do know, it has been suggested by both sides. It's just no one has literally said "we had an affair" it's a unspoken truth.

Caroline_a

Undecided2012 wrote: »

It has been a year which I still see as fairly recent.

We do know, it has been suggested by both sides. It's just no one has literally said "we had an affair" it's a unspoken truth.

So you don't really know. Cause and effect... to be honest, I think that what you should do is let your OH decide. After all they are her parents, not yours.

Undecided2012

Caroline_a wrote: »

So you don't really know. Cause and effect... to be honest, I think that what you should do is let your OH decide. After all they are her parents, not yours.

We do.

Yes of course, but it's our wedding

fabforty

Undecided2012 wrote: »

It has been a year which I still see as fairly recent.

We do know, it has been suggested by both sides. It's just no one has literally said "we had an affair" it's a unspoken truth.

Even if there has been an affair, I would be very surprised if you and your girlfriend know all the intimate details of their marriage - so it's always best to keep out of it. As your girlfriend is 'putting a brave face on' and it is her father, plus your wedding will be two years after the separation, I suspect that she might want her father there - in which case you would be better off remaining neutral, than taking sides.

Ultimately 'yes' it is your wedding, but you posted to ask people what they thought, when to be honest it sounds like you have already decided.
Good luck with it anyway.

Undecided2012

fabforty wrote: »

Even if there has been an affair, I would be very surprised if you and your girlfriend know all the intimate details of their marriage - so it's always best to keep out of it. As your girlfriend is 'putting a brave face on' and it is her father, plus your wedding will be two years after the separation, I suspect that she might want her father there - in which case you would be better off remaining neutral, than taking sides.

Ultimately 'yes' it is your wedding, but you posted to ask people what they thought, when to be honest it sounds like you have already decided.
Good luck with it anyway.

Apologies, there's no question of her father not being invited - just the partner.

I've known the father for as long as the mother too, just feel it would be too painful for gf's mother & gf & me.

Appreciate all opinions, thanks!

CH27

So if your future MIL meets someone new before your wedding wouldn't be invited either?