Really concerned Mum

sulkisu

BJV wrote: »

I am not and have never been in your position and hope to god i never am. The fact that you are asking your help means that you care. That you want to sort it out.

There are lots of people her who will be able to offer real practical advice and help. Sorry I can not but i just wanted to say stay strong DO NOT let him have them!

You will be flooded in a few minutes by people wanting to help. So please stay strong.

Threads like this always concern me, and comments like the above leave me cold. In the absence of OP explaining (or even saying) that the father is an unfit parent, why should their children not live with him?

Dividing their time between two homes, must be unsettling and confusing and their father has just as much right to want them to stay with him, as OP has to want them with her.

When you say 'brainwashing', what exactly does that involve? Do you mean that he has asked them if they want to stay there permanently or is he emphasising the positive aspects or living with him? I wouldn't call that brainwashing. Have you asked them outright what they want? If they say that they want to live with their father, would you accept it?
Are you sure that they are not saying the same thing to their dad - i.e. I wish we could stay here? They wouldn't be the first children in this position to tell the respective parents what they think they want to hear.

sassyblue

If your children would honestly rather be based with you l think you should get legal advice too this week to know what the next steps are (if you don't know already).

Good luck x

tattycath

sulkisu wrote: »

Threads like this always concern me, and comments like the above leave me cold. In the absence of OP explaining (or even saying) that the father is an unfit parent, why should their children not live with him?

Dividing their time between two homes, must be unsettling and confusing and their father has just as much right to want them to stay with him, as OP has to want them with her.

When you say 'brainwashing', what exactly does that involve? Do you mean that he has asked them if they want to stay there permanently or is he emphasising the positive aspects or living with him? I wouldn't call that brainwashing. Have you asked them outright what they want? If they say that they want to live with their father, would you accept it?
Are you sure that they are not saying the same thing to their dad - i.e. I wish we could stay here? They wouldn't be the first children in this position to tell the respective parents what they think they want to hear.

Totally agree with this.

FatVonD

If the worst happens is it out of the question for you to relocate?

spamalot

FatVonD wrote: »

If the worst happens is it out of the question for you to relocate?

This is a really irresponsible piece of advice, please don't listen to this OP. Despite how you feel about your ex, your children still deserve to have their father in their life and running away with them is not putting their best interests first. At the end of the day they are his children too and I think that gets lost in a lot of threads on this board.

It must be horrible having all this going on, maybe the best thing to do is to let the dust settle and then have a calm rational conversation with your children to get to the bottom of how they really feel about things.

Wishing you all the best.

Treevo

spamalot wrote: »

This is a really irresponsible piece of advice, please don't listen to this OP. Despite how you feel about your ex, your children still deserve to have their father in their life and running away with them is not putting their best interests first. At the end of the day they are his children too and I think that gets lost in a lot of threads on this board.

It must be horrible having all this going on, maybe the best thing to do is to let the dust settle and then have a calm rational conversation with your children to get to the bottom of how they really feel about things.

Wishing you all the best.

I took that post to mean that the OP could consider moving closer to where her children would be living. I don't know how you could reach the conclusion you did for that post.

spamalot

So sorry FatVonD!! I completely misunderstood your post, my bad! I thought you were advocating picking up sticks and moving away BEFORE he got the kids. As in if he went for full residency formally then scarper, Which would explain my reaction. I'm not ashamed to admit when I'm wrong!

I shall go and sit in the naughty corner :o

Sorry

Mojisola

lala9 wrote: »

Please help, what can I do if my ex partner is attempting to brainwash my children into living with him and moving their school 30 miles away.

They have just started year 7 in a new school

Rather than moving from a school they are just settling into, wouldn't it be better if the father moved nearer the school?

squirrelchops

Hi OP

I am Social Worker and although I don't work for the Courts I do have a lot of dealings with contact disputes.

I am of the opinion (which is shared by colleagues) that 50/50 shared contact only ever really works when things are amicable between parents as so much communication needs to take place to make this plan work.

50/50 is hard on children and young people and I find that quite often, as the child gets older that they will vote with their feet regarding contact.

Vicky123

Do you have any idea why after years of 50/50 care he suddenly wants them to live with him? Has he moved? Sorry if that's already been answered.