Really concerned Mum

lala9

Please help, what can I do if my ex partner is attempting to brainwash my children into living with him and moving their school 30 miles away. They have just started year 7 in a new school and I am very worried for their wellbeing. At the moment it is a 50/50 split and has been for years now, one week at mine and one week at his, but I’ve had to live with being undermined and bullied with regard my parenting, when I am doing nothing wrong. I feel sick and worried and trying to stay strong, but who can I talk to, how can I stop this happening. I have never seen my children so confused and upset as I did last night, it’s gut wrenching to witness. I have a meeting with their school later today to let them know what is happening to ensure they get support from school. An awful lot has happened in the past which is too much explain on here. But I am basically dealing with two control freaks who look for every opportunity to put me down, its draining, they need to be stopped, I won’t let this go on any further, I fear losing my daughters when they need me most at such a crucial time in their life.

Desperado99

I have no useful advice, but I couldn't read and run I'm sure others will come along with some excellent resources.

(((((hugs)))))

BJV

I am not and have never been in your position and hope to god i never am. The fact that you are asking your help means that you care. That you want to sort it out.

There are lots of people her who will be able to offer real practical advice and help. Sorry I can not but i just wanted to say stay strong DO NOT let him have them!

You will be flooded in a few minutes by people wanting to help. So please stay strong.

lala9

Thank you so much, it's mean alot that you give a little support, as you can imagine I'm feeling somewhat fragile right now x

whitewing

Isn't one week on, one week off an awful lot of travelling for them during school term?

If I understood it correctly, I can't see how that is going to work going forward at High School level.

lala9

Indeed Whitewing, the travelling is not good. I live 2 mins drive from their new high school, I can drop them off or they can walk. Although I have been given an ear bending for my decision to let them walk home from school together.

Gigglepig

Can you book mediation/counsellig sessions with your ex, to discuss your differences in parenting style?

Do you already have a signed, formal agreement with your ex, and have access to legal advice?

If you have any parenting issues (it is normal to have difficulties with something, right? No parent is perfect.) health issues etc. which your ex might use to your disadvantage, now is the time to address those and to seek help if needed. It will make it harder for him to undermine you if you can demonstrate that you are very much on top of things.

However. It must be very tiring for the children to move back and forth 50-50. It is natural that at some point, they may wish to instead live with one parent. It might also be that a different school can offer better opportunities. So i would not dismiss it out of hand.

lala9

I have tried mediation in the past and he will not participate. I have a parental responsibility agreement in place. I have to pay for legal advice which is costly but if I have to do it then of course I will, as I did before. I have no issues which would cause problems which he can use against me. I have had relationship issues in the past which he jumped on. But been in a steady relationship for 3 years now and we live together and he provides as much support to them as I do. Only last week they were saying to me they wish their base was with me and that they didn't have to go there, something has clearly been said to change this.

Caroline_a

I had to live with this. I moved back to be near family after a year of doing the 'week here, week there' with my ex. He appeared to be in full approval of me moving with my daughter and her sisters, but once we moved he went for residency of my daughter. It was a total nightmare, but I fought hard, defended myself in court, and eventually my daughter ended up with me.

What I didnt realise that my girls told me many years later was that my daughter hated the 'week here and week there' thing. She felt that she didn't have her 'own' home or her 'own' room, although it's often thought that children have the best of both worlds with this arrangement. Once she was 'with' me, she settled down a lot more, and despite my ex telling her 'You want to live with me, don't you', the judge recognised that she would better with me and her sisters - and she was.

OP, I hope it all works for you <<hugs>>

Mojisola

lala9 wrote: »

what can I do if my ex partner is attempting to brainwash my children into living with him and moving their school 30 miles away.

They have just started year 7 in a new school and I am very worried for their wellbeing. At the moment it is a 50/50 split and has been for years now, one week at mine and one week at his, but I’ve had to live with being undermined and bullied with regard my parenting, when I am doing nothing wrong.

I feel sick and worried and trying to stay strong, but who can I talk to, how can I stop this happening. I have never seen my children so confused and upset as I did last night, it’s gut wrenching to witness. I have a meeting with their school later today to let them know what is happening to ensure they get support from school. An awful lot has happened in the past which is too much explain on here. But I am basically dealing with two control freaks who look for every opportunity to put me down, its draining, they need to be stopped, I won’t let this go on any further, I fear losing my daughters when they need me most at such a crucial time in their life.

Read up on domestic violence - https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence
"All forms of domestic violence - psychological, economic, emotional and physical - come from the abuser's desire for power and control over other family members or intimate partners. "

If you think this applies to you, talk to someone at Women's Aid.

Abuse doesn't always stop when the relationship breaks down.

double_mummy

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/online-advice/emotional-abuse/emotional-abuse-a_wda87104.html

get the kids away from him they are 12/13 ish and should be able to make their own decision is there anywhere that they can go that is non biased for a long weekend or something? maybe something like the pgl holiday thing and ask that when they get back they make a decision as to where they want to live most of the time

if you dont want to do this get them someone non biased to talk to is there any counselling available through the school?

talk to the nspcc and womens aid

ring the school now and request that the EWO is present at the meeting

i would go for full custody if thats what the kids want and have every other weekend contact with dad

some basics need dealing with as well who has their passports and documentation? who is allowed to pick the kids up from school? do the kids do activities after school who can collect them from there? who is in receipt of child benefit? who is paying maintenance to who?