Really concerned Mum

Gigglepig

I feel sorry for these kids - it sounds like they are under pressure from both parents to live at theirs. They may very well tell both parents what they wish to hear.

Prothet_of_Doom

What is stopping you sitting down with the children, and getting them to list thier worries, about the situation, and you explaining your worries, and telling them that you are concerned because Daddy is Very persuavive and is good at making people doubt their own views and beliefs, and say that if they write down what they believe, and keep it somewhere safe, they can always refer back to it.
They are old enough to be told that the ultimate decisions of their futures lay with them, and that the adults can only help by offering oppinions or helping to clarify what they really want.

whitewing

So, does your ex have to get them to/pick them up from school near yours - but a huge distance from theirs - each day on his weeks. No wonder they want them to be at a school near theirs. Not so much control freakery, more sanity saving for them.

I really can't see how week on, week off is going to do anything than stress the children so much that they choose one parent over the other simply to have a proper base and ability to see friends regularly.

kelpie35

If your children are saying they don't want to go and stay at dads every second week is there no way that you can have this enforced legally.

I am not suggesting they don't have any contact with their dad but that they stay with him say on a Friday to Sunday night.

I have no legal knowledge in this area but I hope for the children's sake that things can be worked out so that they enjoy their childhood.

lala9

My main issue is that I am worried they have been pressurised into saying they want to go to Dad's, he is very controlling and pausasive. Any they are worried if they go back on their decision they will be in trouble. I can't bear to loose them. I would love for my children to live with me on a more full time basis, but I don't want to put them under the same pressure as he.

elsien

So what have the kids actually said? Have they told dad they definitely want to live with him full time, or is it at the discussion stage.
I think maybe you have reached the stage where the kids need someone independent to talk things through with who they don't have to worry a out upsetting.
Then you can start to balance up what they are saying to you both, what they actually really want, and what is on their best interests which may be something different again.
You don't have to agree to anything at the moment, just reassure them that its ok to say what they think.

pukkamum

lala9 wrote: »

My main issue is that I am worried they have been pressurised into saying they want to go to Dad's, he is very controlling and pausasive. Any they are worried if they go back on their decision they will be in trouble. I can't bear to loose them. I would love for my children to live with me on a more full time basis, but I don't want to put them under the same pressure as he.

You need to make it very clear to them that any decision they make has to be what they want, not what they think you or dad want, and that you will support them.
Don't use the words bullying with regards to dad, this will confuse and upset them more.
Tell them that dads pressure is because he loves them but if it's not right for them they have to say so.
I too would get in touch with school, they should have a counsellor or a pastural care teacher who they can talk to without fear of upsetting you or dad.
Good luck, this must be heartbreaking and scary.

CH27

I'd talk to the school. There should be a pastoral care person who can support & listen to them.

lala9

Thank you guys, I really appreciate your comments, sorry I can't respond to them all right now. I'm off to the school shortly so will let you know what happens. I'm even scared about that as I don't want them thinking I am a trouble maker pointing the finger at the overbearing father. I'm simply worried about their state of mind, it frightened me seeing them like that last night.

whitewing

School should be used to dealing with situations like this, and at making the children the heart of the discussion. Good luck.