Really concerned Mum

CH27

lala9 wrote: »

Thank you guys, I really appreciate your comments, sorry I can't respond to them all right now. I'm off to the school shortly so will let you know what happens. I'm even scared about that as I don't want them thinking I am a trouble maker pointing the finger at the overbearing father. I'm simply worried about their state of mind, it frightened me seeing them like that last night.

How did you get on with the school?

Soleil_lune

Hope you get it sorted lala Good luck ...

lala9

Well I went to the school and they were really supportive. One of my daughters had actually visited sick bay that morning with a tummy ache, the nurse knew she wanted to talk about something, and she did. She told her that she was stressed as her dad wanted her to live and move schools to where he lives but it was ok now as my mum had said this is not going to happen. I really don't know what to do now, the school counsellor was telling me to basically be strong, I am their mother and I have right etc. He decided to relocate after years living in my town after he met a rather controlling partner. He told me a few years ago after they had had a split that her plan was to get full control of my children, she even got childrens services involved who sent me a letter saying that someone had told them I was not caring for them properly, which was simply not true. I need to give him a shot across the bows and warn him I will not stand for this. I feel the girls should be based full time with me, which will equip them to deal with high school life much better, but... I dont' want to do anythign that my children won't thank me form.

fabforty

lala9 wrote: »

Well I went to the school and they were really supportive. One of my daughters had actually visited sick bay that morning with a tummy ache, the nurse knew she wanted to talk about something, and she did. She told her that she was stressed as her dad wanted her to live and move schools to where he lives but it was ok now as my mum had said this is not going to happen. I really don't know what to do now, the school counsellor was telling me to basically be strong, I am their mother and I have right etc. He decided to relocate after years living in my town after he met a rather controlling partner. He told me a few years ago after they had had a split that her plan was to get full control of my children, she even got childrens services involved who sent me a letter saying that someone had told them I was not caring for them properly, which was simply not true. I need to give him a shot across the bows and warn him I will not stand for this. I feel the girls should be based full time with me, which will equip them to deal with high school life much better, but... I dont' want to do anythign that my children won't thank me form.

Stand for what exactly? You say that he told you this after he had split with the controlling ex, therefore this is no longer a threat, surely? Why do you need to warn him now?

Why would being based with you better equip them to deal with school life?

I don't think it has anything to do with 'I am their mother, I have the right..' as their father is entitled to say exactly the same thing. If the girls want to stay with you permanently, that should be easy enough to arrange - but only if it is what they want. As a previous poster said, they may be saying different things to both parents. Also, you said that one daughter has said she wants to stay with you, is it possible that the other daughter feels differently? That might also be a cause for distress.

Vicky123

Why does this woman want control of your children? Have they split permanently or is she back? She sounds like the poster on another thread here trying to get control of children. If she isn't in the picture then presumably it's husband who wants custody and not current girlfriend. I can't imagine 50/50 being changed through the courts in favour of parent who moved away from childrens school and friends unless there's more to it than that, he would have to give reasons, course when there are no reasons it would make sense he try's to get the kids to say it's what they want. Still begs the question why he isn't happy with 50/50, is there a financial incentive?

lala9

To clarify, he split with her in 2009, he had been going out with her for 2 years prior, during that period I was given loads of hassle, cutting off their long hair and ear piercing without my consent and against my wishes etc. After this split, he then told me she wanted to get them full time and to get me out of the picture which is why she reported me to childrens services. He then got back together with her a couple of months later they then married and relocated, and things got worse. My children told me the other day that she has always wanted them to be with them and be schooled in this town she grew up in and where her family are located. I don't doubt that he wants what is best for our children, but she is driving this obsession for wanting everything her way, she has him under the thumb. He still works in my area so can easily drop them off before work at the school, but he is tied to working in this area right now.

lucyfreem

Hope this helps a little..
My mum and dad are divorced and I lived full time with my mum, after an arguement one night me and my brother moved in with my dad.. We stayed there for just over a year but soon realised the grass isn't always greener on the other side and came home to mum! Although it was hard for mum at the time it worked out for the best as we were able to see how much our mum did for us, who knew washing and ironing took so much time.. I really hope in your case your kids stay but if they don't try to remember that they are still kids and just don't see it all.. it doesn't mean they love there dad more than you!! as an adult now I know my mum hated being away from us but it all worked out in the end. Maybe try sitting down with the kids and really listen to why they think it would be better at dads, for me it was that my dad have me more freedom, don't butt in when they are telling you even if it's he'd and maybe try to make a compromise.. I really hope this is of some help xxxx

FatVonD

spamalot wrote: »

So sorry FatVonD!! I completely misunderstood your post, my bad! I thought you were advocating picking up sticks and moving away BEFORE he got the kids. As in if he went for full residency formally then scarper, Which would explain my reaction. I'm not ashamed to admit when I'm wrong!

I shall go and sit in the naughty corner :o

Sorry

No problem and thanks, Treevo!

lala9

I am now considering/investigating a preventative steps order to ensure my children are not moved from their school, anybody have an experience of these.