living together before marriage

HeadAboveWater

Interesting thread....!!

Always brought up to be traditional (and therefore frowned upon if I didn't stick to the rules ), but life happens and times change.

Lived with an ex for a few years, but to be honest the relationship was never going anywhere anyway. As far as mum was aware it was a convenience thing coz of the location of my job (plus we had our separate bedrooms)

Currently living with OH, coming up on 2 years (and I have yet to tell my mum I'm moving out :rotfl::rotfl:)
Marriage would be the icing on the cake, but OH is not that way inclined considering how his first marriage turned out

Ms_Chocaholic

This_Year wrote: »

I lived with my first husband before we married; back in the 1980s. My mother was horrified as to what the neighbours/church friends would say.

She was even more horrified when I divorced him.

I've been living with my OH for a few years now; we do intend to marry but what with one thing and another it's not happened yet. My mother is as disapproving I believe.

I can remember my mum crying for weeks when my sister announced she was renting a place with her boyfriend. (early 80s)

74jax

heartbreak_star wrote: »

- what was the point in paying 2 shares of rent and bills?

HBS this made me smile as it was my OH's point for about 4 years.

When we first started going out he only rented as he had moved tot he area with work and didn't know if was going to stay etc.

He then started looking at buying a house and 'hinted' that we'd live together (ie he move in with me). That was met with a HUGE no no no no no no from me :rotfl:

he hand his notice in on his rented place and was due to move in to his new (purchased property) but there was a delay of 4 weeks......... he asked to stay at mine for 4 weeks and I said, yep you guessed it!

So he had to rent for a further month.

He then lived in his owned home for 3 years whilst I had my owned home too, I know it's weird and strange, but I wouldn't have given my independance up for anything, or anyone.

heartbreak_star

Oh believe me I'm thoroughly independent, I have my own money, friends, hobbies, and have enough socked away to rent a place should we split, but I have no wish to deny myself the pleasure of waking up next to my beloved every morning without having a wedding first

Each to their own, I guess...but that's it for me - I hate sleeping apart from him.

HBS x

DigForVictory

My grandmother attended the 'naming ceremony' of a great-granddaughter whose parents were not married. Her sole public comment was "how modern". It made even us younger granddaughters realise at least one Expectation had been shattered.

The wedding that comes after the baby I think is a pity, but I can understand the pragmatism when biology trumps planning. My lads know my views, even if they're not doing more than look at present!

I grew up with the Double Standard solidly in place - lads sewed wild oats, while remotely similar behaviour in lasses was called names. As long as the lads do not bring shame, embarrassment, name calling, venereal disease &/or unplanned offspring with them, after them or to my doorstep, I am quite prepared to stay in ignorance of exactly what they're up to. If they bring the "rewards of folly" home, may I remember being foolish myself & help both parties as much as I can.

Absolutely agree living together is normal now & (within reason) prudent. I'd rather they lived with 'the one' while they got their lives sorted & started so the wedding night had the main surprise of 'this is now legal!'.

duchy

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Me and H2B don't currently live together as his house needs a lot of work doing to it and I still work from home so logistics aren't that simple coupled with a load more other reasons.

We do live together at weekends and done so for the last 7 years it's just how we have go use to things. I will have to move in with him after the wedding and we're planning to do it house up and sell it.

Steph xx

To me that isn't living together ...as you aren't actually sharing a home.

I don't technically share a home with my fiance-although as I split my time between his home and mine -his neighbours assume I live there. By the time we get married I will have sold my house -but we may not have bought together -depending on timing of mine selling. Like Steph it's logistics rather than deliberate -but although I spend more nights under his roof than she does...I don't see it as living together even though he consults me on stuff -for example we went choosing paint today-and I have an equal say (even though I don't want it as -for now- it is HIS home not ours in my mind)

Gloomendoom

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Why, MSE, do you change e with an accent to !, it's really confusing!

HBS x

I agree. Baffling.

themull1

First husband - lived together first, then married.
Second husband - lived together first then married.
Third husband to be, living together first, then getting married.!!

FBaby

I'm so pleased that my husband and I lived together before getting married. I think it would have been a bit shock otherwise. Moving together has been the hardest part of the relationship because it threw us into the difficult situation of commitment and trust, on top of adjusting to each other's ways and habits. We had the biggest arguments during the first 12 months of moving in together. It wasn't so bad getting through them, learning about each other, and being in a position to decide if we wanted to continue in our commitment when we weren't married yet. By the time we decided to get married, we'd been through it and come out of the other side, knowing that we could trust each other facing difficult situations and knowing that we wouldn't run away from difficulties. I had a few moments when I doubted our relationship would last when we lived together, I started married life 100% confident that we would indeed make it forever.

cats2012

We lived together first, but actually only for 6 months before we'd got engaged. We'd had a lot of "where is this going" talks though, so we both new marriage was in our future. I think I'd be much more hesitant to move in if there was no hint that marriage was something we were heading towards.

I saw that last point in action when a friend of mine moved in with a guy who 12 months later said he wasn't ready to settle down and get married etc, he still wanted to move all over the place. Nothing wrong with that - but for some crazy reason he and my friend hadn't actually discussed it and it was the total opposite of what she wanted!!