living together before marriage

74jax

Just been away for the weekend with friends and I'm wondering if this is now the norm? And not living together is now unusual?

I was very against living with my OH until we were married, and mentioned this weekend that DD knows I'd rather she didn't live together until married.

Most were shocked and said you can't marry someone now without living together - I do see its easier to see how you live together (and if you can) before you get married.

Is it just accepted as the norm now?

HappyMJ

74jax wrote: »

Just been away for the weekend with friends and I'm wondering if this is now the norm? And not living together is now unusual?

I was very against living with my OH until we were married, and mentioned this weekend that DD knows I'd rather she didn't live together until married.

Most were shocked and said you can't marry someone now without living together - I do see its easier to see how you live together (and if you can) before you get married.

Is it just accepted as the norm now?

Pretty much normal now.

Torry_Quine

It's sadly pretty much the norm now.

This_Year

Far better to live together first and see if you're still as happy in real life with the realities of paying the bills, putting the bins out, housework, shopping, each others little quirks, habits and foibles which don't matter until one day they absolutely infuriate you... etc.

74jax

This_Year wrote: »

Far better to live together first and see if you're still as happy in real life with the realities of paying the bills, putting the bins out, housework, shopping, each others little quirks, habits and foibles which don't matter until one day they absolutely infuriate you... etc.

I understand that point but not sure I'd be happy if there was no intention of marriage.

I wonder when the shift in 'you don't live together' to 'you do live together' happened.

Do you think people nowadays are more likely to live together sooner then?

We had been going out 6 years and OH was wanting to move in. I said only if we're married. So we compromised on living together together for a year, with the understand if it worked after a year we'd get married. He proposed after the year and we then married this year (so 8 years of being together but just 2 of living together).

I totally appreciate there's no right or wrong, just wondered what the 'norm' was.

CompBunny

I think the norm is generally to live together first now. My friend and her fiance actually held off getting engaged despite being in a relationship for 6 years until they had lived together for at least 6 months to check that they were compatible as "housemates" too first!

H2B and I were students when we met so moved in together pretty much immediately and then a year later our first non student place together. It worked for us!

lika_86

I don't see why you wouldn't want to explore one of the most important aspects of marriage (ie. living together as a couple) and ensure that you are both compatible in that respect before actually committing to marriage.

Tiglath

74jax wrote: »

Most were shocked and said you can't marry someone now without living together

Of course you can, but most people don't.

Whattodonow

Definitely the norm. I guess the "not living together before marriage" dates back to the tradition of not sleeping together until you're married.

I would think that logically it's better to test if you're compatible in important areas of life before tying the knot... and then realising the person is impossible to live with and into a load of weird fetishes

Testing the water beforehand lends itself to happy marriages

In addition, lots of people aren't even getting married any more.

Sazzarella

I have lived with other bfs however the choice with h2b was to move in together or get married, couldn't afford to do both. We get married next year and will be looking for a place to move to a few weeks before the big day.

Tenyearstogo

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It's sadly pretty much the norm now.

Sadly?

Why?