living together before marriage

sharnad

It's norm now and much better to know what living with someone is like before you get married

Spendless

It was the early 90s when I last attended a wedding where the couple(s) had not lived together first, so I'd say living together has been the 'norm' at least amongst my circle for the past 20 years.

split_second

future mrs ss moved in less than a year after we got together, to be fair though we had known each other 2 years before getting together. from about 5 months after getting together we were always either in my house or her flat, we decided that about that time once her sister found somewhere to live we would share my house as there was no point selling a mortgaged house to share her rented flat. we expected her sister to have to wait years for the housing association to pull their fingers out, they took about 2 months, once she went we put the notice in on the flat which was 2 months.

my parents lived together first, albeit briefly, they had known eachother 6 months when they married in 1980 and are still together, my mum has already said she is in no position to say whats too soon lol

Gloomendoom

Mojisola wrote: »

Marriage is a civil arrangement which does give some legal protection to the two people involved and, regarding IHT, could save you money.

It's a shame the UK doesn't keep the civil and religious ceremonies completely separate like some other countries do.

That is a view based on your own prejudices. It is not a view shared by everybody.

Mojisola

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That is a view based on your own prejudices. It is not a view shared by everybody.

No, it's factual. For a marriage to be legal, it has to comply with the regulations set out by the state.

If the celebrant is not registered with the Registrar General, the marriage would not be legal no matter what religious ceremony had been conducted.

Almo

74jax wrote: »

Just been away for the weekend with friends and I'm wondering if this is now the norm? And not living together is now unusual?

I was very against living with my OH until we were married, and mentioned this weekend that DD knows I'd rather she didn't live together until married.

Most were shocked and said you can't marry someone now without living together - I do see its easier to see how you live together (and if you can) before you get married.

Is it just accepted as the norm now?

74jax wrote: »

I understand that point but not sure I'd be happy if there was no intention of marriage.

I wonder when the shift in 'you don't live together' to 'you do live together' happened.

Do you think people nowadays are more likely to live together sooner then?

We had been going out 6 years and OH was wanting to move in. I said only if we're married. So we compromised on living together together for a year, with the understand if it worked after a year we'd get married. He proposed after the year and we then married this year (so 8 years of being together but just 2 of living together).

I totally appreciate there's no right or wrong, just wondered what the 'norm' was.

I'm a bit confused. You lived together for 2 years before marriage, is that right?

Do you mean you draw a distinction between people who agree that they intend to get married (but aren't engaged) who live together, and those who move in together without expressing a desire to get married at some point? Would you be happy for your DD to follow your example or do you not want her living with someone at all before marriage?

I've been living with my partner for years. Marriage is not a priority for us, perhaps partly because for much of our relationship we lived in a country which had legal recognition of what one might refer to here as 'common law husband and wife'.

74jax

Almo wrote: »

I'm a bit confused. You lived together for 2 years before marriage, is that right?

Do you mean you draw a distinction between people who agree that they intend to get married (but aren't engaged) who live together, and those who move in together without expressing a desire to get married at some point? Would you be happy for your DD to follow your example or do you not want her living with someone at all before marriage?

I've been living with my partner for years. Marriage is not a priority for us, perhaps partly because for much of our relationship we lived in a country which had legal recognition of what one might refer to here as 'common law husband and wife'.

Yeah we were together for 6 years (not living together), then 2 years living together (one of them engaged). Then married.

My post was to find out 'the norm', just a curious musing as it were following a conversation I had with friends.

Not sure on DD, she's only young at the moment.

tatabubbly

I've lived with my OH for the last three years, before that we were both in university. Now we are engaged and we're saving for the wedding.

It would have been lovely to have old romantic notions about moving into our first house together, but for us, it wasn't practical to not live together!

So glad I have though, it shows how compatible we are in the long run...

heartbreak_star

I've lived with a fianc! and two partners now. With the fianc!, we were engaged shortly before we moved into a place - it didn't work out.

After that, I never thought I wanted to be married and lived with someone for 8 years (together 11) - what was the point in paying 2 shares of rent and bills?

Now I'm with Mr Right - 2 years and counting - and would love to marry him. We've lived together for a year and a half.

HBS x

heartbreak_star

Why, MSE, do you change e with an accent to !, it's really confusing!

HBS x