living together before marriage

Saveitandsee

i did it all backwards...

I lived with bf #1. Split after a year of living together.

I lived with bf #2. Two children and 4 years later, we split up.

Now on bf #3. Have a ring on my finger and a quarter of the wedding paid for. We don't live together.

Trixsie1989

I live with my partner and his mum and have done for a year, were not officially engaged yet (waiting for my ring) but were planning the wedding. We move into our first place in January and will marry the following January. I think the only person that said anything to us about living together before marriage was oh grandmother xxx

Prothet_of_Doom

Why did Mary, have to go with Joseph to Bethlehem ? They were not married only betrothed, but back in AD Zero it was usual for couples to live together for a year before marriage (without the sexual element of marriage), so that they could test the strength of the relationship.

These days, there are a number of factors in play.
1)The desire for the perfect wedding, requires 10 years to save up. 2) The inability to commit, legally to becoming one.
3) Hedging Bets

Old_Git

I think its the done thing now .The real complications come when the children arrive and you need to decide on a surname .

Skintski

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Bonkers or not, it's worked for us. Mrs G only moved in with me after we were married.

It worked for our parents and grandparents too.

I'm pleased its worked for you but back in the day not living together was more to do with religious beliefs which matter far less in todays day and age. I can understand the romance side of it all but I feel more comfortable personally knowing we can live together already.

Torry_Quine

Skintski wrote: »

I'm pleased its worked for you but back in the day not living together was more to do with religious beliefs which matter far less in todays day and age. I can understand the romance side of it all but I feel more comfortable personally knowing we can live together already.

Are you saying then that living together is to see if it works and if not then you go your seperate ways? Surely that makes the idea that it's equivalent to marriage wrong as although marriages can break down at least you start out with the intention that it's for life.

Skintski

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Are you saying then that living together is to see if it works and if not then you go your seperate ways? Surely that makes the idea that it's equivalent to marriage wrong as although marriages can break down at least you start out with the intention that it's for life.

I never said living together was the equivalent to marriage. I'd see living together as part of the build up.

I wouldn't want to promise myself to someone for life if I didn't eliminate a huge factor like whether we could live together. We were not engaged when we moved in but we decided to get married a year down the line. I liked knowing all the little idiosyncrasies and being comfortable with each other before committing.

I lived with my last partner and it didn't work out, we were not suited and drove each other up the wall by doing nothing but arguing. Thank god I had not married the guy first. In contrast, my current relationship is the easiest one I've ever had, it just works and living together helped seal the deal. We know each other inside out and that makes me happier than wondering what life will be like after the big day.

My parents didn't live together until after they were hitched either and they have been married 37 years but even that doesn't make me want to skip the step of moving in first. I don't expect anyone to agree with me, you have to do what suits you and this is what works for me.

Tenyearstogo

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Are you saying then that living together is to see if it works and if not then you go your seperate ways? Surely that makes the idea that it's equivalent to marriage wrong as although marriages can break down at least you start out with the intention that it's for life.

To me 'just' living together doesn't mean a relationship is any less valid than a marriage. Marriage is merely a legal acknowledgement of a permanent relationship. It isn't a requirement. (Personally I think religion is irrelevant to marriage).

I started out living with my partner with the intention of it being permanent but we didn't know that it would work it forever. We just hoped it would.

Do you think that people start out married life with the intention it's forever? I doubt they all do.

Mojisola

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

To me 'just' living together doesn't mean a relationship is any less valid than a marriage.

Marriage is merely a legal acknowledgement of a permanent relationship. It isn't a requirement. (Personally I think religion is irrelevant to marriage).

Marriage is a civil arrangement which does give some legal protection to the two people involved and, regarding IHT, could save you money.

It's a shame the UK doesn't keep the civil and religious ceremonies completely separate like some other countries do.

Torry_Quine

Skintski wrote: »

I never said living together was the equivalent to marriage. I'd see living together as part of the build up.

I wouldn't want to promise myself to someone for life if I didn't eliminate a huge factor like whether we could live together. We were not engaged when we moved in but we decided to get married a year down the line. I liked knowing all the little idiosyncrasies and being comfortable with each other before committing.

I lived with my last partner and it didn't work out, we were not suited and drove each other up the wall by doing nothing but arguing. Thank god I had not married the guy first. In contrast, my current relationship is the easiest one I've ever had, it just works and living together helped seal the deal. We know each other inside out and that makes me happier than wondering what life will be like after the big day.

My parents didn't live together until after they were hitched either and they have been married 37 years but even that doesn't make me want to skip the step of moving in first. I don't expect anyone to agree with me, you have to do what suits you and this is what works for me.

My comments were general rather than necessarily about your personal situation. The usual way of thinking is that there is no difference between marriage and living together other than going through a wedding. I'm genuinely interested that some people see it as a time to test the relationship before making the decision to marry but when do you really have enough information?

I do agree that it's up to the couple to do what is right for them.

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

To me 'just' living together doesn't mean a relationship is any less valid than a marriage. Marriage is merely a legal acknowledgement of a permanent relationship. It isn't a requirement. (Personally I think religion is irrelevant to marriage).

I started out living with my partner with the intention of it being permanent but we didn't know that it would work it forever. We just hoped it would.

Do you think that people start out married life with the intention it's forever? I doubt they all do.

I certainly think that the majority get married with the intention it's for life, to me it seems strange that you would marry and not expect it to last forever.

Living together is just as valid a relationship as marriage but only if entered into with the same sense of commitment. For some though it isn't even a permanent arrangement.