What would you do ? MIL question

Top_Girl

Edwardia wrote: »

Personally I'm not interested in SIL enough to feel the need to vent over her. I haven't seen her in a couple of years thankfully. Last time was at a party given by MIL and SIL managed to upset her mother and mine. MIL and my mother get along really well actually.

I also believe OH and his brother are on a hiding to nothing. MIL may complain about her daughter and granddaughter to OH but say nothing to daughter. I don't know and OH isn't sure.

The granddaughter gets a lot of material stuff but that's not a sub for a proper loving family. But she's not my relative and I don't get involved with them. I've had too much grief from MIL and SIL

You seem fairly involved and quite bitter.

With your logic. MIL isn't your relative either, your OH has borrowed money from a lending institution and should pay it back and move on.

Edwardia

Actually having been on the receiving end of so much hostility I feel I just don't need any of this. I'm continually being criticised.

Yeah I'm middle class and yes I had a wealthy father and yet I married a man from a council estate whom I'll love forever despite his awful family some of whom are criminals.

I've lived on soya mince five nights a week and crud Tesco value burgers and ended up with diabetes probably as a result.

I've lost four dress sizes by going low carb and got criticised for that. I went organic after discovering additives in Tesco pork chops. I get criticised for eating organic food though OH and I don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble and haven't had a holiday in years and more than 70,000 people have looked at the organic thread.

I buy nice things, yes. In sales for example shirt at TK Maxx reduced from 79.95 to 19.95.

It's a shame that when you pull yourself up out of bad debt you get criticised for not living on pot noodles to be able to smoke, drink etc - all the things OH used to do.

I'm gone.

BitterAndTwisted

What would I do? I'd pay it back regardless of what MIL says, or is alleged to have said. For a number of reasons:

1) It's the only decent and honest thing to do

2) If you don't, you risk being slagged off behind your backs to all and sundry just like your MIL does to your OH about your SIL.

3) If you don't, you'll be no better than the criminal, grasping and using SIL you appear to feel so superior to.

Person_one

What on earth are you expecting people to say to all this?

BitterAndTwisted

The SIL is trashy, the MIL has caused trouble in the past. Ergo, the money doesn't need to be paid back because they're all council-state working-class and the MIL will only give it to the SIL anyway.

Meanwhile Edwardia has gained the high ground and ain't coming down for anybody.

Dimey

Edwardia wrote: »

Actually having been on the receiving end of so much hostility I feel I just don't need any of this. I'm continually being criticised.

Yeah I'm middle class and yes I had a wealthy father and yet I married a man from a council estate whom I'll love forever despite his awful family some of whom are criminals.

I've lived on soya mince five nights a week and crud Tesco value burgers and ended up with diabetes probably as a result.

I've lost four dress sizes by going low carb and got criticised for that. I went organic after discovering additives in Tesco pork chops. I get criticised for eating organic food though OH and I don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble and haven't had a holiday in years and more than 70,000 people have looked at the organic thread.

I buy nice things, yes. In sales for example shirt at TK Maxx reduced from 79.95 to 19.95.

It's a shame that when you pull yourself up out of bad debt you get criticised for not living on pot noodles to be able to smoke, drink etc - all the things OH used to do.

I'm gone.

Edwardia, I haven't met you before on the Forum so know nothing of your background. I personally thought your post here explained the complexities of the issue very well.

I thought most folk answered what they'd do in honest straightforward style. I didn't read any criticism from the majority of posts. Hope you got food for thought for the problem.

Please don't be upset. I can see you have married into a family with different values and maybe different morals to the way you were brought up. That is tough to explain and live with sometimes. But you seem to have the balance right and you obviously care enough to try to resolve difficulties. Don't let things get you down. I'm sure you're doing fine.

HPoirot

Edwardia, your SIL is not a relative and you're not interested in her?
You could have fooled me, all I could see in the opening post was 'SIL does this that the other', which was muddying the water for the real issue which was: money asked, money lent, now money loaned not being paid back. Simples.

You won't have anything to do with MIL, you won't have her in your house, yet she gives the money outright then says to your OH spend the money on you two?

Why do you bring up that you are middle class, from a wealthy background, eat organic, buy nice things when you think you are being criticised? Are you saying that your organic food and nice things are more important than scrounging off your MIL's £500 whom you dislike?

I do want to be helpful but your logic beats me every time.

Vicky123

I think OP brought up her lifestyle choices because someone questioned them a few posts back.
I think the money has to be given back taking the description of MIL at face value, who wants a gift from someone that's always caused them problems?

paulineb_2

Edwardia wrote: »

Actually having been on the receiving end of so much hostility I feel I just don't need any of this. I'm continually being criticised.

Yeah I'm middle class and yes I had a wealthy father and yet I married a man from a council estate whom I'll love forever despite his awful family some of whom are criminals.

I've lived on soya mince five nights a week and crud Tesco value burgers and ended up with diabetes probably as a result.

I've lost four dress sizes by going low carb and got criticised for that. I went organic after discovering additives in Tesco pork chops. I get criticised for eating organic food though OH and I don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble and haven't had a holiday in years and more than 70,000 people have looked at the organic thread.

I buy nice things, yes. In sales for example shirt at TK Maxx reduced from 79.95 to 19.95.

It's a shame that when you pull yourself up out of bad debt you get criticised for not living on pot noodles to be able to smoke, drink etc - all the things OH used to do.

I'm gone.

You are being criticised by some people, but thats the chance you take when you start a thread, I take my hat off to anyone who does because sometimes you hear things that you really dont want to.

I dont know who you are referring to in the latter part of your post when you say you are getting criticised, whether its people on here or family, but personally, having lived in a council house all of my life I would absolutely hate it if someone spoke about me in the terms, Im dating someone who lives on a council estate despite being middle class.

Its when you say you were middle class and had a wealthy father yet you married someone who lived on a council estate. You married someone because you love them, where they lived is irrelevant and I assume you are making the point that you could have married someone wealthier but you loved your OH and married him despite his council estate background and his family and fair dos to you for going with your heart.

But as I said, Id absolutely hate for someone to talk about me like that. My first bf came from quite a lot of money, not that he saw any of it because his father was not flash with it. He went to a very ordinary state school the same as I did, I didnt even think of him being middle class or the fact that I lived in a council house and his family were wealthy. What Im trying to say is, that many factors such as poverty, social exclusion and just sheer lack of interest in what your kids are doing can hold many people back in life and yes there are estates where people dont do very much with their life and live on benefits, I currently live in such a place. But again, I would absolutely hate for anyone to date me and pull the, Im middle class and you live in a council house.

Because theres elements of the, I should have met someone with the same social status as myself. And we do judge people and we do label people, but you married him, you love him. The fact that he grew up in a council estate shouldnt be relevant to your relationship, thats just my view.

And if you've had a hard time from his family, Im genuinely sorry about that, but sometimes you do need to try and meet in the middle somewhere, if it doesnt work out, at least you know you made the effort.

aileth

I would definitely pay it back. Take the moral high ground, regardless of family 'dynamics' or X said X or it'll be spent on Y. It'll be hanging over your head otherwise