What would you do ? MIL question

marisco_2

I think your husband should repay his mum what she loaned him. As an adult it is up to her how she spends her money. He may not like that she could hand it over to his sister, or use it to cover food costs for her grandchild, but that isn't his call or concern.

To be honest I feel very sorry for the little girl who has a mum who regularly drops her with her nan whilst she goes off with her boyfriend, and an aunt and uncle who think of her as brattish and resent that she scoffs all the grandmothers food. What an awful way to view and refer to a young member of the family. It is not the child's fault that the mum doesn't provide better for her, or think to contribute towards extra costs incurred by the nan.

zagfles

sulkisu wrote: »

Wow.

I would repay your MIL the £500 that she loaned to your husband, and let her spend it as she wishes - ultimately it is her money (not your 'husband's hard fought for cash'), it is not up to you or your husband what she does with it. If she chooses to spend it feeding her grandchild, so be it. If she doesn't want to do this, then it is up to her to say 'no'.

Err, hang on a minute. The MIL doesn't want the money back, as the OP said several times. She said "no it's OK he should spend it on us".

So if the OP wants her MIL to "spend the money as she wishes", then she and her OH should keep it!

fabforty

zagfles wrote: »

Err, hang on a minute. The MIL doesn't want the money back, as the OP said several times. She said "no it's OK he should spend it on us".

So if the OP wants her MIL to "spend the money as she wishes", then she and her OH should keep it!

Yes, but the point that is being made (if you read the rest of SS post), is that the husband is happy to effectively accept a gift of £500 from his mother (if it isn't repaid it becomes a gift), but resents the fact this his mother spends money feeding her own grandchild or gives his sister money.

Doesn't that strike you as slightly hypocritical, especially as OP (post #6) herself states that a) he didn't need to borrow the money from his mother and b) he only did so because he knew that he wouldn't have to pay it back.

HPoirot

fabforty wrote: »

Yes, but the point that is being made (if you read the rest of SS post), is that the husband is happy to effectively accept a gift of £500 from his mother (if it isn't repaid it becomes a gift), but resents the fact this his mother spends money feeding her own grandchild or gives his sister money.

Doesn't that strike you as slightly hypocritical, especially as OP (post #6) herself states that a) he didn't need to borrow the money from his mother and b) he only did so because he knew that he wouldn't have to pay it back.

On top of which, he doesn't particularly want her in his house.

Lord, give me strength.

zagfles

fabforty wrote: »

Yes, but the point that is being made (if you read the rest of SS post), is that the husband is happy to effectively accept a gift of £500 from his mother (if it isn't repaid it becomes a gift), but resents the fact this his mother spends money feeding her own grandchild or gives his sister money.

Doesn't that strike you as slightly hypocritical, especially as OP herself states that a) he didn't need to borrow the money from his mother and b) he only did so because he knew that he wouldn't have to pay it back.

Yes, it does sound hypocritical. But so do all the replies which state "it's the MIL's money and it's up to her what she does with it", yet then advise the OP to repay it when the MIL has said to keep it! So it's OK for the MIL to choose to spend the money on the "errant" younger daughter, but not the OP's OH?

Come on, be consistent. Don't tell the OP the MIL can do what she likes with her own money, and then tell her to ignore the MIL's wishes for them to keep it!

thehappybutterfly

personally i would pay it back regardless of what you assume she's going to do with it. Its her money after all. I know its frustrating but its nothing to do with you what MIL does with her life. I had a similar but different scenario a while back. My MIL is in debt and has a DRO (something like that anyway), she was awarded about £7k ppi a couple of months ago. Did she pay off her debt? No. Did she get her elec and gas arrears up to date? No. Instead she blew it on redecorating and furniture and gave a substantial amount to her lazy abusive layabout son because "he deserved it". The rest of us were furious and gobsmacked but kept our mouths shut. Its nothing to do with us what she spends her money on. However, i aint helping her out again when she cant pay her gas bill again. Sad when you see elderly relatives used like that but hey.

thehappybutterfly

At least paying it back leaves you with a clear conscience. When it all comes to a head, and it inevitably will, you can say honestly that you pay every penny back when you do get money from mum.

paulineb_2

Give the money back, I think your conscience will trouble you if you dont even though shes said she doesnt want it

If your MIL needs support to deal with her offspring possibly your OH can assist with that

Or spend it on shopping and accept that the child will eat it. Shes possibly bratty because her life isnt that great, kids react in all kinds of ways to whatever is going on around them

And dare I say it and you can accept or reject this if you like, you may not want to hold out an olive branch to her after the way shes treated you, but if you do, it will make you the better person

Dimey

I'd definitely pay the £500 back to MIL with a little bit of interest and a bunch of flowers to say thanks.

I wouldn't want to be beholden to anyone, least of all people who are likely to talk about me or throw it in my face in the future.

Its true; what your MIL spends her money on is up to her. And if she wants to look after her grand daughter, that's her choice too. And probably a good choice for the grand daughter considering what you say about the child's mother.

In future I'd be polite and warm but I'd keep my distance.

Vicky123

I would give the money back asp, if they are as you describe then it will be you being discussed in a bad light, no matter your OH was told to keep it.
If your wrong about them then you will still have done the right thing.
I've had experience of someone close lending me money, not giving or even telling me to keep it but still told all and sundry how much they had helped me, inferring I got to keep the money:mad:
Give it back, forget how she spends her money.