What would you do ? MIL question

Dimey

Edwardia, just a quick point re your husband's employer. There are obviously alarm bells ringing about the solvency of this company. I would urge your OH to chase the outstanding expenses & back pay they owe him.

If they go broke next week and he hasn't been paid, he'll lose the lot.

I only mention this as I fell fowl of a similar situation and I was too trusting.

Edwardia

OH says that his mother told him that his sister asked for money. She said she was getting fed up with constantly being asked. MIL has two current accounts according to OH but doesn't tell daughter that she said. OH says this kind of implies she doesn't trust his sister. We don't know whether sister has been asked to pay it back or not. OH doesn't think she would pay it back regardless.

OH says obvious his mother not happy that's why he's going to talk to his brother. He may know more.

pink_princess

I am very shocked to read this thread!

You only eat or mainly eat organic. Ordered from online A grade companies, order clothes and furniture from top companies yet you need to lend £500!

Dimey

Edwardia wrote: »

OH says that his mother told him that his sister asked for money. She said she was getting fed up with constantly being asked. MIL has two current accounts according to OH but doesn't tell daughter that she said. OH says this kind of implies she doesn't trust his sister. We don't know whether sister has been asked to pay it back or not. OH doesn't think she would pay it back regardless.

OH says obvious his mother not happy that's why he's going to talk to his brother. He may know more.

Sorry to say that I think your OH will be on a hiding to nothing by speaking to his brother. If they end up speaking to the sister, there will be resentment amongst siblings.

Really the Mother has to deal with her daughter and all other siblings should stay out of the situation. Just give practical help while Mother gets fully well again.

If the Mother has given bank details to her daughter and is worried the daughter will take money without consent; then the Mother needs to change accounts and not tell the daughter any more information. Mother must learn to say No to daughter if that's what she wants to do.

Edwardia

From what his brother and brother's wife and other family members have told me OH's sister has always been a bit of a wild child headstrong type.

She has had a pretty er colourful past and the father of this teenager ( I think she's thirteen or fourteen) was/is a criminal. I have no idea whether he is in picture now. OH's siblings and cousins aunts and uncles etc have nothing to do with his sister.

I get the impression that there is some resentment towards the youngest daughter from her siblings yes.

The teenage granddaughter isn't my relative, she's my niece by marriage. She's my husband's niece and my step-daughter's cousin yes but no more relative to me than my brother's step-daughters.

I know my mother wouldn't put up with the kind of behaviour from a granddaughter that MIL does. It would be a my house my rules followed by a large slice of apple pie.

Top_Girl

Edwardia wrote: »

From what his brother and brother's wife and other family members have told me OH's sister has always been a bit of a wild child headstrong type.

She has had a pretty er colourful past and the father of this teenager ( I think she's thirteen or fourteen) was/is a criminal. I have no idea whether he is in picture now. OH's siblings and cousins aunts and uncles etc have nothing to do with his sister.

I get the impression that there is some resentment towards the youngest daughter from her siblings yes.

The teenage granddaughter isn't my relative, she's my niece by marriage. She's my husband's niece and my step-daughter's cousin yes but no more relative to me than my brother's step-daughters.

I know my mother wouldn't put up with the kind of behaviour from a granddaughter that MIL does. It would be a my house my rules followed by a large slice of apple pie.

She's as much your relative as your MIL is, if you're following that chain of thought.

Your MIL, on the other hand, is an adult and has the choice about how influential your SIL is in her life.

Your niece, not so much.

I feel so sorry for that child right now.

Person_one

This is starting to look like gossip and a bit of a moan/b!tch about the in-laws rather than a request for advice.

If you need to let off steam (which I suppose we all do sometimes) then maybe this very public forum isn't the best place.

Edwardia

pink_princess wrote: »

I am very shocked to read this thread!

You only eat or mainly eat organic. Ordered from online A grade companies, order clothes and furniture from top companies yet you need to lend £500!

Correction. My husband didn't get paid all of his salary and instead of asking me to use my overdraft facility or asking my mother to lend him the shortfall which was £500 in total for a few direct debits over several months, he asked his mother for the money. He said he didn't want to worry me and I didn't know about it until he miscalculated and a letter turned up from bank saying a DD hadn't been paid.

If the company he works for had paid him properly it wouldn't have been necessary to find the money. He says the money he is owed is nearly £2k.

I was looking at his payslips and realised he'd been overtaxed as well as underpaid so I got him a tax refund and we're OK now. But obviously he wants the money out of employer - he worked hard for it.

This is not a situation where OH has been running up debts. Nor did he fail to pay the DD into my account for food and household spending. 99% got paid probably 99.9% and 100% would have gotten paid if he had been paid properly.

My question was whether other people would give back a £500 gift and somehow it's been turned into me being a terrible person because I don't like my SIL taking advantage of my MIL and because I don't have a close relationship with SIL's daughter.

<sigh>

Vicky123

Why do you say MIL is a difficult person? She seems to give money out hand over fist.

Edwardia

Personally I'm not interested in SIL enough to feel the need to vent over her. I haven't seen her in a couple of years thankfully. Last time was at a party given by MIL and SIL managed to upset her mother and mine. MIL and my mother get along really well actually.

I also believe OH and his brother are on a hiding to nothing. MIL may complain about her daughter and granddaughter to OH but say nothing to daughter. I don't know and OH isn't sure.

The granddaughter gets a lot of material stuff but that's not a sub for a proper loving family. But she's not my relative and I don't get involved with them. I've had too much grief from MIL and SIL