Confused, Angry and Clueless

charlies-aunt

After nine years of marriage and much practising, we told that we would never ever have a child of our own due to abnormalities in DH's endocrine system.

We went down the fostering/adoption route and had a toddler placed with us with a view to adoption if everything went favourably... it went very favourably as nine months later I gave birth to our own child!

Our doctor said it was "God's reward" for taking on and loving someone else's - what a lovely thought!

Children are an incredible gift - hope all goes well for you both

turn3r

Due to health issues my husband and I cannot naturally conceive another child and even if we managed it would be highly unlikely I can carry past a few months! Although we have one beautiful child this has caused much heartache and pain! If I were you guys I would be celebrating and feeling very grateful!

coolcait

C4Tim wrote: »

Hi All,

Just to give the account scope, I've now been married just over a year, having known my wife for 21 months.

My wife was diagnosed 3.5 years ago with an incurable syndrome that meant she would struggle to conceive a child. Naturally at 17-years-old, this is going to hit you hard; especially as all she has ever wanted was a family.

This diagnosis, which was 'confirmed' by more than one doctor meant that my now wife, missed periods for up to 8 months at a time, ending up on anti-depressants and having to go through counseling for this and other reasons.

Fast forward 3.5 years and in the quest to see if a family is a viable option for us; she has an internal ultrasound, blood tests (looking at everything) and she has been told there is nothing wrong. No incurable syndrome, no immediate indications as to why she wouldn't be able to conceive. This was confirmed, by the ultrasound specialist and two doctors at our local surgery.

Now, we are both very emotional about this situation but don't know what sort of action that we should take from here. I'm of the volition that we should enjoy the fact 'the sun has come out and started to shine' and let things lie, but there is that niggling little voice in the back of our minds screaming, 'no win, no fee!'

If you were in our shoes, or have been in our shoes, what would you do?

Thank you for reading

I think you'll always 'struggle to conceive' if you're trying to screw the NHS rather than your partner.

Dunroamin

tea_lover wrote: »

Well I guess not every 17 year old is blessed with your outstanding mental strength.

Most 17 year olds have more on their minds than having babies!

Person_one

tea_lover wrote: »

I would have thought the problem was the unnecessary heartache and suffering that his wife has been through. Yes, she may not have been planning on having a child at 18 or so, but to spend 3 years thinking it will never happen is soul-destroying. If the OP's wife was thinking this because of a mistake someone made in diagnosis then I think they have every right to feel a bit peeved about that.

I'm sure it was very distressing, but I'd be very surprised if any medical negligence solicitor would take the case on, as there's been no other loss or detriment apart from 'pain and suffering'.

claire16c

C4Tim wrote: »

As I said in the OP, they told her that she would struggle to conceive. This coming from both of the doctors that dealt with her case at the time.

I'm not aware of any paperwork detailing as such, but we won't be chasing the NHS for anything and will be simply enjoying the new-found opportunity that we've been blessed with :j

She still might struggle to conceive though?

If she's not had periods for 8 months and has pcos then clearly there are some issues there.

So if this is continuing she might need to get fertility drugs from the dr for example to get her ovulating.

ilovelondontown

The trouble with PCOS (I have it) that there is SUCH a huge spectrum of severity most doctors are inclined to give their patients the same blanket response, "You may have trouble ttc" "don't leave it too late to try"

I too was told at 16 that I'd have problem, might never have kids, and most scarily that I don't ovulate. Well I'm here to tell you friend that I've started checking on my body closely with temp charting (google it) and it transpires I DO ovulate. Well knock me down with a feather! The fear I've been holding on to for over 10 years has been take away from me in 2 months, just because I chose not to just believe the word of a GP and a couple of ultrasound scans.

While pcos can't go away, it can improve, with weight loss, age, diet, exercise, luck... some people have said they thought they were infertile and ended up pregnant without even trying. It's just one of those things.

If anything I'd be more inclined to go after someone who gave me 100% assurance I could have kids when it was indeed obvious that I might not be able to.

Congrats on getting some good news and focus on the future now, not the past.

ilovelondontown

Dunroamin wrote: »

Most 17 year olds have more on their minds than having babies!

Er actually, I was 16 when I was diagnosed with pcos, and it wasn't because I wanted to have babies at 16, but looking after your fertility is like looking after any part of your body, prevention is better than cure. Irregular cycles are a b!tch and incredibly stressful when you don't understand why it's happening.

southoftheriver

C4Tim wrote: »

Hi All,

Just to give the account scope, I've now been married just over a year, having known my wife for 21 months.

My wife was diagnosed 3.5 years ago with an incurable syndrome that meant she would struggle to conceive a child. Naturally at 17-years-old, this is going to hit you hard; especially as all she has ever wanted was a family.

This diagnosis, which was 'confirmed' by more than one doctor meant that my now wife, missed periods for up to 8 months at a time, ending up on anti-depressants and having to go through counseling for this and other reasons.

Fast forward 3.5 years and in the quest to see if a family is a viable option for us; she has an internal ultrasound, blood tests (looking at everything) and she has been told there is nothing wrong. No incurable syndrome, no immediate indications as to why she wouldn't be able to conceive. This was confirmed, by the ultrasound specialist and two doctors at our local surgery.

Now, we are both very emotional about this situation but don't know what sort of action that we should take from here. I'm of the volition that we should enjoy the fact 'the sun has come out and started to shine' and let things lie, but there is that niggling little voice in the back of our minds screaming, 'no win, no fee!'

If you were in our shoes, or have been in our shoes, what would you do?

Thank you for reading

Were you seen by a gynaecologist? If not I would ask for a referral so that someone can talk through everything and address what your wife has been told. It must be such a shock for you both.

I really hope everything works out for you both

meer53

The OP's wife was told she would struggle to conceive, not that she wouldn't conceive. How can you sue for something that may or may not happen ?

I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis when i had an emergency c section at 43 when i had my daughter. It probably explains why there is a 13 year gap between my 2 children. I had been to the doctors many times with chronic period pain but no diagnosis was ever made and it was only discovered when the c section was done. It would never enter my head to consider suing anyone, what would it achieve ? Apart from wasting precious NHS funds which can be used where they are needed.