Confused, Angry and Clueless

C4Tim

Hi All,

Just to give the account scope, I've now been married just over a year, having known my wife for 21 months.

My wife was diagnosed 3.5 years ago with an incurable syndrome that meant she would struggle to conceive a child. Naturally at 17-years-old, this is going to hit you hard; especially as all she has ever wanted was a family.

This diagnosis, which was 'confirmed' by more than one doctor meant that my now wife, missed periods for up to 8 months at a time, ending up on anti-depressants and having to go through counseling for this and other reasons.

Fast forward 3.5 years and in the quest to see if a family is a viable option for us; she has an internal ultrasound, blood tests (looking at everything) and she has been told there is nothing wrong. No incurable syndrome, no immediate indications as to why she wouldn't be able to conceive. This was confirmed, by the ultrasound specialist and two doctors at our local surgery.

Now, we are both very emotional about this situation but don't know what sort of action that we should take from here. I'm of the volition that we should enjoy the fact 'the sun has come out and started to shine' and let things lie, but there is that niggling little voice in the back of our minds screaming, 'no win, no fee!'

If you were in our shoes, or have been in our shoes, what would you do?

Thank you for reading

Edit: I'll repost a section of a post that I responded to a forum user a while back:

"I'm not after suing the NHS or trying to win a general consensus to act in such a manner. I find the act of suing somebody for gain when there has been no major damage an abhorrent act. I was trying to rid myself of that little voice, by coming here and asking what people that were or have been in the same situation would do. I apologise if my language was not clear in establishing that."

Now, can you all of you who ever read the first post and then not bother reading any further, please stop posting inane responses about how all we're after is suing the NHS. This is not the case and to continue posting as such is moronic.

Thank you to all who have been supportive and posted constructive and meaningful comments.

tea_lover

I'd be very wary of any doctor claiming absolutes (whether that's good news or bad). Go for a third opinion, then assess your options.

If it turns out that the information your wife was given initially was incorrect then I'd speak to a solicitor and take things from there. But be sure first of all, there's an awful lot of things that don't show up just via blood test or ultrasound (eg. endometriosis, this will hardly ever be seen on an u/s and can't be detected via a blood test but can have a devastating effect on both quality of life and ability to conceive).

I really hope that when you investigate further it's good news for you both.

BitterAndTwisted

In your shoes I'd be cracking open the champagne. What "no win, no fee" are you referring to? I don't understand that bit.

UKTigerlily

Hi, i'm sorry for what you're having to go through. Ok, I don't have children but both my Mum & Cousin had problems TTC & both got pregnant naturally once they 'relaxed' abit & focused on other things. I don't mean that to sound like it does! I do know how hard it is & that it's not that easy for many. What condition does she have? She at least sounds young? So i'm guessing maybe you both have plenty of time & even if something is wrong the time is a good thing. I think Dr's like you to try for 1-2 yrs before going further but could be wrong. Anyway, i'm sure someone will be along soon with better advice & wish you all the best x

TeamLowe

I don't think you can sue for getting good news.

Also 'may struggle to conceive' never meant that she wouldn't conceive. I struggled due to Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (which was not diagnosed by blood tests or ultrasound, both were clear at the time but gynae diagnosed me by symptoms), it took us 22 months to conceive as I didn't have a regular cycle.

And just thinking out loud here, but to sue wouldn't you have to prove that she didn't struggle to conceive? if you're suggesting it's that part of the diagnosis which upset her.

Tropez

I'd move on.

As much as we like to believe otherwise, medicine is not an always exact science. Anomalies occur, mistakes are made. Nobody died.

It might be worth going back to the original doctors and finding out why they made their apparently incorrect diagnosis because it could be something that still needs fixing but I wouldn't be jumping on the bandwagon to sue people over it. The NHS is stumped for cash as it is.

quidsy

Presumably you both want children? So isn't this good news? Wy the need to dirty the joy with litigation?

What do you hope to gain from it?

tea_lover

UKTigerlily wrote: »

Ok, I don't have children but both my Mum & Cousin had problems TTC & both got pregnant naturally once they 'relaxed' abit & focused on other things. I don't mean that to sound like it does!

As an aside, please no one ever, EVER say that to someone struggling to conceive. Just don't.

aileth

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

In your shoes I'd be cracking open the champagne. What "no win, no fee" are you referring to? I don't understand that bit.

That to me says they want to make a claim against whoever told them she had this condition (as in a no win no fee ambulance chaser). Money heals all wounds apparently.

Congratulations on the news anyway, but getting into heavy litigation certainly won't make you feel better. Start baby making, not getting embroiled in what could be years of proceedings!

lostinrates

Diagnosis is an art, not always an exact science. Whether it were possible to be exact. (And indeed, whether that are infact right now and not before) could depend on whether its one of the things that 'waxes and wanes' for example.

To find out you have an infertility issue that would struggle with conception with young would, had it been right, actually been a huge bonus, because time is a huge help in this, and youth a bonus. Discovering it in your mid to late thirties for example, can mean an awful lot of 'wish I'd known when I was younger'.


How your wife has suffered this is terribly sad for her, but ultimately, I'd be thrilled.

The action you should take? Rejoice that at such a young age, life and full health is infront of her and now choice too. Love life to the full, and try and put that period of sadness behind you both, pronto.

Janey3

Me? I'd crack on and make that baby! All the best to you both.