Confused, Angry and Clueless

C4Tim

peachyprice wrote: »

So she was mis-diagnosed 3.5 years ago when she was 17, she's now only 21 max, what's your problem? Why the need to even contemplate suing when she has many childbearing years ahead of her? What price do you put on delaying having a family by 3.5 years when you're now at the age many couples only start to contemplate having a family.

Although yes, you could go ahead and sue, then hope to god that any child you do bring into the world doesn't isn't denied medical treatment due to lack of funds. What goes around, comes around.

Oh, and FWIW, I was told at the age of 20 that due to an emergency medical procedure it was unlikely I would ever have children, I had my first 2 at the age of 30 and the 3rd at the age of 36. Perhaps I should sue too for the upkeep of my twins I was told I was unlikely to have? Or I could just see them as a wonderful blessing.

Hi peachyprice,

I'm glad you have a family, it is a wonderful blessing.

I'm not after suing the NHS or trying to win a general consensus to act in such a manner. I find the act of suing somebody for gain when there has been no real damage an abhorrent act. I was trying to rid myself of that little voice, by coming here and asking what people that were or have been in the same situation would do. I apologise if my language was not clear in establishing that.

Without wanting to go into specifics, the news at 17 for my wife was soul-destroying. All she had ever wanted was a family and for those 3 years didn't view herself as a woman because she may not be able to fulfill the first commandment.

We both see the news as a blessing; but when part of the fabric of your life has been revealed as a lie, hopefully you can sympathise that this leaves a sting along with it. I'm sure, if and when we become pregnant that sting will dissipate.

We will be 'celebrating' with more vigour than ever before! :rotfl:

Anyway, thank you for your comment, it has been read and is valued.

C4Tim

Janey3 wrote: »

Me? I'd crack on and make that baby! All the best to you both.

Thank you Janey3 :rotfl:

FBaby

Does your wife actually have a letter that states clearly that she would struggle to conceive or that it was unlikely to ever happen?

My experience is that when faced with unexpected bad news, especially when young, there is a tendency to hear things very differently to what has been said.

A qualified gynecologist, unless they are in serious need to further training, would never tell a young patient with this condition that they will never be able to conceive naturally. What they are likely to say is something such as 'your condition mean that it may be more difficult to conceive naturally, or that it might require therapeutic or surgical intervention to increase chances'. Clinicians are trained not to use words such as 'forever, never, no chance etc...' but that is often what the patient hears.

If however your wife was unlikely enough to have had very poor care in that regard and a copy of a letter saying clearly that she had no chance of conceiving, then I would certainly start with a complaint. Suing would be pointless as as her age, she wouldn't be able to claim that she has been denied a chance of pregnancy because of it since she has many years left to become a mum.

C4Tim

FBaby wrote: »

Does your wife actually have a letter that states clearly that she would struggle to conceive or that it was unlikely to ever happen?

My experience is that when faced with unexpected bad news, especially when young, there is a tendency to hear things very differently to what has been said.

A qualified gynecologist, unless they are in serious need to further training, would never tell a young patient with this condition that they will never be able to conceive naturally. What they are likely to say is something such as 'your condition mean that it may be more difficult to conceive naturally, or that it might require therapeutic or surgical intervention to increase chances'. Clinicians are trained not to use words such as 'forever, never, no chance etc...' but that is often what the patient hears.

If however your wife was unlikely enough to have had very poor care in that regard and a copy of a letter saying clearly that she had no chance of conceiving, then I would certainly start with a complaint. Suing would be pointless as as her age, she wouldn't be able to claim that she has been denied a chance of pregnancy because of it since she has many years left to become a mum.

As I said in the OP, they told her that she would struggle to conceive. This coming from both of the doctors that dealt with her case at the time.

I'm not aware of any paperwork detailing as such, but we won't be chasing the NHS for anything and will be simply enjoying the new-found opportunity that we've been blessed with :j

FBaby

As I said in the OP, they told her that she would struggle to conceive. This coming from both of the doctors that dealt with her case at the time.

Were you there at the appointments though? It might be what she remembers being told, doesn't mean that is what was said exactly. Only a change of word such from 'may' to 'will' is enough to change the whole context.

heartbreak_star

Glad you are taking a good stance on this, and I am happy for you both!

HBS x

beckysbobbles1

For goodness sake, whilst I appreciate children are expensive sueing is not the answer.

If like others have said, your wife hasn't been using protection yet hasn't fallen pregnant, that would clearly indicate an issue with fertility.

I have to admit, I find it difficult to believe it was soul destroying being told you may struggle to fall pregnant at 17. However, if this is the case turn it around and enjoy the fact that you may now be able to have children.

C4Tim

FBaby wrote: »

Were you there at the appointments though? It might be what she remembers being told, doesn't mean that is what was said exactly. Only a change of word such from 'may' to 'will' is enough to change the whole context.

I didn't even know my wife existed at 17, but I have been there for the appointments since we started dating and she was told the ins and outs of PCOS over and over.

There was mention by doctors that she would have trouble in conceiving, but I put that down as all part of the course.

I wish I had been there at the start of it all, but alas, you can only play the cards you have been dealt!

BitterAndTwisted

Eh, I have a friend who was diagnosed with both endometriosis and PCOS and told she would find it very, very difficult indeed to conceive. They went through IVF and had a little boy four years ago. Last year they had a second son conceived naturally.

When you consult the medical profession you are asking for their expert OPINION as that's all they can give and that can change from time-to-time too depending on the condition and circumstances on the day. Only God deals in utter certainties.

Poppie68

OP my daughter has just turned 22, she was diagnosed at age 14 with PCOS, she had had 17 hospital admissions and surgery twice to remove grapefruit sized cysts. She has thrown up daily for days on end and spent numerous weeks in bed in excrutiating pain.
January of last year she was put on the contrceptive pill for her very bad periods...they were erractic sometimes nothing for 4 or 5 months then bleeding for a month. She was considering an hysterectomy.

April of this year she gave birth to a bouncing 8lb 14oz beautiful girl(yes even while on the pill). As a bonus her pains have recceded for the first time in years.

I wish you and your wife all the best of luck and never lose hope.