Confused, Angry and Clueless

Gigglepig

There could be many reasons why someone might struggle to conceive. If your wife missed periods for up to 8 months a time this could have many reasons (including dieting, eating disorders...) and it might have been nothing the doctors could do to start her periods.

If you can't see the positive side in this or want a second opinion, take her full journal and test results, and speak to another specialist.

Fingers crossed - only time will tell if the two of you conceive easily or not.

C4Tim

Thank you all for the responses.

We're over the moon that we can start focusing on trying for a family, and we won't be going through that long process of trying to extract money from anyone. Frankly, I'm not in the mood to spend time chasing money that may never come.

I don't think we'd ever sue anyway, it just seems to be taking time to settle in. TeamLowe, my wife was diagnosed with the same thing at 17. It's good to see that you've been blessed with a family.

I'm glad you guys are here with opinions, sometimes you can't always see the solution when you're in the middle of it.

peachyprice

So she was mis-diagnosed 3.5 years ago when she was 17, she's now only 21 max, what's your problem? Why the need to even contemplate suing when she has many childbearing years ahead of her? What price do you put on delaying having a family by 3.5 years when you're now at the age many couples only start to contemplate having a family.

Although yes, you could go ahead and sue, then hope to god that any child you do bring into the world doesn't isn't denied medical treatment due to lack of funds. What goes around, comes around.

Oh, and FWIW, I was told at the age of 20 that due to an emergency medical procedure it was unlikely I would ever have children, I had my first 2 at the age of 30 and the 3rd at the age of 36. Perhaps I should sue too for the upkeep of my twins I was told I was unlikely to have? Or I could just see them as a wonderful blessing.

tea_lover

peachyprice wrote: »

So she was mis-diagnosed 3.5 years ago when she was 17, she's now only 21 max, what's your problem?

I would have thought the problem was the unnecessary heartache and suffering that his wife has been through. Yes, she may not have been planning on having a child at 18 or so, but to spend 3 years thinking it will never happen is soul-destroying. If the OP's wife was thinking this because of a mistake someone made in diagnosis then I think they have every right to feel a bit peeved about that.

peachyprice

tea_lover wrote: »

I would have thought the problem was the unnecessary heartache and suffering that his wife has been through. Yes, she may not have been planning on having a child at 18 or so, but to spend 3 years thinking it will never happen is soul-destroying. If the OP's wife was thinking this because of a mistake someone made in diagnosis then I think they have every right to feel a bit peeved about that.

I guess I'm peculiar then as I didn't find it soul detroying to be told te same thing at a young age, it was a bridge that would be crossed when I came to it. Life is what you make of it and if you choose to dwell on the negative then yes, you will suffer years of heartache, if you get on with your life regardless you won't.

tea_lover

peachyprice wrote: »

I guess I'm peculiar then as I didn't find it soul detroying to be told te same thing at a young age, it was a bridge that would be crossed when I came to it. Life is what you make of it and if you choose to dwell on the negative then yes, you will suffer years of heartache, if you get on with your life regardless you won't.

Well I guess not every 17 year old is blessed with your outstanding mental strength.

lostinrates

C4Tim wrote: »

Thank you all for the responses.

We're over the moon that we can start focusing on trying for a family, and we won't be going through that long process of trying to extract money from anyone. Frankly, I'm not in the mood to spend time chasing money that may never come.

I don't think we'd ever sue anyway, it just seems to be taking time to settle in. TeamLowe, my wife was diagnosed with the same thing at 17. It's good to see that you've been blessed with a family.

I'm glad you guys are here with opinions, sometimes you can't always see the solution when you're in the middle of it.

More research into PCOS could have saved your wife a lot of heart ache. some women with pcos are infertile (I am one. Edit...not just down to pcos though ). But mostly, pcos is passed down maternal lines, so while it may make it a little harder to conceive it clearly has to be impossible otherwise we'd have died out.

Its quite possible to have pcos and to not always show symptoms, but to show symptoms when, for example over weight.

Its also possible to be poly cystic (about twenty percent of women are I believe) but not to have the syndrome.
It might well be the doctor was right or had a good steer 'at the time'. Your wife seems to have understandably panicked but not been well steered at the time, and an overreaction now might well also be happening. While understandable, its not helpful.

itsanne

I'm delighted that things are now looking good for you both. Your wife must still be only 20-21 years old and has been told that the original prognosis about her ability to conceive was wrong. That's something to celebrate :beer:.

For her to have had a diagnosis in the first place, and from what you say, there had clearly been something wrong even if it is now resolved. With that in mind, that's another reason to be grateful about the news.

You suggest that thinking she would not be able to conceive was not the only reason for the anti-depressants and counseling.

So what do I think you should do? Celebrate. Be relieved and happy. Go forth and multiply if that's what you want. You can even afford to wait a while if you like.

Then, however, I lose sympathy. Not everything in medicine is clear cut. Doctors have always made mistakes, do make mistakes and will always make mistakes even when doing their best. The mistake in this case has caused your wife stress, but so have other things. If the mistake had been the other way round, so that you both had delayed starting a family thinking that nothing was wrong and then discovered a problem when it was too late, the mistake would have been infinitely worse and something which could have had a permanent effect on your family. But it wasn't. You've had great news. Unfortunately, rather than rejoicing at the great news, it's compensation culture here we come :mad:.

Forget about the stress that you would give yourselves, which might cause the very problem you hopefully no longer have, and get on with enjoying your lives. Making babies is fun .

lostinrates

tea_lover wrote: »

Well I guess not every 17 year old is blessed with your outstanding mental strength.

I found out in my mid twee ties (about twenty four) I wouldn't be a parent, and its been upsetting, but it hasn't caused me to be acerbic to others I hope.

The truth is, life does go on. Are their bleak times, of course, but these do lessen. I was so excited last week to be the first to learn of someone else's pregnancy and relieved I hadn't turned into someone people hid such news from. I love kids, and would have lived our kid/s. Instead I make the most out of life.

Funnily enough, its that that I think probably would have been my best trait as a mother, that while I wanted it so badly, I realised not everything in life revolved around it.

I am sorry if you are struggling tea lover.:(

sulkisu

OP - If your wife has gone for months without periods and has not ben using contraception (which presumably she wasn't under the circumstances), but did not conceive anyway, this does suggest that there is some problem with her fertility - sorry to put a dampener on things. Perhaps you should wait until you are holding that baby in your arms before thinking about taking action.

I was in your wife's shoes. I was told that I would never have children, after suffering with both cervical and then ovarian cancer in my 20's. I had one ovary removed (so only half ad many eggs) and the chemotherapy was supposed to have destroyed the eggs in my remaining ovary. I suffered depression and underwent counselling to come to terms with a life without children.

Against all the odds, I conceived naturally 15 years later and had my son when I was 44. By some miracle, I conceived naturally again the following year and had healthy twin boys. The doctors were 'wrong', but I can honestly say that my first (or even last) thought was not to sue or get angry. It was a miracle and I am so bloody grateful for it. In your wife's case it could have been worst - the doctors could have been right!