Ideas for Empty Nester ?

ska_lover

paulineb wrote: »

But with email, skype, texts, msn, its much easier to keep in touch with someone these days than it used to be.

Very true, I invested in a webcam last week, and my lad showed me how to use it, so should be OK with doing that, will be nice to see him on it

victory

ska_lover wrote: »

I did just contribute further to this thread, but got a rather suprising quoted response (from a long time poster who has just deleted it) with regards to the fact that I should perhaps get a grip as some people are actually grieving for their children...?

To the poster involved - you know who you are, this thread is not about grieving over a death of a child, it is about children going off to university and in your words, you tried to ''make me feel guilty'' for being so overdramatic as ...but a complete stranger cannot make me feel guilty for something that is, perfectly natural reaction. Your views, unfortunately for you, are not more important in my life, than mine.

To other people coming on here looking for support to get through what IS a tough time for parents, I wouldn't bother, as you will just get shot down in flames by people who have no understanding.

It's just life though, some people would drive down the road, and see a person injured on the floor after a bike collision, and others would stop and help (I had this happen yesterday on the way to work)- same for these boards - but worse because some take some kind of delight in 'putting you in your place' for daring to have an opinion, or experience that does not equally match their own.

I am sorry you have has a post like that direct at you, I understand how you feel and although it has been a while for me now, I understand and remember perfectly how it was, it was really bad, thought that family life was over, really grieving for 'what was' rather than concentrating on 'what is going to be' and once you adjust it truly is wonderful, to have a child who is independent, can enjoy life and discover new experiences and skype, wonderful, wonderful skype.:D

Put skype on the tele (connected through the laptop) and it is wonderful, like having them there, they talk more whilst away, they rabbit on about the tiny little things, keep you up to date and involved and at the same time you can have adult conversations, you are not wholy responsible for their finances or welfare of social activities and they benefit from that and also your own life becomes richer...

If you have an OH you have more time to talk, walk, catch up without interruption, have longer better ahem;), you have more time for friends, your own hobbies, your own interests, you can just sit and read a book. get up later, do the gardening, go for a long leisurely lunch, have a glass of wine if you want to whatever time of day it is;)

The distance strengthens the relationship, it makes it better, no more bickering of the trivia of the room is not clean or the wrong dinner was cooked or the music is too loud, it becomes deeper, more appreciative on both sides, more on an even level plain, they come back so excited over what they have discovered, who they have met, what they have learnt, you can still be there for them, still guide them but they love telling you all about it and you can look at their life and their world and be very proud you had a hand in that, you made a great kid that is going to be an even better one with a fantastic education and the world his/her oyster:D:D

victory

Oh and when they come back home for their break, it is the most fantastic heart beating, smile athon experience I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing, would not miss it for the world:D:D worth every tear;)

ska_lover

Thank you victory, another inspiring post there

Prothet_of_Doom

Ref, the webcam. I bought our first born a webcam, when he went to uni 2 years ago and it's still in the box.

If you phone him, he might answer. If you text him, he might respond.

I find this perfectly normal, as I ignored my parents unless I was planning to come home for the weekend, in which case I'd send them a postcard a couple of days before. I actually apologised to them recently, but my mum said "I was glad you never phoned, because I knew I'd made you self sufficient"

Poppy9

We are on a 5 day count down till DD goes and only one friend is not concerned about me. All I've had today is "how you feeling", "omg you are going to miss her", "you house will be so empty".

It seems I'm odd that I am excited for DD! Oh well. We had a nice shop today to buy some new clothes, then we went to the cinema tonight and then food!

Tomorrow's plan is washing.

Wednesday plan is final bits of shopping and DD has night out

Thursday farewell lunch with family

Friday packing and maybe a lunch

Saturday attempt to get everything in car!!

Bernice50

I've already posted earlier this week but pleased to see differing comments...my one and only D is off on Friday - as a single parent I am immensely proud of her achievements as we have suffered close family bereavements in the last few years and, it almost cost her exam results....I do not have OH/Partner and yes, feel quite bereft and find myself arguing with her.... BUT believe she will experience a great UNI time both in studies and social life. And yes, my stress comes in all disguises e.g. the packing of the car - have had to hire a larger car just to accommodate everything...., adjusting to weekends not being on taxi duty but also not being woken up in early hours.... but what I will miss is her great witty funny company but will really look forward to her visits home (plus the washing!!) So to all of you in this forum, spare a nice comment for those of us who do really feel a bit sad but am sure we will all survive!!

Bernice50

Hi! Just wanted to know how the empty nesters are adjusting....not doing so well myself...just hate the house so quiet and the nights so dark so early...anxiety problems...feel 'lost' and although have a few good friends, miss D terribly although she has been in contact every other day so know she is settled and enjoying her new lifestyle. People say get a dog/cat/ or a man! Throw yourself into new hobbies...have no confidence and very little spare cash...just outpouring here- not usually so pathetic! Well at least the sun is shining....

Poppy9

Now we are in November how is everyone coping?

All okay here. DD came for first time this week with her dirty laundry. No longer told me off for fussing when I packed a bag up with food I had made her plus a bag of shopping! She appreciated it and had run her freezer down specially.

She is managing her money fine at moment while she said a few friends are down to less than £50 to last them until Xmas. Saying that I paid for her trip to hairdressers as a treat.

She has still got all her Boots points over £35 worth plus she has £30 of Nectar points from me. She is keeping them for when she is desperate!

I don't hear off her much unless she wants something:( and she said everyone she has met has been lovely.

poet123

It is a very hard time for parents and it doesn't get easier even after the first one. I am dreading my youngest going and that is two years down the line. I will cope as you do but it is hard.